Voices of Fostering

Steve - Fostering While Working Full-Time

• National Fostering Group • Season 5 • Episode 7

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 16:54

Send us Fan Mail

In this episode of Voices of Fostering, we sit down with Steve, who has been fostering alongside his wife for five years while working full-time at Transport for London. Steve shares how they balance a busy household of six children with hybrid working, what it was like welcoming their first placement during the pandemic lockdown, and the moments that make it all worthwhile — from unbridled Saturday morning fun to hearing relatives mistake foster siblings for blood family.

Steve opens up about the assessment process, staying open-minded about who you foster, building trust with children who've had very different life experiences, and why fostering isn't a 9-to-5 role but a lifestyle the whole family shares in.

If you've ever wondered whether you can foster while keeping your career, this honest and heartwarming conversation is for you.

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk

You can also follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Linkedin and YouTube

Helen:

Hello, and welcome to this episode of Voices of Fostering. Thank you so much for joining us. Now, today on the podcast, I'm joined by Steve. Hello, Steve.

Steve:

Hello.

Helen:

How are you doing? Hi. Thank you so much for joining us. Now, Steve, quite a lot when people are thinking about fostering, they might think, "You know what? I've got a career that I really enjoy. I don't wanna give that up." Um, so I think it's really interesting to, to speak to you today, Steve, because you foster alongside your wife. She is the primary carer, but you work full-time as well, don't you?

Steve:

Yeah. So I'm a full-time employee at Transport For London. So what helps, I've got a hybrid working arrangement, so on, uh, days like today, which is roughly half of my working days, I travel to London. Um, and half I work from home, um, which certainly helps. Yeah. Um, but yeah, it means I've got quite busy days inside and outside of, of work.

Helen:

So you and your wife have been fostering for five years now. So if you take us back to be- before that, really, those initial conversations when you were both thinking about it, was it important for you that you could still continue with your career? Um,

Steve:

yeah. We, um… I mean, I guess it's like parenting, you know. We, we, we, we have our own kids as well, and, um, I, I wanted to continue doing my job. Um, so that wa- that was, you know, always what we thought we would do. But we, we'd had a lot of conversations over the years about fostering, and when we finally came around to do it, um, we, we didn't see any reason to, to change the, the situation of, you know, me still doing this job because, you know, like parenting, fostering, um, isn't something that only happens from,

from 9:00 to 5:

00 on Monday to Friday. So there's plenty of other stuff going on outside of those hours too.

Helen:

Yeah. So you, you said you- Yeah … have your own children. What was it about fostering, Steve- Yeah … that, that piqued your interest?

Steve:

Um, my wife's dream job has always been, um, working with kids. So previously, uh, we've, uh, my wife had done child minding. My wife was an au pair, uh, back in the day, and we did… She'd done child minding jobs. We'd done child minding, uh, in the home. Um, I've worked with kids at the nursery. Um, so it was very much, I think, it seemed, felt like a natural progression almost to, to move to that next. Um, and you know, I, I'm- I get on great with kids too. Um, and like, you know, that side of my life, and I've always, you know, enjoyed… On the house clown, I think would be the dynamic. Um, my wife is there, Ildy's the sort of day to day, keeps everybody organized, make sure everybody does what they have to do, and I'm, you know, there to, to help or, or entertain or whatever when I'm around.

Helen:

So you've been fostering now for five years. If I do a bit of maths- Yeah … that takes us back to sort of '21, which was the pandemic. So what was it like during that time?

Steve:

Yeah. So yeah, it was, we were approved and started fostering five years ago, but it, it was a lockdown conversation- Wow … that got the ball rolling- Yeah on the whole, um, assessment, uh, process. We'd, we'd seen something on the telly that just prompted us. You know, we've, we've talked and talked about doing this over the years, but we'd never actually done it. Let's, let's see what we can do. Did a little bit of research on the phone, um, and, uh, found, found the agency and there was a, "If you're interested, send a text to this number and we'll get back to you." So we thought, you know, we're, we're sitting around looking at each other, you know, we've, we've got time, we've got the space, uh, to do this. Why, why not take the plunge and see what

Helen:

happens? Yeah. So, so what was your assessment process like then? I imagine it was maybe a little bit different to normal with it being, you know, during the pandemic.

Steve:

Yeah. It, it was… So there was sort of stop and start because a lot of the assessment was face to face, so there was a few spells when we couldn't actually meet face to face. So it maybe took a little bit longer. I think it was about nine months of on and off going through the assessment process, um, before we got approved. Um, but yeah, it was still… You know, that was an interesting process.

