Chelsey - Changing Lives One Conversation at a Time

In this episode of Voices of Fostering, Helen sits down with Chelsey, a carer recruitment officer at Brighter Futures Foster Care, whose journey into fostering began at just 16 years old after a conversation with a neighbour. Chelsey shares her deeply personal experience of fostering a teenage boy and two young brothers — the joy, the chaos, and the heartbreak of saying goodbye when they moved on to adoption. 

She opens up about the power of empathy, the importance of meeting children exactly where they are, and how fostering transformed not only her life but her daughter's too. From a chance encounter at Disney World that inspired someone to begin their fostering journey, to her mission now of recruiting the next generation of carers, Chelsey's story is a testament to the life-changing impact of opening your home and your heart.

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

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Transcript

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Helen: 0:00

Hello, and welcome to this episode of Voices of Fostering. I'm delighted today to be joined by one of our carer recruitment officers, uh, she's with Brighter Futures Foster Care, uh, Chelsey. Hello, Chelsey.

Chelsey: 0:13

Hi.

Helen: 0:14

Hi. Thank you so much for joining us. Um, so Chelsey, you are one of our carer recruitment officers. Just, just remind people maybe if they're, they're not aware, I know it sort of does what it says on the tin really, re- you recruit carers, but tell us about what you do.

Chelsey: 0:29

So we have a really big focus on, uh, bringing in people that are interested in fostering. It might be that they are just in the initial stages of thinking about it, and they actually just need some good chats over some nice coffee about what it means to foster. It might be that they've thought about it for years, and you can go straight in, and you can get the ball rolling with their initial visit. Um, and they might have really well thought this through. What I've noticed in recruitment is lots of people have been thinking about fostering for years, and it's not something that they've seen an advert and thought, "I'll do that," um, and they're already up and ready to go. So we focus on, um, our initial visits, getting people into assessment where appropriate, but we also really like to utilize the carers that we already have. What we do find in recruitment is if they are bringing in a referral, those people are well aware of the good and bad of fostering, and they're still interested in speaking to us. So that is where we put a big focus on. Um, and we're so grateful to all our carers that do put in referrals because we need more foster carers, and, um- Yeah… we find a big majority do come from them.

Helen: 1:34

And I think it's important to point out, you touched on it there, that, um, you can have these conversations for a while. It can be, you know, you check in with somebody, and then it's like, "Oh, you know, let's, let's wait another six months. See how things- Yeah … pan out, you know, things going on in your life." And then they might check back in with you, and you know- Absolutely … it can be a long process.

Chelsey: 1:55

Yeah, we call it nurturing. So- Yeah we might have an initial conversation, and someone might be, uh, going through a divorce and it's not quite finalized. Then, you know, from our side, it's appropriate for us to remain in contact, keep your interest going, invite you along to information events online, webinars, support groups. We might give you, you know, a buddy of a foster carer, um, just to keep that ball rolling. Um, when you're interested in fostering, it's not something that you can go along and do something else as a career and still scratch that itch. So we… If someone's interested, it's, it's great that we can keep in contact with them. Like you say, it can take six months. It can take longer. We've had process of people that are moving house, and we all know that there's no end to that string. We just do not know when it's gonna complete. So it's our job to just remain in contact, keep their interest going. Mm-hmm. Um, and when they are ready, then start to take the appropriate steps to move forward.

Helen: 2:48

Yeah. Now, what's lovely about NFG is the, a, a massive part of the people that you meet, um, their, their interest in fostering is really quite deeply ingrained within them, and it definitely is with you, isn't it? So- Yes … you've not been a carer recruitment officer for too long, have you? But you have been involved- No … in, in foster care for quite a while. So tell us about your background and, and what led you into this role.

