Suzanne - A First-Year Foster Carer's Story

In this episode of Voices of Fostering, Helen sits down with Suzanne — a foster carer who has just celebrated her one-year anniversary.

Inspired by her own mum's fostering journey, Suzanne left a 16-year career in retail management to pursue what she now calls her "calling." She opens up about:

• 🏠 What inspired her to become a foster carer
• 📋 The thorough (and sometimes nerve-wracking!) assessment and panel process
• 💡 How her perceptions of fostering changed in her first year
• ❤️ The reality of caring for children with difficult prior experiences
• 🤝 The power of community, training, and support through a fostering agency

Whether you're considering fostering or just curious about what life as a foster carer really looks like, Suzanne's honest and heartfelt story will inspire you.

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk

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Transcript

Helen: 0:00

Hello, and welcome to this episode of Voices of Fostering. Today, I'm delighted to be joined by one of our lovely foster carers, Suzanne. Welcome, Suzanne.

Suzanne: 0:10

Hi. You okay?

Helen: 0:12

I'm good, yeah. How are you, Suzanne?

Suzanne: 0:14

Oh, good.

Helen: 0:15

Good stuff. Well, thank you so much for joining us today. It's lovely to have you with us. Now, you've been a foster carer for one year, haven't you? Have you just celebrated your one-year anniversary?

Suzanne: 0:27

Yeah. Just with the panel, that's so brilliant, glowing references. It was really nice.

Helen: 0:33

Amazing. Congratulations. And just take us back really, Suzanne. Let's, let's start at the very beginning. Um, you know, you've been a foster carer for a year, but I imagine the whole process started quite a bit before that. You've probably been thinking about it for years before that. Where, where… How did it all begin for you?

Suzanne: 0:52

So, my mum used to foster. I think I was about 17, and l- I'd left home.

Helen: 0:58

Oh, right.

Suzanne: 0:59

Um, she started fostering and I was like, "Are you mad? You've got all your children and now you wanna foster."

Helen: 1:06

Like, "She's crazy."

Suzanne: 1:08

But we had some really lovely children, and it was, it was

Helen: 1:13

nice. It was lovely growing up like

Suzanne: 1:16

that. And then I got into retail, retail management. I was there for 16 years at Aldi. Then, um, started thinking, "Oh, God, can I do this forever?" My, my body's wrecked, my knees are wrecked, and it's

Helen: 1:29

like working on your

Suzanne: 1:32

feet. And I started thinking about it, and talking to my partner and saying,"Would you like to do it?" And he was like, "Yeah, let's go for it." Um, ended up leaving Aldi, got a test walk. So in the year, got… I can start training with fostering, so it's really… It was nice to be able to do all the training while really, really thought about it, and it was… I enjoyed it, actually.

Helen: 2:06

Yeah? Yeah, a lot of people say that. Yeah, they really do. We'll talk about that in a sec, but firstly, you were inspired by your own parent then, weren't you? That's amazing.

Suzanne: 2:17

Yeah. Because I worked for Barnardo's for, oh, God, about 10 year, I think. Yeah.

Helen: 2:26

And what are some of your memories? You say, you know, you were s- was it 17 when your mum started fostering, so, you know, you'd be possibly leaving the, the home. But what are some of your memories of, of foster children being part of your family?

Suzanne: 2:41

And yeah, we just… The, I think he was doing West Side, and then… Of course, it's called Stay Out there now.

Helen: 2:48

Yeah.

Suzanne: 2:50

Um, but we, at one point, Greg followed six years, and I looked at him as like a little brother. So we used to, we used to take him out. He was always there. It was… Yeah, it was part of the family.

Helen: 3:05

Yeah. And you said that i- initially you were a bit like, "Wow," you know, "why are you doing this when you've just got rid of all your kids?" But did you understand the method in the madness as time went on?

Suzanne: 3:18

Yeah, yeah. It's such a nice job. It's a lovely… And I do look at it as a job. Most people, are mental, they're like, "Oh, don't look at it as a job," and stuff like that. But I think it's a lovely career to have. I think I'm doing something right. I'm doing something good. I think I'm doing something to help people now. Whereas in retail, I was just plodding on.

Helen: 3:43

And I, I know what you mean. Some people don't like to call it a job. It's more of sort of a vocation, isn't it? Or like a sort of calling, a way of life. But you can do a job with your heart and soul, can't you?

Suzanne: 3:54

Definitely. And I think a lot more young people into fostering, if they did look at it as a job or a career, and I think that's what we need really. We need so many more foster p- parents and carers that, yeah, it needs to be done about it really, make it look a bit differently.

Helen: 4:15

Yeah. So going back to your assessment, um, Suzanne, um, you said, you know, you actually quite enjoyed it. So, so what was it like?

