Voices of Fostering brought to you by National Fostering Group.
Everyone’s life takes a different path. As children and young people decisions can be made for us that shape our lives forever – whether for good or bad. As adults, we have the opportunity to make our own choices. And what we choose can have a positive impact on us and the world around us. Particularly if one of those choices is fostering. When you listen to the stories of children and young people whose lives have been touched by foster carers, you start to see the impact that fostering can have. When you decide to foster, it’s hard to imagine just how big a difference you could make. Not just to the young people you foster, but rippling out into countless other lives. Your choice to foster could transform the life chances of some of the most vulnerable people in society. In this podcast, you’ll hear young people who were fostered, birth children and foster carers talking openly and candidly about their experiences. You’ll get to understand why fostering can be simultaneously the most rewarding and the most challenging thing you’ll ever do and why embarking on this extraordinary journey changes people forever. If you’ve ever been curious about what it really means to foster, what difference it really makes, you’ll find the answers here.
In this episode of Voices of Fostering, host Helen sits down with Julie, a foster carer of nearly nine years, to talk about her family's journey into fostering. Julie shares what led her and her husband to explore fostering, what the assessment process was really like, and how they've built a settled, long-term family life with a sibling group of three children since 2019.
She opens up about the emotional side of fostering — including the powerful "relay race" analogy that helped her let go of guilt when those in their care move on — plus the importance of peer support, ongoing training, and looking after your own wellbeing as a carer. Julie also discusses permanency, involving her adult birth children as backup carers, and what's kept her family committed for nearly a decade.
Whether you're curious about fostering or just starting to explore it, Julie's honest, heartfelt insights show that you've got nothing to lose by making that first inquiry.
If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.
If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk
Hi there, and welcome to this episode of Voices of Fostering, where today I'm joined by one of our lovely foster carers, uh, Julie. Hello, Julie.
Julie:
Hello.
Helen:
Welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining us. So Julie, I understand you've been fostering now for, uh, nearly nine years. So tell us a little bit about what led you to fostering. Um, you know, how did you get started?
Julie:
So, um, as a family, we had heard that there was a need, uh, for foster carers, um, and me and my husband and our children were all very open to exploring fostering, um, and what it would involve. Um, because we had sort of what we thought was a lovely family when our children had lovely experiences in life, we thought we had enough sort of room in all our hearts and, and also a spare room to be able to offer this to children that, you know, needed sort of care and support. Um, but for us, we waited until our children were old enough to be able to have a say in whether if this was something that they would be happy for us as a family to do as well. Um, and they were, so that's when we started to explore fostering and what it, you know, what it would involve.
Helen:
Yes. That was a, a real decision for the whole family then, wasn't it? And how did that look at the beginning then? You know, can you remember that first inquiry? You know, did you hit the ground running, or did it take a little bit of time?
Julie:
Yeah, I think, I think initially, I think, think we rang… I can't remember exactly 'cause it was so many years ago, but I think we rang maybe a local authority, um, just to, um, inquire. Um, and then I don't think at that moment in time we actually took it any further, and I think we waited, if I remember correctly, a few years until our children were a bit older, 'cause they, you know, our children were sort of 11, about 13 when we started to properly investigate or explore what fostering would mean as a family. And, um- So I think we'd put out the initial sort of inquiry. I can't remember if it was online or by phone. Yeah. Um, and then we did the, the initial little training course where you go to sort of find out a bit more about fostering before you decide if you do actually want to take that step into doing, you know, the full MEF and starting- Yeah the official sort of procedure.
Helen:
Yeah, 'cause I think it's important for people to realize that, isn't it, Julie? Like, if you do inquire, it doesn't mean that you're gonna be a foster care the next day. Like, you know, it's very much you can dip your toe, find out information. Yeah. You know, it's… It can be a long process, can't it?
Julie:
Yeah, and I think the main thing is knowing that just by inquiring, you're under no obligation. If, if you feel that it's something that isn't right for you, you, you'll never, you know… There's never any pressure-
Helen:
Yeah… Julie: to continue that journey. So for us, it's something that we explored, and I think the main thing for us was our children were on board. Yeah. Um, because we wanted to make a decision that our children would be happy with. Yeah.
Julie:
Um, so I think we were all very much of the same sort of opinion and- Yeah … same, you know, we're all very much for it. Yeah.
Helen:
So when you did get to that point where you were ready to go and you were heading into the assessment, what was that whole process like?
Julie:
So we had… It, it's a very thorough-
Helen:
Mm… Julie: um, procedure. Basically, it sort of goes back to your, your childhood. Um, so it, it's a very… And also, one of the things that you sort of think is sometimes it's quite hard to remember everything. Yeah.
