Simon - Paying It Forward, an 11-Year Fostering Journey

In this episode of Voices of Fostering, Helen sits down with Simon — a foster carer of 11 years — to hear his remarkable story of turning personal experience into a life's purpose.

Simon opens up about growing up in a turbulent household and moving in with his aunt and uncle as a child, and how that experience inspired him to give back to children who need the same stability he once received. Alongside his husband, Simon has been fostering for over a decade — and the very first person in their care, a teenager who had been through 11 carers in 10 years, is still with them today.

In this episode, Simon shares:
🏠 What drew him and his husband to fostering as a same-sex couple
📋 How he found the assessment process and what to expect at panel
💪 The ups, downs, and resilience required on a long-term fostering journey
⚖️ How they balance fostering with maintaining their own careers
🤝 The importance of community, support groups, and stayover care
❤️ Why he believes fostering is his life's mission — and why he can't imagine stopping

Whether you're curious about fostering, just starting your journey, or already part of the fostering community, Simon's story is a powerful reminder that the right home can change a young person's life forever.

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk

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Transcript

Helen: 0:00

Hello, and welcome to another episode of Voices of Fostering Today I'm delighted to be joined by one of our lovely foster carers, uh, Simon hello, Simon.

Simon: 0:12

Hi. How you doing?

Helen: 0:13

Hi. I am good. Yeah. Thank you so much for joining us today. Um, and you've been a foster carer for 11 years, is that right? With your husband? Tell us about what, what led you to it Cast your mind back to 11 years ago or, or even further. Um, what was it that led you to fostering?

Simon: 0:32

I mean, childcare's always been important to me. I studied it when I was 18, though it was always a passion. And I suppose obviously starting to date, we knew that having children naturally wasn't gonna work for us. So, you know, we look, thought about options in terms of we knew childcare was important, um, and therefore it was just something that we really wanted to involved in. I think I look back to my childhood. Um, my mum struggled to raise me, so when I got to about maybe 11, 12. I moved in with my auntie and uncle and they gave me a great life and it, it's kind of a way to pay it forward, I suppose. You know, it just sort of goes back to I was cared for and it's sort of a turbulent time and being able to support. During this sort of transitional times as well and any challenges that they're facing. It's something that's always kind of appealed to me. Really.

Helen: 1:27

Yeah. So you had firsthand experience, didn't you, of an upbringing that maybe is a little unconventional. So really it was, it was in within you that you wanted to help others.

Simon: 1:41

Absolutely. Yeah. And that's something that, you know, we've really enjoyed. It's been fantastic. Really one of the best things. I will ever do in life is just to help and create good memories. You know, you see some of the challenges that they've been through and it kind of presents with them on the day to day, but to be able to help them navigate through that and to build positive memories and connection is something that just really inspires us every.

Helen: 2:07

And as she said, Simon, as the same sex couple. You know, you do have to think more about starting your family, don't you? It's not something that's, that's going to, you know, happen as a surprise. Um, so you do have to think about your options and there are other options. There's lots of options available to same sex couples. Now what was it about fostering that, that that most appealed to you? Both.

Simon: 2:30

I think it was that background that I'd had, you know, that time where, you know, although I didn't go into care, into, you know, the. And it was kind of seen sort of what life was like before. And sort of with birth family and, and with parents and that, you know, at times were challenging for me growing up and then sort of going into sort of a home where, you know, you were support and you were cared provided for, and that to me was Foster what drew me to fostering because, you know, knowing that that's what these children are often going through, they've either, you know, come straight into your care and you are able to support'em at that initial first, uh, part. They've had placements that have not quite fit for them, and therefore you're able to help them during a time of loss and change. For me, that was the part that really, um, inspired me.

Helen: 3:23

So tell us about yours and your husband's fostering journey then 11 years now. Um, tell us about, firstly, your, your assessment process. How did you both find that?