Suzanne: 4:25

Well, the assessment is really, really thorough. I mean, they're going, like, "Who's ex-husband from 1999?" I was like, "Ah." I was like, "Oh, John." But, um, ah, it's good. It's a good thing that they do that,

Helen: 4:46

isn't

Suzanne: 4:46

it- Yeah … at

Helen: 4:47

the end of the day. But, um, we only had one problem. My partner, they couldn't get in touch with

Suzanne: 4:53

his ex-girlfriend from years ago. But that was the only problem we had really. All me ex-employers and loads of references, all my friends give good references, then obviously my family and then, um, but yeah, it was good. I've got a little dachshund and you have to do a little assessment on the dog.

Helen: 5:15

And did the dachshund do well? Yeah. I think sometimes people can be worried or put off, Suzanne, can't they, about, uh, you know, the, those intrusive parts or thorough parts of the assessment process where, yeah, you know, they do have to contact ex-partners and, and you know, people who've been in your life, but it, everything is, is work through-able, isn't it? Definitely.

Suzanne: 5:42

Yeah, definitely. I think I was well scared of the medical. I said, "What you gonna do? What you gonna make me do that wee test thing that we had to do

Helen: 5:50

at school?" And did they? No. No, they didn't.

Suzanne: 5:59

And what? Imagine. Oh

Helen: 6:01

So take us back to when you found out that you'd been approved. You know, your panel day, what was that like, Suzanne?

Suzanne: 6:08

Panel day was a bit stressful because of, of my partner not being able to get in touch with his ex. Well, they were a bit like, they need to get in touch with the ex, they need… You know, and we were in there a bit of a while, a bit waiting, bit long, and I was like, "What's going on here?" What the… I can't remember what he's called, like the head panel man-

Helen: 6:32

Yeah. What was it like? How… Yeah, how did you feel? Yeah.

Suzanne: 6:36

Oh, I was so nervous. But they do that F1 form, and everything should be covered in it, and everything is done, and they ask you questions in panel, and you know the answer, but I'm a bit slow. If somebody's asking a question, you're put on the spot, I'm like… And my partner was really, really good. He was just, like, answering the questions straight away, and I was

Helen: 7:06

like, "Good for

Suzanne: 7:08

you." You know, when you just get put on the spot and you're like…

Helen: 7:12

Yeah, but obviously they could see that, that you and your partner, you know, would be wonderful foster carers. They could clearly see that.

Suzanne: 7:19

Yeah, definitely.

Helen: 7:21

And, you know, you've talked about the fact that you, you had fostering in your life from an earlier age, from, from your teens, but how have your perceptions of fostering changed in the last year? You know, were there some things that you thought about fostering that maybe aren't true?

Suzanne: 7:38

So yeah, I went into fostering to do short-term, and I always thought kids in foster care, somebody's fighting for them, so- I think it's 26… It's meant to be about 26 weeks for family court to go through. That's not always the case. But I always thought there was somebody fighting for these kids. If it's not mom, dad, it would be an uncle, a cousin, a friend. So I always thought, short-term, and then they're gonna go back to somebody. So I always thought looking af- looking after a child until somebody's proven themselves that they can actually look after these kids again. You know what I mean?

Helen: 8:25

Yeah.

Suzanne: 8:26

That's how I viewed it, and that's just not the case at all. No. And it's heartbreaking when so many kids are staying in foster care long-term, and that's why we need more foster carers because there's, there's so many kids staying long-term. I mean, I, I feel for people. I, I don't know the exact stats on everything, like, how many kids go back, but I've had one boy a year now. Third of June will be about my year short-term. Yeah. But he's-

Helen: 8:59

So tell us about your fostering family over the last year then. You say you've had a, a nine-year-old boy who's, who's still with you now. You've also had some stay-over care as well, haven't you? Tell, tell us about how it's been over the last year.

Suzanne: 9:15

So my first actually two children was stay-overs, and it got me, like, you know, like, used to it, like, a nice little starter. Oh, no, absolute angels, these girls, sisters. Either made their own breakfast in the morning. They'd be, like, getting up, making their own breakfast. I'd be like, "Are you doubting?" Do you know what I mean? Oh, they were little darlings. And I'm still in touch with them now, actually. It's, um, you know, with the company, we all go out together and-

Helen: 9:46

Yeah… Suzanne: yeah, it's, like, really is nice. I've had… I had them a year ago. The boy who I've got now and his sister, and then he's had to go, and then I've had, I think, six more stay-overs. Oh, wow.

Suzanne: 10:02

Yeah. And I see them all.

Helen: 10:06

Yeah. And are you, are you mostly doing, you know, stay-over care and, and short-term even though you say you've had a child with you for a year now, so that might go on longer. But what sort of fostering are you, are you mainly sticking to?