Julie:
Like, career-wise because it's, like, sort of every job re- that you've ever had, and, um, so you definitely need your CV.
Helen:
Yeah.
Julie:
Um, so I mean, it wasn't daunting because we had a social worker who was very sort of, um, always very approachable and calm. So for us, we just basically… It was like having regular meetings, really. Um, but it's a very thorough, but I would say it wasn't daunting.
Helen:
Yeah. And then what happened at the end of your assessment then? Did you have a child or young person come to stay with you straight away, or was there a little bit of time?
Julie:
Yeah, so we, um, when we were approved as a family, we had a child come to us, um, it was within about a week, actually. Wow. It was very quick. Um, and she was with us for about 11 weeks, and w- without going into any sort of details, she then moved on to another, um- carer. Um, but what I would say is one of the most important things I've learned is that you are some… I mean, we, we've had children with us very long term, some are short term, but always see it as a positive in that you've always tried to help. So no matter how long you've had a child with you, you've always brought something positive. Um, and I always remember a, a group, a support group, they said,"Sometimes you're part of a relay race, and you'll do your little bit-
Helen:
Yeah… Julie: and then someone Yeah.
Julie:
Um, but I would say that the more years that you… It's like any- anything, the more years that you have done training, um, and things like that, the more confident and experience that you'll get.
Helen:
Yeah.
Julie:
Um, yeah. Um-
Helen:
I really like that analogy, Julie. You're, you know, you're passing the baton on. You know? You, you- Yeah … and whilst you've got that baton, you try your best, don't you?
Julie:
Yeah, because I always remember,'cause you mustn't feel… It's, it's quite easy as a human being to sometimes feel that you've failed, but actually, if you don't look at it as failure,'cause at the support groups you could actually see that you've done your part of that relay and you've passed on. So I think it's, it's always trying to not be so hard on yourself if things don't go quite as, as, um, you planned- Yeah,
Helen:
yeah… Julie: say, with, um, situation. And you've mentioned, you've mentioned there support groups and training, so tell us about that. You know, what sort of support and training do you access?
Julie:
So, um, I quite enjoy the training. I do a lot of online training because I find that is so much easier to fit into your everyday lifestyle. Um, if we had local face-to-face, then yes, we, we would use local face-to-face. So, um, I find that sometimes, um, it's like I've been on deescalation training, therapeutic training, um, I find that it's a good refresher, and also when you're doing online classroom interactive training, you get to liaise with other foster carers, and, um, it's, it's really good to sometimes- Be able to communicate with people that are doing the same kind of thing as you, 'cause they, they know how it truly feels.
Helen:
Yeah. Yeah, do you find that your peers are really important, connecting with other foster carers?
Julie:
We do, but unfortunately where we are, uh, we, we are trying to, um, encourage more support groups. But, um, I, I've sort of got one, uh, friend who we, we have our own sort of WhatsApp catch-up.
Helen:
Yeah
Julie:
We formed our own support group. But also, um, support is like my husband is a, now a full-time foster carer, so we're both full-time. Um, initially for many years he worked full-time, but we both now are full-time together. Very impor- I mean, for us, we very much support each other. Um, and then you can have your support group can be, like, your friend, well, you know, confidential friends. There's… Obviously, you can't disclose, um, sort of certain information. But I find that just having, like, the support of my parents mentally, not with care, but just, just looking after yourself really. Mm-hmm. It doesn't have to be always to discuss the fostering, but just good wellbeing, going for a dog walk with somebody, you know? Um, it's… Looking after yourself is very posi- you know, you… It's very positive for yourself to look after you as well.
Helen:
Yeah. Absolutely, I agree. And what does your f- fostering family look like at the moment, then? How many children or young people do you have living with you?
Julie:
So we, um, since 2019, we had, um, a sibling group, which we still have two of the children of three, and our birth children still live at home. So our daughter is in her 20s, and our son is in his 20s. So we've always had our two birth children at home, and then sibling group of three. But the eldest has now left and gone to university, um, but is still sort of in touch a little bit, but sort of really- Gained their independence. The older one of the three sibling group sort of independent now and gone on to university. But we still got, um, of the two younger ones, um, who aren't so young now. One has just done their GCSE, and the other youngest is at secondary school. But, um, I would say very settled, very family-like. Um, the bonus of having, um, permanency is that you can really feel like a proper family, and it gives security for the children because they know that they're with you, and they're secure.
Helen:
Yeah. Um- So tell us about permanency then, Julie. What, what does that mean for somebody who maybe doesn't understand or hasn't heard that before?