Chelsey: 3:15

Um, growing up in our local neighborhood, we had, um, a really good sort of, uh, neighborhood friend who fostered, and I was around 16 when I started to really ask questions about that. I would ask my parents who, you know, had zero knowledge on it, and they, you know, instructed me to go and ask my neighbor, and I did, and she talked me through it. She was a local authority carer, so, um, that was the only sort of understanding I had of it at the time. But I did remember thinking, "I'm going to do this when I'm, when I'm older. This is something that I really want to do." Um, so fast-forward to, um, having my own daughter, finding it really hard to go back into work after mat leave and feeling really torn in between the two, and a light bulb moment of,"This is the perfect time to foster because I can be at home, uh, with her, and I can also be doing something that I've got massive passion for." So I looked into it. I think I was 29 at the time. I went into assessment. Um, lots of comments from sort of other foster carers of, "Oh, you're quite young to be doing this, and your baby's quite young to be doing this, and what's brought, what's brought you to it? What, what makes you wanna do it?" And I just have a really keen desire to help, and I think every child deserves the best childhood that they can possibly have. No one's lives are perfect. No one's … No, no child's life is perfect. And to be honest, they shouldn't be, you know? That's how we prepare people for adulthood. So I knew that I had tools inside me that could help a child take their situation, and I could let them be children. I knew that I was, um, adult enough to be able to provide them a safe space to explore their childhood, and I wanted to be part of that. I love creative things. I love being outside. I love, you know, farms and animals. So I have such a keen interest in keeping children in their childhood as long as possible. Um, and I also, yeah, I absolutely wanted to help, so we looked into it. We jumped straight into assessment. It was a great time, um, for my daughter. She absolutely fell in love with our assessment, um, officer, and then she fell in love with our, uh, SSW that we had. Um, and she fell in love with fostering probably faster than I did actually. Um, so yeah, that's where we sort of landed. And, um, I was very, very lucky to be able to do it. I d- I was fostering for almost four years, so.

Helen: 5:36

Yeah. Yeah, so tell us about that journey across those four years, you know, the children that you had, uh, coming to live with you and, and the journey that you went on, I imagine.

