Voices of Fostering

Tammy - How Two Girls Found Their Voice

• National Fostering Group • Season 5 • Episode 2

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In this episode of Voices of Fostering, Helen is joined by Tammy — a foster carer who turned a COVID lockdown lightbulb moment into a life-changing decision for two young sisters.

Four years on, Tammy shares the honest, heartwarming story of how she and her husband Matthew went from considering adoption to welcoming two long-term foster children into their home. From the nerves of that very first night, to watching a once-mute nine-year-old blossom into a confident, football-playing teenager working towards her black belt in karate — this episode is a powerful reminder of what's possible when children feel safe, loved, and seen.

In this episode, Tammy talks about:
🏡 Growing up with foster carer parents and what it taught her about compassion
🤝 Navigating the matching process and knowing when the fit feels right
🍕 The emotional reality of that first day — carrier bags, pizza, and tears held back
🌱 The incredible transformation she's witnessed in both girls over four years
💼 Why working full time is no barrier to fostering
💻 How one online event with the National Fostering Group started it all

💛 Whether you're curious about fostering or already on your journey, Tammy's story will leave you inspired.

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk

You can also follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Linkedin and YouTube

Helen:

Hello and welcome to another episode of Voices of Fostering, and today I am joined by Tammy. Hello, Tammy.

Tammy:

Hello.

Helen:

Hi. Thank you so much for joining us, Tammy. It's lovely to have you on the podcast. So I understand you've been fostering for four years. Um, does that feel like four years? Has it, has it gone by in a flash or how's it been?

Tammy:

It. Yeah. It really has gone in a flash so fast.

Helen:

But take us back four years or, or maybe more now. When you first thought about becoming a foster carer, what led you to it? Is it something that you've always thought about doing?

Tammy:

My parents foster carers.

Helen:

Wow. Okay.

Tammy:

Um, I left home. And finally my mom had a spare bedroom and she's like, well, let's foster. Um, so for five years she fostered, um, pre-adoption babies and small children, and I was her support worker.

Helen:

Right.

Tammy:

So I would go and help in emergencies and have days out with them and holidays and things. Yeah. So yeah, it kind of opened my eyes to realize how much of a child childhood I had was so great.

Helen:

Yeah.

Tammy:

Um, and how, what you see on TV and you hear all these stories, it's real life and it makes you. Appreciate how lucky you are and how you can open your arms and heart to children that are actually suffering and need your support.

Helen:

Yeah.

Tammy:

Um, I married my husband, um, Matthew, and we, we didn't have children. We couldn't, for some reason it just never happened and. I just wake up one day and had one of my affinity moments, which he says, just keeps them entertained every day. And I said to him, should we adopt? And he was just like, yeah, sure. And I said, better still. Let's foster. We can help so many more children that way.

Helen:

Yeah.

Tammy:

And he's just like. Let's just go with the flow and see what happens.

Helen:

Yeah. Well I was gonna say then, Tammy, you say, you know, should we adopt better Still Foster? Why was fostering a more appealing option for you?

Tammy:

I just feel that the children that come from my parents' house, they had all different backgrounds. Um, they respite, um, cared. They looked after certain children and respite. Um. They had pre-adoption children. Um, and then with them mixing with other foster carers, we learn other stories. So I just felt that we could help so many more people, so many more children, um, so many more families that needed support. Um. I just thought you could help more people doing it that way.

Helen:

Yeah. And do you feel like it was that early experience of, of supporting your mom that led you to this? Do, do you think you would've thought about fostering if it wasn't for that?

Tammy:

I think in time had seen adverts and things. I, I would generally think that we probably would still be fostering regardless. Um. But yeah, no, definitely. I'm a bit of a softie when it comes to helping people.

Helen:

So after you'd had this sort of light bulb moment then where you decided, right, this is what we're gonna do, we're gonna foster, what happened then? Did you get in touch with an agency straight away? Did you hit the ground running or did it take a bit longer?

Tammy:

I think I'd already preempted what I wanted to do. COVID, I was on furlough, so I had plenty of time on my hands to Google search and look into things. Um, and then three months later, the light bulb moment, and I looked at my notes from my Google searches and contacted, um, the NFA, um, that was in the late August, early September. Uh, we had. A meeting with the team online, they accepted us. Um, by December we'd had all of our interviews, our medicals, our CRB checks and everything was lined up ready for us to go to panel in early January. It was a whirlwind and I think it's probably best placed that way. Um. You know, it's a very rigorous, um, a very rigorous process. Interviews,

Helen:

yeah.