Helen:

And then tell us about after you got approved then, you know, your first child that came to live with you. How s- how soon after was that?

Steve:

Um, it was a couple of months from when we'd been to panel and got approved, and then it was one Friday afternoon, I was working from home, um, the phone went and the, the referral, um, sounded okay. Um, so we said, "Okay, that sounds good." It was an emergency. Um, so they had some, uh, two, two young girls who needed somewhere that day. And, um, when, when we, when you first say yes, it doesn't necessarily follow that it will be you. There might, may be other carers also saying yes. And so we'd, we just had to wait, and we were, you know, absolute bag of nerves waiting to hear back. And then a phone call or so later, I was on the phone, um, to somebody, and on, I'd sort of said to my wife, "I think this might actually happen." And I think it was like three hours later, we got a, a text just came through, and it was, "Sat Nav says we'll be there in 10 minutes." 10 minutes later, the doorbell went, and, and in they came.

Helen:

Wow. So in those 10 minutes, what sort of feelings and emotions are going on for you and your wife, Steve?

Steve:

Um, I th- I think we were excited and petrified at the same time. But we're like, "Oh, my God," you know, because we just didn't know, um, what, what, you know, two complete strangers, two young, uh, kids were gonna be the other side of the door, and, and what that was gonna be, um, like for, for them or for us or, or for, um, our boys.

Helen:

I suppose, Steve, you don't ever really know what to expect, do you? So do you think it's important to always keep an open mind really?

Steve:

Ab- absolutely. Um, I mean, we were really lucky in the assessment, uh, process. Our supervising social worker was absolutely brilliant, and they, um, you know, made us think long and hard because some people go in and think we want to look after just boys or just girls or just young kids or just old kids or whatever, and I think, you know, people are like, you know, we're as unique as our fingerprints. Everybody's different, and you've got to just sort of hear each, each case on its merits and think, you know, "Is this the right place for them? Are we the right people for them? Are they the right sort of, um, people for us?" And just, um, you know, don't, don't discount anybody on, on a demograph or something like that until you've, you know, heard out, uh, what you're gonna get. The, what you get in a referral is often quite limited, so it's never the full story. Um, but you've still got to, you know, sometimes make a call. You can ask questions as well, but you've got limited information for all sorts of reasons, including, I guess, confidentiality. You can't get- Ev- every detail

Helen:

So how many children have you had live with you over these five years now, Steve?

Steve:

Um, those two were with us for a few years. Um, we've had another young person who's been with us, uh, three and a half years, at least four years this year. Um, another young person who's with us a couple of years at the minute. Another young person who was with us till they were 18 and left Um, so I don't know how many that was.

Helen:

Yeah, so quite

Steve:

a few then. Um, and then we have also… It's, it's a few, and then in between, uh, placements, we have done, um, a bit of respite, which is when somebody comes to you for just a short spell. Yeah, like a stayover.

Helen:

So

Steve:

we've had a few other, uh, you know, little… Yeah, or a, a weekend or a few days for holidays and, and things like that.

Helen:

Yeah. So those, the children and young people that have lived with you for two or three years, how do those relationships build over time, Steve? Do you sort of… Are there, like, certain markers where you think, "Wow, we've really made a breakthrough here," or, "Things are really improving"?

Steve:

I, I think so because everybody, you know, when they first arrive, you know, they've, they've had another life before they walked into your home. And again, you know, families are all different, so your norm is potentially quite different to theirs. Um, so there's always a getting to know you period and people, you know, forming, you know, testing each other, I guess, and then, you know, forming closer bonds. But over time, um, I think, you know, the, everybody can settle in, and that's, that's what you want, you know? We always wanted not to have a revolving door. We wanted, you know, just to have other people join the household and experience everything we did. So I think, you know, one of the nicest things, you know, we've heard is when we've been on holiday and seen extended family who we maybe don't see very often, and somebody has said, looking at, you know, the kids playing together, that if they didn't know they weren't brothers and sisters, they, they never would've guessed.

Helen:

That's amazing to hear, isn't it? Yeah. And I imagine when you see the children, you know, feeling really relaxed, that, that must feel like a real achievement for you. Are there any moments- Mm-hmm… Steve: that sort of stand out? Um, lots. I think, you know, I've, I've s- I've just not… You know, it doesn't sound extraordinary, but I've sat in the living room on a Saturday morning with a cup of coffee and seen the kids, you know, darting up and down, screaming, going mad, um, but just thinking, you know, they're relaxed and happy enough to have a bit of- Unbridled fun, um, in, you know, our home, um, is, you know, is nice that, that they can relax and, and have that much fun and, and feel at home with us. Yeah. That must feel like a real achievement, Steve. I know. And, you know, you said- Yeah … earlier your wife is, is the main carer. You work full time. So what does a typical day look like for, for you and your fostering family?