Julie:
Well, from what I understand is you have long-term fostering, which is very similar to permanency really. Um, I wouldn't like to say… I couldn't tell you the exact differences, but permanency is basically similar to long-term fostering. Yeah. So the children know that they, um, can stay with you, unless obviously… That they ha- They can stay with you till they're sort of adult.
Helen:
Yeah. And also as well- Mm … um, it'd be interesting to get an understanding of your, your children who you now say are, um, are adults. What happens as they, as they enter adulthood? Can they become, l- like, a support carer for you? Are they able- Yeah … to look after the children as well?
Julie:
Yes. So, um, I mean, not that me, me and my husband don't really go away a lot, um, on our own. But we… Our birth children, once they're 18, they'll have a DBS. Um, and our older children are our backup carers. So, um, we did once, um, manage to go away, me and my husband, um, and our birth b- w- birth children, because they're adults-
Helen:
Yeah… Julie: um, they had to, they had sort of rang them and had to go for a few sort of procedures. But they were, um, now, they're now our backup carers, which is so much better 'cause it means that our children have never had to go to respite. Not that there's anything wrong with children going to respite, because some children do like going to respite to other carers. But for our children, they like to just stay in their own home, normal routine. Um, so that's what works for us. But we are f- fortunate that we have adult- They weren't adults, but they are now adult- Yeah birthed children. Yeah. So you've had that sibling group of three with you since 2019. You said, of course, one of them is now older and has, has gone to university. So that's, what? Seven years, you know, that you- they've been with you and you've been in their lives. What, what sort of pr- progress have you seen? What, what sort of journey have you seen them go on since they first came to, to live with you?
Julie:
Oh, um, just, uh, they really, really… They've… As someone said to me, they're like a little flower and they've bloomed. Um, you know, like the youngest, or I won't give names 'cause of data- Yeah … confidentiality, but the youngest doing very well at school, very involved in Cubs, wants to, you know, goes to youth club, goes to Scouts, goes to Cub- you know, helps at Cubs. Very much enjoying life, wants to get involved. Um, and, um, middle one, the child just has done GCSEs. Um, always, all the children always attended school, very well-mannered, very well-behaved. Um, and yeah, very proud of them all. Um, um, but yeah, I, I think it's helped because they have been with us so many years. Um, and I think- It's quite nice that they've had been settled, and they've all been together.
Helen:
Yeah.
Julie:
Yeah.
Helen:
Yeah. And do you think this is something that you'll do for a long time in the, in the future? Can you see y- yourself doing it forever, really?
Julie:
Well, eventually, me and my husband may want a little bit more freedom. So, um, we're definitely… Obviously, our, our children that are with us now may want to do stay in, but it, it obviously will be their choice. So that would take us for quite a few years to come if they decided to take that option. So, um, we're definitely committed to the children in, in our care. Yeah. Um, and then I think in some sense, um, it does keep you young. Because, um, you know, it's like, for instance, we were at the cinema watching the He-Man film on Sunday. Me and Wes were the youngest. So it does actually, does actually keep you sort of young in a sense that you're still doing the things that you would've done when your own birth children were younger.
Helen:
Yeah.
Julie:
But, um, it, it's something we would consider, um, in years to come, but, but we're just… We're, we're, we're all definitely committed for the next quite a few years anyway.
Helen:
Yeah. And, and what is it that keeps you motivated and, and c- and committed, Julie? What, what is it that keeps you going?
Julie:
Well, because you, you form a relationship with the children that are in your care, and, um, and you, you just wanna stand by them, really. Um, so they do become very much part of your family. And, um, yeah, and it, it, it just works. I mean, obviously- It's gonna be like sometimes it's a little bit harder than others. Yeah. But that's life. Nor- normal family life. But on the whole, it's generally, you know, it's very sort of everyone very happy-go-lucky,
Helen:
you know. And if anyone listening or watching was, you know, you nine years ago, or nine, 10 years ago, and was thinking about fostering, how would you encourage them to, to make that inquiry and to, you know, to sort of dip their toe?
Julie:
Well, I'd just say really send that email online or make that phone call, um, because you've got nothing to lose. Because as long as you don't pressure, pressure yourself that you, you have to, you have to do it, just see that you're just inquiring and just go with the flow of the inquiry. And there's a whole team to support you as a foster carer. Um, you, you're not on your own. Um, there is support, you know, from your supervising social worker, um, and the agency. And, um, I would just say explore it. Um, y- you've got nothing to lose by just exploring-
Helen:
Yeah… Julie: dipping your toe. Um, yeah. And you… As you say, you're gonna have that support every step of the way, aren't you? Well, it's been lovely to chat to you, Julie. Thank you so much for your time today. Yeah. And, uh, best of luck with the future.
Julie:
Thank you. Bye.
Helen:
Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering Group and make this the year you foster.