Tammy:

Yeah. Process. Um, it's very long, very personal. Um, but I get it. You're looking after somebody else's children.

Helen:

Yeah.

Tammy:

Um, you have to be checked out in this way and. And so we, here we are.

Helen:

Yeah,

Tammy:

we went to panel. Um, my husband then went off skiing for a week, left me at home and literally call upon, call upon call from the agency, um, offering us children.

Helen:

Yeah,

Tammy:

so that was a hard thing, was listening to the stories. Weighing up the pros and cons, not just for us, but for the children and understanding would they fit in with our family? Would our family fit in with them? And. Yeah, we just started that process.

Helen:

Yeah. So you are quite passionate, aren't you, Tammy, about making sure that a child or children or young people that come to live with you are the right fit for you and that you are the right fit for them. And obviously there isn't a matching process, but you have a say in that as well, don't you? Can you tell us how that sort of works?

Tammy:

Yeah, so. The agency referrers would call us with a suggestion on we'd be a good fit for HR or a sibling group, and we'd hear the whole background story. We then discuss with our social worker, and then we see the pros and cons for both us and the child if it would be a perfect fit. Nothing's ever perfect.

Helen:

Mm-hmm.

Tammy:

And with these children, all sorts of things come out of the woodwork later on in life. And there are some very, very sad stories out there, and there are some very happy stories there out there. Um, so yeah, we, we made our decision with our two children and they are still here four years later. Yeah. And they are long-term matched with us, so they will stay with us till they're 18 years old.

Helen:

So yeah. You've got two long-term, um, sisters, siblings that are living with you and can you remember when, you know, you found out about them and you found out about their story, what was it about them that made you think, you know, we are a right match for each other?

Tammy:

I think. Because they're two of a larger family and they needed the quiet, um, the one-to-one, one of the children was mute. She didn't talk to anybody. The whole family spoke for her, including our older sister that come to us. They were only 18 months apart in age. So it made life a little bit easier for entertaining each other, having similar backgrounds. So I thought, um, we had two bedrooms, so they had a room with their own, which I feel is quite important to have their own space as well. And it was just a story. Of their background and what they've been through and just their hobbies and because they were quite local to us, so school wasn't too far, so I didn't have to drive for an hour to drop them off in the morning. I didn't have to put them in after school clubs or anything like that if they didn't want to go and it was a route to work. It just happens. It was on the route. Route to work as well. So it just was a perfect fit, really. Yeah. For everybody.

Helen:

Yeah. And can you remember how it was when they first came to live with you, Tammy? What, what was that first day like?

Tammy:

Um, very nerve wracking.

Helen:

Yeah. Um,

Tammy:

standing understanding what they must be going through. They were at school, their social worker went to their current carer's house and collected all of their stuff and she was gonna pick the girls up on the way home, back around, but they had so much stuff, but it was all in carrier bags and black bags still. So she, she said, I need to just. Dump the stuff, run, go and get the girls and come back. And I was like, yeah, that's fine. And when we saw the girls come out the car, I was just like trying to hold my tears back 'cause they were just diddy little things. Um, they just were a little bit rough around the sides. Their clothes not quite fitting them properly. They had slab. Solemn faces, which just absolutely broke my heart because I didn't want them to feel scared. I didn't want them to feel lonely. Um, and I really needed them to feel safe and happy. Um, and they came in and we were introduced. We took them up to the two bedrooms and they picked which bedroom they want. The oldest one still says she didn't have a choice. Um, but she's, um, she gets to choose. She got a, a new bed and decorated bedroom when she turned 13. Um, but the deal breaker was pizza. Pizza for dinner.

Helen:

Yeah.

Tammy:

Um, so they had the pizza and we had ice cream. It's just simple. Just, yeah. Keep it simple. Um, then I remember going to the shops a few days before and buying little baskets and putting 'em on their beds with like a little teddy bear.

Helen:

Yeah.

Tammy:

Some deodorant, a hair brush, hair bands. Yeah. Just a few girly bits. And that night we put them to bed and I, I said to my husband, I was like. I don't need to shower or bath. Let's just clean their teeth, put'em to bed quietly, and they settled. And literally that was the longest night in my life.