Simon: 3:33

Oh, the assessment process. For me, I have nothing to hide. I'm quite an open book, so I didn't find it daunting in any way. I was quite happy coming in, share some of the challenges and successes kind of led me to who I am today and so, you know, if anything, I'm proud of that history and so it was nice to be able to share. Of course you have to kind of discuss some of the more difficult things, so you've just got to be prepared. But for me it was just about being open and honest. I find nothing to hide really. Um, so that went smoothly. Um, I think when we first went to panel, we wasn't initially approved. Actually, there was some paperwork issue going on. Nothing that we'd done as applicants. But you know, that didn't derail us. We went back, we continued on that journey, just as strong as we ever were. And obviously it was disheartening at first to not going in thinking you'll be approved and that not happening, but. You know, if anything, having that resilience is important during fostering, you know, you've got to have resilience for looking after these children. So for me, going back to me and getting um, you know, approved, it didn't matter how long it took, we knew it was the journey we were made.

Helen: 4:48

Yeah, and I think you, you touched on there about, you know, difficult things that you have to talk about in your assessment, things that might have happened in your life, obstacles that you've overcome. I think sometimes people can be a little bit worried about that, but that is definitely all stuff that can be dealt with, isn't it? And, and sometimes people say it's quite a therapeutic process, isn't it?

Simon: 5:10

Absolutely. You just sharing in sort of some of your past relationships and talking about kind of how you were raised as a child. And you'd learn from that. So even if you weren't, you know, brought up in the most nurturing environment, that doesn't mean that you, you know, can't still foster and give another child a nurturing environment. If you can learn from what you experienced, then you can sort of think about what good practice means to you and how you can support, uh, the younger generations.

Helen: 5:40

And you said there, you had some difficulties with your assessment with paperwork and stuff like that, but when that was all sorted out, um, can you remember your panel day and when you were finally approved? How did that feel?

Simon: 5:53

Absolutely. Uh, panel day was great. They had questions when we were there, you know, and you know, mostly around why we were interested in doing it. We thought we could bring alot to children's lives. And also obviously about our relationships and things like that, but mostly it felt at ease. And then getting the approval. It's just fantastic being able to share that with your friends and family and the people who care about you. It's really just a day of celebration and sort of, you know, uh, that sort of excitement of sort of your first placement and heading towards, you know, supporting young minds.

Helen: 6:31

Yeah. And now my next question is, when did you have your first child or young person come and live with you? Now I get all different answers to this. Sometimes it's like later that day somebody came and lived with us. Sometimes it's about a month later. What, what was it like for you guys? I

Simon: 6:49

Don't think we waited too long before we started getting referrals. Um, I've always been the kind of person where it's important to find the right map. So that's the best advice I'd give to anyone is, you know, go with what feels right for you. Have lots of questions ready, and, and feel free to say, oh, this doesn't quite feel right. If that's the case. But for us, we didn't wait long. Couple weeks and we'd had some referrals where it didn't quite fit. Right. Yeah. And for what we thought we were looking for. Um, and then ultimately it kind of did, the one thing we did was we cast the net wide. So, you know, we said any ages, any genders. Anything like that didn't matter to us. Um, but secretly we were kind of looking at the younger age. I think that's quite normal. Um, ironically, we ended up getting a, a teen and he's been with us for 11 years now. So, you know, although we felt a bit unconfident having a teen, actually our skills just matched up really well and that young person before us, he had had sort of 11 carers in 10 years. Family life wasn't really working out for him. So to kind of be the last.

Helen: 7:58

Yeah.

Simon: 7:58

Family life and to having it be so successful and instill with us into adulthood. Um, it just kind of shows that actually sometimes your preconceptions can sort of, um. They're not necessarily what, what you think it's going to be. So, you know, I'm really pleased to have experienced,

Helen: 8:16

yeah. So he'd had quite a difficult time, hadn't he? As you said, he'd had, um, 11 carers in 10 years. What was it that you think was different when he came to live with you and your husband?

Simon: 8:29

I think obviously we're a different style of family home, I suppose, and a lot of masculine energy in the home. So I think that kind of helped. I also think we kind of met him at the right age, you know, at the time he was 15 and he very much wanted to be ma mature and to be seen as that perhaps, you know, he'd not been seen as that before. And it was that sort of blank slate of actually you can be who you wanna be and we can help you get there. Could see the steps that he wanted to build towards independence and new kind of ways that we could help him explore that. I think that's what really helped. We just met him at the right age, at the right mentality where we were able to kind of learn and grow together.