Suzanne: 10:20

Yeah, short-term stay-overs. I think if the right… If this sounds sort of silly, that if the right came and tried to stay, they would look for a long-term, I'm sure I'd give them a heartbeat, you know.

Helen: 10:37

Yeah… Suzanne: it's, we take each And how have you find, found being part of, of the fostering agency in general? You know, there's a lot of training and things you can learn. Have, have you taken advantage of any of that?

Suzanne: 10:52

Yeah, it's been really good. So yeah, I've already managed to attended all your training days that you have to. And then there's courses where you can just type in and it'll come up. So I had a child that had been, um, sexually abused, so I just typed in Foster Group sexual abuse, and a course came up. It was a really f- like, it was a course, but it give me a real good idea of how to, uh, answer questions and deal with it,' Helen: cause I've never had to deal with anything like that before. Wouldn't have a clue. So it was really nice to go online and just put it in and it all come up,

Helen: 11:33

and it answered lots of my questions. It was

Suzanne: 11:33

really good. Another one I did was autism, um, and self- Um, doing the therapy, therapy one. In the middle of that one now. Quite long one. But yeah, I've, I've loved the training. I've loved how it just type in any form note. It's really good.

Helen: 12:00

I think, Suzanne, that can be something that can sound quite daunting to some people who are thinking about foster caring, that they might have children come to live with them who've had very difficult prior experiences and have unfortunately experienced abuse. But do you feel that you've been equipped to deal with that?

Suzanne: 12:21

I was scared. When I got told what these kids had been through, I was like, "I don't know whether I can do this. I don't know whether I can do it." Like, but they were like,"You, you've got such good, like, people around you." I've obviously got my social worker who's absolutely excellent, but there's everybody in the office as well, so if he's off, I know I can just phone anybody in that office and they help me. And then we've also got, like, other carers if I just need a bit of advice. So, like, in a year, I've so many carers and, like, other people who are in, in the s- same situation that can help you. It's really, it's really good. It's like a little family. Y'all know each other, "How's

Helen: 13:06

it going?" Lovely.

Suzanne: 13:08

Yeah.

Helen: 13:08

Yeah. That's brilliant. And what would you say it is deep down, Suzanne, that keeps you going? What, what is it that motivates you?

Suzanne: 13:17

Oh, I just, I like having a nice job that I feel like I'm doing something good. Um, I don't know what else. It's, uh, really- There's so many kids that need a home, and it's heartbreaking. Really is.

Helen: 13:39

And of course, because of that, we do need more, more foster carers. So how, how would you encourage people to, to consider it? Yeah, it's hard, isn't it? It's… Well, it's like the spare room, a bit of love, a lot of love actually, and a lot of time, just-

Suzanne: 14:02

I think anybody who likes kids and wants to do well by children would be absolutely brilliant at this job. Really good, like. I think with our co- the company I work for, 'cause yeah, we've got such a good network. I think we're going out for afternoon tea next week.

Helen: 14:21

Nice.

Suzanne: 14:24

So that's nice. We go on walks. Um, we took all the kids to Ninja Warrior the other week, and the kids love getting together as well because when they're in the same situation and we're all chatting, or all the carers and the social workers are there and it is, it's a lovely network. I've got a friend that works for the council and she doesn't have any of that, and I'm like, "Oh, do youse meet together?" And like, "No. Anyone else in the, in the area?" What's really, really nice. And I said, "Oh." And I said, "Come off with us." I remember going, "We're going for afternoon tea." "Ninja Warrior. Or we go out, go all over." We even just have beach days and stuff like that in the summer. It's lovely.

Helen: 15:13

Amazing.

Suzanne: 15:14

Even just get, just phoning somebody or just texting somebody, it means the world of difference, especially when they're in the same situation. Because y- your friends who don't foster don't really understand fully.

Helen: 15:32

Yeah.

Suzanne: 15:32

I do have a friend that's a teacher and she's got, like," Helen: Oh my God, what would you do in this situation?" Yeah. I'm like, "Right. Take his phone off him or do this or do that." Yeah.

Helen: 15:46

But yeah. Oh, well, Suzanne, it's been really, really lovely to chat to you today. Thank you so much for joining us. And then just to finish off, really, you know, you said before that you do see it as a job, but a job that means an awful lot to you. I mean, I imagine you'd say it's the best job you've ever had.

Suzanne: 16:04

Definitely. It is. I, I feel like I've found my calling. I know that sounds really stupid. Not at all. But it's lovely. It is such a nice job to do, and I love it.

Helen: 16:17

Wonderful. Thank you so much, Suzanne. Take care.

Suzanne: 16:20

Thank you. Bye.

Helen: 16:23

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering Group, and make this the year you foster.