Chelsey: 5:48

My daughter Cody was two when we first took, um, sort of started reading referrals. And, um, I'll be honest, I wasn't overly keen on a teenage boy. Um, but the first referrer I read was a teenage boy, and like most n- newly qualified foster carers, my desire to help took over, and I agreed to, um, to, to, to meet him. And he, he, you know, he came in, he moved in. He was 12 at the time. I found that balance quite hard. I had a two-year-old that wanted to play with bubbles, and I had a 12-year-old that was asking me, "How many pairs of, uh, Nike Dunks can I get for Christmas?" So there, there was a balance, and my biggest obstacle during that period of time was- Finding a way to make him feel like it was his home. He's 12. He'd been in the system a really long time. He'd been in the system since he was four, so he knew better than I did the, you know, the cans and can'ts. Um, he knew about house rules, and I wasn't… I was so eager to make him feel welcome that I didn't really want to put too many boundaries in place. Very quickly learned my lesson. Children love a boundary. They thrive off of, you know, routine and consistency and, uh, reward, so massive learning curve. Um, during that first sort of six months, I was so nervous to go to support groups, um, and I avoided it like the plague. And I went to my first one, fell in love with all of the fellow foster carers, and that became my favorite day of the month. Mm. Couldn't wait for support group. Um, to be a foster carer is to know foster carers. It's like one big family. You could meet foster carers that do it in a completely different country, and you all have the same agenda. You all have the same heart. Um, and it's, it's something of magic. I really do love to meet foster carers. So I then sort of spent the next, uh, rest of that first year of fostering finding my feet, learning how much I could advocate for this child, learning how to parent a teenager, which is no easy feat. Um, and we honestly, we all… We, we fell in love with each other. Um, Cody absolutely adored him. He adored Cody. He be- he, he grew quite attached to me really quickly, which, you know, his social worker was surprised by because he hadn't really seen-- They hadn't seen him really connect with an adult in, during his time in care. So we nurtured that. We looked after that. We protected that as much as possible. Um, after the year marker, um, it, it was incredibly sad, but with safeguarding issues and his stepping to becoming a teenager, um, things changed. His older siblings had, um, basically… They'd done things to get themselves removed from the care system and back home with mom, and he was very eager to follow them. He and I had a very frank conversation that I will never forget. We were having a cup of tea, and I said,"What's going on? You know, you're doing things, and you're safeguarding issues, and, you know, what's going on?" And he said, "I love you, and I wanna stay, and I know if I be good, I can stay. But I really wanna be with my mom." Um, and if I be bad and I do the things that the local authority don't want me to do, that's what happens. That happened to my older siblings. Um, and I gave him a hug. I said, "I understand. I, I understand why you would feel like that, and I'm always gonna be here for you." Um, he left, and it was incredibly sad for all of us. Um, it was a really hard goodbye. Cody, you know, my daughter, she just turned three, so she especially found it really hard. Um, we took a little break. We went on holiday. We, we, you know, recouped, and then we got a referral for two little boys. And I said, "Two? Really?" Um, and they were ages three and one, and I said, "I have a three-year-old. Three, three and one. Are you… What?" Um, and I… On reading their referral, I kinda just knew. I knew that I was meant to look after these children. Yeah. It's a feeling that you get. Um, you can't really put that against anything else in life. It was a really overwhelming yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. We will, we will find a way. Um, they very quickly moved in, and again, we all very, very quickly fell in love, uh, with having two little boys in the house It was carnage, I can't lie. Half the time my house looked like Jurassic Park. Um, but I loved it. I loved it. It taught me so much about myself with patience and, you know, letting go of this, you know, the house must be perfect at all times. Because Cody's a very neat little girl. She plays with something, she likes to put it away. She's obviously learned that from me. These boys, no, no, no. We'll open the cupboard, we'll get everything out, and I ha- I ha- learnt to just live it and love it, and think, "This is childhood. Toys everywhere, trucks everywhere- Yeah Lego everywhere, drawings on the wall." Which I wasn't happy about at the time, but then it turned into one of my favorite things about my house. Um, and we, we loved life. We had such a good journey with them. They came on leaps and bounds. They're at such a, you know, that naught to five, they develop so much, and we got to witness that, and I'm forever blessed because watching them two grow up was, it, it was heaven. We had some hard times. The baby was really unwell one Christmas, and ended up being in hospital for a week. Um, I'd never had really a sick child. Um, I'd never been away from Cody overnight, so that was, um… Didn't even think, you know? They're like, they're extension of your children. Mm-hmm. I, I felt very much like their parent, and there was no question, I was going to the hospital and I was staying until he was ready to come home. And we made it work, and um, you know, it was, it was a tough time again. I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about parenting that week. Yeah. Um, forever grateful to the NHS for the, you know, the work that they do for children that aren't well, and the way they looked after me as a parent as well was really, really lovely and touching. And um, yeah. Had a great Christmas. The boys had never really experienced anything like that before, so that was really magic. Um, the eldest of the two boys has autism, so we had, um, we, we found the humor in that and, and the light in that rather than, you know… He had some struggles, but we, we all learnt to live our lives in a way that suited him so that he didn't have to adapt to the norms of, we be quiet when this happens, and we can't say the same word 1,000 times. We would just do it with him, and that was, for Cody, fantastic. She knows so much about disability awareness, you know, at such a young age, and she schools people, you know? If anyone ever commented he wasn't wearing shoes, she would say, um, you know, "He has autism, and you should read about that." Mm-hmm. I'd say, "Oh." Um, but you know, good for her. Yeah. She learned to, to mimic how I would live my life with the boys and parent. Then came the day we got the call. Uh, court system, we rode through the court system with them, so we went to the final hearing. Um, we, we rode that wave with the boys, and it was heartbreaking. And we really nurtured family time. It was tough, um, and it was a massive learning curve for me. As a foster parent, you wanna protect them, and I had to learn very quickly that part of protecting them is celebrating tiny little things that come out of family time, documenting it for them, pictures, writing on the back, you know, um, Mom had bought this for you for Christmas, so that they never forget that as much as they could be, birth family were there. So I really enjoyed that path because that was probably the most surprising thing about fostering for me, how much that, that really is important for one day when those children are older. Yeah. So then we got the call that they were, um, they had adoptive parents interested. My heart broke. I can't lie to you. Um, it's something I still struggle with now, but it was just a loss because I was so humbled to have them, and I loved them being with us. But we met their foster parents, and I just knew. You know, I'm not really overly into destiny and fate, but this journey has solidified that within my bones that the boys were meant to be with me, and now they are where they are. They are so incredibly happy. Um, I was frightened about the, um, transitional period. They're not gonna cope without me. I'm all they know. And lo and behold, best believe it took them a week to cope without me.

Helen: 14:17

Okay.