Helen: 9:12

Yeah. Um, and I imagine that maybe wasn't a, a linear journey. There were maybe some ups and downs on that journey. How, how did you get through it?

Simon: 9:22

Absolutely. I mean, what I would say is we sort a range. So there were times where, you know, he would, as a 16-year-old express himself like he would, which was unexpected. You know, we at that point didn't have much experience. And, and of course we just met it with non-judgment really, but. We would've moments like that and then we would've moments where we'd just see sort of and strive towards sort of, you know, developing in education, developing essentially into sort of workplace and things like that. So it's been a great journey, but absolutely there were those really trying times where there were moments where you thought. We do this, but it's just important to know that you're not alone. You've got support all from your family, your friends. You build connections within the fostering community. So this is really important to learn from your experiences as well as all the training that's provided. And regular sort of meetings with social workers makes a real difference. Building those connections with professionals and going, as the team really, even though you're at the front line on the day to day, very much teamwork.

Helen: 10:30

Yeah. And you talked there about, you know, the community that you build. You really are, you know, a big part of the fostering community, aren't you? You do a lot of sort of outreach work. So tell us a little bit about that. How are you involved?

Simon: 10:45

Um, I mean there's been various things that we've done. For example, we did um, some pride events. We did events like MacMillan coffee mornings for the company, uh, and obviously for prospective new carers as well as existing carers. And we go to sort of support group meetings and they do sort of a meal evening one. So even sort of people who are working, you can attend evening support as well. So to me that's always been important. In fact, before we were approved, we started attending those meetings just so we could gain from others' experiences, even to date. Now it's, I'm saying it's about learning from those who have gone through challenges, gone through success. And sort of, um, helping each other along the way. Really, it's been a really important part of our journey.

Helen: 11:36

Yeah. And you say you do Pride events, so what do you do at Pride Events? Simon? Just like set up a stall and people come and chat to you, you know, what sort of conversations do you have?

Simon: 11:45

Yeah. That kind of thing. Really. People who are sort of, you know, looking at it as an option for them if they're interested, perhaps even nervous. You know, it's not necessarily about pride. It can be any sort of community event really, but it just gives people an opportunity to kind of questions get behind sort of the truth of what. It's like on the day to day. So that's why it's so important for carers to be there and to represent and sort of what fostering is, you know, because then it's just authentic and it's real.

Helen: 12:14

So we talked earlier, Simon, about, um, you know, different paths to, to starting a family, basically to having children and young people in your lives. I suppose I wanna ask, you know, there are lots of different options that, that people can, can take, but does being a foster carer, do you feel like a family?

Simon: 12:38

Absolutely. Um, it kind of almost feels like an extended family because of course you're working with birth family as well and other carers. So you know, if a young person has moved into your care, a young person may still be in contact with their old carers, and sometimes that might not be healthy and it might not be for them. Sometimes it is. So you start developing those connections and often the children will come with siblings. Sometimes they may live with other carers as well. So you just start kind of building those connections with others. And to me that's something that's, you know, really important. Um, it's good for the young person to know that you're kind of working as a team, I suppose. Um, but it, it, it kind of allows you to feel like family really, because you get to have all the experiences as any family would, you know, sort of the homeworks and the tea times and going to the seaside and things like that. Supporting kind of education. Um, but at the same time it's just be mindful that, you know, you're part of a family as well and sort of being able to develop those connections with others is important for the young person and for yourselves really.

Helen: 13:50

Yeah. And can I just ask about the dynamic with you and your husband? Because quite often one person is the main carer and the other person maybe still has a career, you know, how does it work with you and your husband?