Steve:

Um, it, it depends. On days like today when I'm in London, we, we live in South Lincolnshire, so I've had to get up quite early this morning, so I'm gone before anybody else is up. Um, and I'll… this evening I'll travel, um, home, and I'll actually go meet the family at the swimming pool. Oh, amazing. So some of them who aren't in lessons can go home and, um, finish off their day, and younger ones will go to bed while I'll wait for the others. Um, on days when I'm at home, um, I, I get to go have a little bit of a part to play in the start of the day, so I can help with breakfast, um, do… One of the schools that some of the kids go to is over the road, so I can run kids over to the school, which is nice, or take somebody to the bus stop down the road. Um- Obviously can't go too far because I'm still trying to, you know,

sit down and join meetings by 9:

00 o'clock, but I can do something to keep, keep the, all the cogs turning, get everybody where they're supposed to be, when they're supposed to be. And then after work in the evenings it's nice 'cause I can then be there for, you know, picking somebody up from the bus stop-

Helen:

Yeah… Steve: and so on. Um, with… There's, there's a few kids. There's, um, in total at the minute, six, um, in the house. Oh, wow.

Steve:

Um, so it's really, uh, busy. We're, we're generally, um, that's more than we would have, but there's one young person needed some time after they were 18, um, and we were asked if we could, uh, if we'd be happy to have them stay a while longer, and we said fine. Yeah. So, so they are. Um, but yeah, there's, there's always something, um, to do, so, um-

Helen:

Yeah. Sounds like a- … I think- … very busy household you've got there, Steve.

Steve:

Yeah. Work- working or not working, you know, in the, um, times when I'm not doing my day job, if you like, it's- Yeah … it's busy. And I, you know, but I, I think as a couple you've gotta both be into it and playing a part. You can't, you know… You can compartmentalize a job like what I'm doing right now in the office, but a job like that, it's a lifestyle choice, so it's, it's there all the time. Yeah.

Helen:

Well, it's been wonderful to chat to you, Steve, and get a bit of an insight into your, your fostering family at the moment. A very, very busy one. Um, just before you go, Steve, if there was anyone watching or listening, maybe they're thinking about fostering, they've heard about it, they think it might be for them, how would you encourage them to, to take that next step and, and maybe make an inquiry?

Steve:

Um, you know, we, we- Did a very little bit of, um, internet research. I mean, if somebody's, um, watching this, they're aware of, you know, your organization. But I would say they're… you're not gonna be, um, frog marched off and forced to do fostering if you don't want to. So if you wanna talk, talk to people, get in touch with, you know, your, your local branch. Um, and, you know, that you can talk to people who will, you know, give you, um, a lot of really, you know, insightful information, let you talk to other, uh, carers. Um, but if, if somebody's thinking about it, you know, take, take the first couple of steps and you'll, you'll get told, you know, an awful lot, um, of what you need to know to make an informed decision.

Helen:

Um- And you can really make a difference, can't you, Steve, to so many children's lives. I think that's so important to remember, isn't it?

Steve:

Yeah. Yeah. It's, you know, um, it's given us, you know, um, a, a bit of a surprise. You know, we didn't realize. I think when people talk about being privileged, you… a lot of people maybe say that these days, and you don't realize. I think I probably said and didn't realize quite how privileged a life I lead, and a lot of people lead. And when you see, you know, what, what other, um, you know, kids out there are experiencing, um, what some of them have gone through, what their day-to-day lives are like, it's, you know, quite an eye-opener. And if, if somebody's got the, the inclination and the time and the space to do it, um, you know, I, I don't… We, we, we've had ups and downs, you know, trials and tribulations, but we 100%, um, are, are delighted we did what we did and would, you know, recommend it, you know, to anybody else. And certainly if you're thinking about it, you know, it's, it's worth, you know, making the call and, you know, finding out more. The, the agencies and that that you talk to, they, they don't wanna force people into it. They, they, they'll only, you know, progress if it's right for their organization and the people in question. So just, just give it a whirl, find out a bit more.

Helen:

Well, thank you so much, Steve, to you and your wife for all the incredible work that you do. And thank you so much for chatting to us today.

Steve:

No, no problem. Nice talking to you.

Helen:

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering Group, and make this the year you foster.