Chelsey: 14:18

And, um, I loved it. Don't get me wrong. Like, my heart broke for losing them, but I was so happy that they… Children are so resilient. They're bouncy. Um, they, you know, if you teach them love, they learn to love others, and that's exactly what happened. They fell in love with their adoptive parents, and we are, Cody and I are so lucky we get to still see them. Oh, lovely. We go to birthdays. Yeah. We go to, you know, um, events like that, and we get to see them grow. The parents keep me very well informed with any new updates, and I get pictures and videos. And likewise, their parents love Cody because they cherish the fact that she's their sister.

Helen: 14:55

Yeah.

Chelsey: 14:55

So, um, yeah, it's, it's a, it's a big- Family, and we all just really, really relish in the fact that this is our lives, and this is how we've come together. And we all have a great deep respect for each other that-

Helen: 15:10

Aw… Chelsey: you know, this is a bond and now we're choosing to continue the bond- Yeah … which is magic. Absolutely. Chelsey, what a journey you've been on. And I think listening to you, um, I feel like what sticks out to me is that it's very important that you meet these children where they are, and-

Chelsey: 15:32

Yes

Helen: 15:32

you lead with empathy. W- would you agree with that? Is empathy- Absolutely … at the forefront of everything you do?

Chelsey: 15:40

Absolutely. Everything that we do for these children, we have to think from their shoes. Yeah. What does that look like? What does that feel like? We can't assume that all children, you know, they want to be given brand-new clothes and brand-new toys, and, you know, because we can provide it, we're gonna, you know, we're gonna take them to these places. And they should, they should be so thankful that they get to go meet Santa for the first time. You know, my, my eldest of my two foster sons hated that experience. And, um, you know, I had family members that didn't understand that."But why? You've, you're doing these things for them." That's okay. I'm gonna put myself in his shoes. He is settling into a new home. He has different sensory issues. He has, um, no memory of anything to do with Christmas, and here we are throwing it in his face in a grotto. You know, he's, of course, he's not gonna enjoy that. And I'm gonna put myself in his shoes and say maybe he just needs to go outside, put his feet on some grass, have a little cuddle, and move on with his day and not think about Santa Claus right now, and I'm okay with that, you know? Mm-hmm. We, um, sometimes we do things because that's what we think we would want our children to experience. But with children in care, you have to look at where they've come from and what they need in that moment, and it might not be perfect family life. You know, it might not be all the dreams that you dreamt to give them. It might just be something as simple as,"I know I'm safe in this house. I know that that parent is going to listen to my needs, and they're going to provide it."

Helen: 17:10

Yeah. So Chelsey, you've moved away from fostering now. You're not a foster carer yourself now, but now you've moved into being a, a recruit- a carer recruitment officer for The National Fostering Group. Yeah. So tell us about that. How did that all happen?

Chelsey: 17:26

So sadly, I don't have a spare room anymore. The boys, they, they… It coincided well with selling the house, and the boys went into adoption. So if I had a spare room, I… My biggest dream is someone would give me a house with 10 spare rooms, and I will foster till the day I die. Yeah. I would honestly hands down do this. I would not be able to recruit people into a job that I wouldn't be doing today if I could. Um, and so I jumped straight back into what I knew, which was corporate. Didn't last eight, maybe nine months before thinking, "I can't talk to people about things that I don't care about anymore, and I don't care about graphics anymore. I care about fostering." So I started to explore, what does this mean? What, what can I do? Um, you know, I, although I've got experience in corporate, I don't have any qualifications under my belt, so I can't, you know, walk into a social worker job. Um, but I came across this advert on Indeed, and I did intensive research into what, you know, what does this mean, and what does that look like, and how am I going to convince these people that although I've not done anything like this before, why should they hire me? And I really focused on that before my interview. Um, and I kinda came into it and said, "You know, I know my experience isn't exactly aligned, but I would-" Genuinely call myself a professional hand-holder with my career. In every career that I've had, that has been something that has been at the forefront of my focus. Um, and I believe that I can, you know, get people through the process between deciding if they maybe want to foster to welcoming their first child into the home.

Helen: 19:00

Yeah.

Chelsey: 19:00

So, yeah, I went through to interview, and frankly got it.

Helen: 19:03

And here you are. Yeah. And- Here

Chelsey: 19:05

I am … you're

Helen: 19:05

so, you're so passionate about it as well, Chelsey. It sort of bleeds into every part of your life because tell us about what happened at Disney.