Simon: 14:03

For ourselves. We've both maintained careers really, and so that's always been important for myself and for my partner to kind of have that something away from fostering for example I work part time my partner works in a school. So term times. So, you know, my partner can do sort of the school holidays, I can do the school drop offs and pickups. Uh, and that's how we kind of balance it. But I'd like to have something away from fostering that still kind of feels mine. Uh. You know, and it's sort of, it's been really important to me to still be able to have something, again, more community based where, you know, this is sort of my career and, and something that's important to me. But I also think, um, you know, having sort of the older teens, I think it's good role modeling for them. You know, it's not for everyone. And some people just wanna foster, and that's great for them, but for me because we've had some of the older kids, it's great for them to kind of see that we choose to work, we want to work, um, and have our own careers, and then it kind of helps us help them up on their career path. You know, understanding kind of how to interview what kind of careers are out there. But in recruitment, you know, for the majority of my life. So, you know, that's a really good stepping stone for the older teens to kind of do practice interviews and to understand what career opportunities are open to them. And 'cause sometimes in school you're not always aware, you know, what opportunities are out there. It's kind of been good for the kids to have kind of recruitment support there when the time comes for them.

Helen: 15:34

Yeah, I think it's important, isn't it, for anybody watching or listening who's maybe thinking about fostering themselves and right at the beginning of that journey that it's not a one size fits all, is it? That everyone's life and their job and their priorities are all different, and you can really talk all that through with the team, can't you? And, and build a, a life that that fits you and your needs.

Simon: 16:01

Absolutely. And that's always been important to us. You know, we've been looking in that respect and there's been times where you think, oh, you know, shall I just, you know, and things like that. You know, recently I made sort of a change in February so that, you know, I. Um, but again, it's kind of having that support of your employers as well. Having those honest conversations around, you know, this is what I want to do with my life. This is why I want childcare. It's kind of the path. Kind of getting their support. I've been very blessed and lucky to have support. And equally it's great for them as well. You know, obviously working in recruitment, I've been able to kind of share some of those experiences with them and do kind of, um, podcasts and things in my work for our company as well.

Helen: 16:52

So, reflecting back on the, on the last 11 years of, of foster care in Simon, what would you say are, are some of the highlights for you? What are you most proud of?

Simon: 17:03

Um, I mean that young person who's been with us for 11 years, I can't think of anything more rewarding than kind of seeing his historic journey and being able to for future. I think that's probably gonna be the achievement of a life. Um, but also we've got, you know, with the young people in our care and, you know, kind of seeing some of the challenges that they could have had if they weren't living in a stable home. And you know, that to me there's sadness there. But also I feel really proud that we're able to give them a safe environment where they are cared for, they have good routines and just. Getting to that point where they've been with us a year now we're starting to see them grow, um, in confidence in sort of self-esteem and finding their way in the world. And for me, that's probably the biggest highlight.

Helen: 17:53

And what do you think the next decades could look like then, Simon? Can you imagine yourself and your husband doing this for many years to come?

Simon: 18:02

Absolutely. I think for me it's really important. It's a really important part of who I am and, and what I want to do in the world, really. But I can't imagine not fostering. We've done a lot of fostering as think it's worth as well. Supporting, you know, either parents who are maybe struggling or carers who just need a breather or you know, perhaps they have family stuff going on. And so that's been a big part of our journey as well. So when we've not been sort of short term or long term caring, we're not been respite carers. And to me that's something that I just wanted to add in there because you kind of see the bigger picture of how you're supporting kind of stability in placement and helping other people out. So, you know. To me, that's probably my life mission is I want to kind of help people, whether it's young minds or whether it's peers. Um, and I find it really rewarding, so I couldn't imagine not doing that. Really.

Helen: 19:00

Yeah.

Simon: 19:01

It's such an important part

Helen: 19:02

and I think being a respite for other carers as well is really helping to build that community that you talked about where you all look out for each other and help each other, don't you?

Simon: 19:14

Absolutely. And that's something that's really important because, you know, you can't go it alone because it is some of the biggest challenges you'll face in fostering, you know, there are difficult is as well. Um, being able to kind of get through those as a team, um, is what's encouraging is what keeps you going each day. And so that community feel is really important And yeah, we help each other out along the way.

Helen: 19:41

Oh, well it's been so lovely speaking to you today, Simon. Thank you so much for, for sharing your journey with us and, uh, best of luck with the future.

Simon: 19:51

Thank you so much.

Helen: 19:53

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering group and make this the year you foster.