Chelsey: 19:13

Oh, so after the boys left, obviously hit me and Cody very hard. We went from a very noisy household, you know, waking up in the morning to, you know, carnage everywhere, porridge being thrown at the wall, which we loved. Never would complain about that. Um, happy children, you know, they're, they're messy. And, um, Cody especially, she, it hit her hard and, you know, like most children, obsessed with Disney. It's our happy place. So I said, "Do you know what? We're gonna go away." So we booked it very last minute. We had the time of our lives. One day we're at Magic Kingdom in Florida, waiting for the parade to start, and a couple, uh, started talking to me, and they sort of said, "Oh, is she your only child?" And I said, "She is, but I do sort of consider myself a mom of four because I wa- did foster and, um, you know, that's why we're actually here. We're sort of, you know, cheering ourselves up because we, we were fostering two little boys that were adopted." And the woman sort of looked me square in the eye and said, "Um, I've, I've, I've been wondering what path to take, and I feel like you've just given me an idea. And I've knew, always knew I wanted to parent, but I can't physically be pregnant, and I didn't want to look into adoption. But fostering, I feel like I could really help some children." And she asked me, you know, "Is parenting But you're also nurturing children into the relationships they already have." I said, "Exactly. That's exactly what you're doing. You are parenting, but you absolutely do need to keep that in f- focus of your mind that, you know, fostering at its core is reunification where safe to do so. Um, and these children need safe homes, and they need safe adults that they can bond with, that they truly believe that these adults won't go anywhere because that is what they've been missing in their lives." And she took my number. She took advice on where to go about looking into it. Um, and I did get a Facebook message to say that they had started the process of application- Amazing shortly after the holiday. So, um, this was way before I know, knew about carer recruitment. Right. But I will take any opportunity where I can. People often have questions about fostering, and they are… You know, they're questions like, "Well, I'm single. Can I foster?" Um, yeah, you know, we're… I know with NFG, our marketing is very much, you know, especially at the moment, what questions do people have that they're afraid to ask, or what thoughts do they have about fostering that are really outdated and just untrue. So I would always be willing to talk to people about it, and I would encourage anyone that thinks if they have the capability, they have the spare room, and they want to help, have an initial call, have an initial conversation. All of our carer recruitment officers are all in the exact same boat as me. We want to talk to you to see where you're at, and if it's appropriate and you want to do it, we will talk you through this process. Um, and it starts with one conversation- Yeah … and then it snowballs, and then your life could absolutely change. And whilst your life is changing, you could also be changing the lives of even just one child. Yeah. Even if you just change one child's life, you know, being a foster carer is that. You are changing their life for the better. So I will scream it till the cows come home- … and I'll tell everyone I can.

Helen: 22:24

And I love that, Chelsey, that you were recruiting carers before you were even a carer recruitment officer. Like, the role- Yes … was just perfect for you, wasn't it? Yeah. So what do you see for your future now, Chelsey? Do you see maybe if there is an opportunity, at some point you might be a foster carer yourself again, or you're gonna continue- Yes with the carer recruitment? You know, what do you see yourself doing?

Chelsey: 22:48

I'm really loving this role, and I'm r- recognizing the passion inside me almost growing for fostering. So I truly believe that I will always be within this industry, and I would love nothing more than hopefully to one day have a spare room again. Um, and I'll be, you know, working hard to, to make that happen. I would love to foster again. Um, and Cody would love to foster again. She… It's something that she prides herself on. She talks about it all the time. And I have a very emotionally aware six-year-old girl who, um, fostering changed her life. She doesn't have birth siblings, but she has, you know, probably greater empathy than me, um- Yeah because of what she did. She had to learn very quickly to share her mom with other children. She had questions, you know. She had questions at three years old, and I never went into details, but I always told her the truth. And, um, she says, you know, every single year when they say, "What do you wanna be when you're older?" at school, she says, "A foster carer as well." Aw. So I would love that for, for our future.

Helen: 23:51

Yeah.

Chelsey: 23:51

Um, hopefully one day. You never know. Yeah.

Helen: 23:54

Oh, well, Chelsey, it's been fantastic speaking to you, and best of luck with the future. Thank you so

Chelsey: 23:59

much. Thank you so much for your time. Thank you.

Helen: 24:02

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering Group, and make this the year you foster