Helen:

Yeah.

Tammy:

Sitting there waiting for these two little girls panicking that they were gonna wake up and they were nine and nine and 10. So I was panicking. I was left a toilet light on all night full. Um, and in the morning I had to come and get them 'cause they were too scared to come outta their bedroom. So we had breakfast, we looked through all of their clothes and belongings. Um, they didn't have shoe laces in their shoes for school. Um, they had four school shirts between them. Not a waterproof coat, each, just the basics. So literally. I've done the big supermarket sweep and the pajamas and bits and bobs for school, um, new school shoes, and they look like different children going to school Monday. And even the teachers phoned and said, oh my God, these girls have got big smiles on their faces. Oh, they look happy. Just the change in their, their appearance and their DeMar. They just. Saw the change in them literally within 48 hours.

Helen:

Yeah. And when you'd sort of, you know, the dust had settled tummy and you took a moment to maybe stop and think about what had happened over the last couple of days, how did you feel?

Tammy:

I sat there at work, um,'cause I work full time and I was on working from home this day. I just looked at my computer and I was like, what am I doing? Am I doing the right thing? What have I what? What have I let myself in for? What am I doing? Should I be working full time? Should I be a hundred percent with these girls? But they're at school? Yeah. So it's just a whirlwind of things going through your head, and then within the week. We just got a mojo and we just plotted along. Got into a routine and then I said, right, what after school clubs do you dinner? Do you wanna do football, karate, do whatever you want. I wanna do gardening, club, and karate. Oh. And I was like, okay. Fine. Um, one of them still does karate now.

Helen:

Wow.

Tammy:

She's working towards a black belt four years later, so she absolutely loves it. And it's still the same sensei that went to their school.

Helen:

Oh, wow.

Tammy:

So he's kind of bonded with her as well and helped support her. The youngest one was football. She went to football club and now she's a goalie for her, the local team. And literally these clubs are just escalated.

Helen:

Yeah, oh,

Tammy:

definitely. And all the different activities.

Helen:

Yeah. So yeah, four years on Tammy, you know, they were nine and 10, they're now teenagers. What sort of difference have you seen in them, both in, in themselves, you know, how have they grown and developed?

Tammy:

So the youngest one was mute when she come to us. She didn't speak. Her sister spoke for her. She wouldn't speak to her teachers. She was very withdrawn and she was obese. Now she sings dances, talks at me in the car on the way home from school. Literally, it's like tells me the whole day from when I dropped her off at school to the last argument the girls had on a playground. And she's just blossomed into a young woman who plays football and is a goalie, and she's just flourished. The eldest one, she's the same. She has come from this quiet little meek girl into this teenage, opinionated, hormonal, um. Questions me, but in a nice way.

Helen:

Yeah.

Tammy:

Um, you know, we have our fun, they like singing like it's like a karaoke in the car and my husband literally just turns the radio off at some point. He's like, right. Silence. Um, it is a mad house. They part of the furniture they have. Traveled on many holidays with us. We go to France once a year to see friends. We have been to New Yorker, we've been to Turkey, Greece. Last year we'd done the big holiday to Toronto.

Helen:

Oh wow.

Tammy:

And stayed with friends. Three hours north of Toronto by the lakes and the girls just love it.

Helen:

Brilliant. It sounds like they're doing so well, Tammy, and you must be so proud of them, but you must feel so proud of yourselves as well of what you've achieved.

Tammy:

It's very heartwarming. We. We have obviously photos of them and they're all on my phone holding my storage up. Um, but they flash, the photos flash past and ev this little photo comes up with their first day at school with us at their first school that they, before they left, and one of them had cut a fringe in their hair and their clothes were a little bit tight for them. We do it against a lamp that we have in the lounge, and they were down here.

Helen:

Mm-hmm.

Tammy:

And now they're cooler than the lamp. And every year they're like, do we really have to have this picture?

Helen:

And

Tammy:

I'm like, yes, we do. Um, but looking at them and the difference, it's so heartwarming. I didn't believe the youngest would ever talk. I was petrified that we would have to have a lot of therapy, but she had her play therapy and she's grown and when she talks to my her husband at dinner table. My husband's like, who gave you this voice? And she's like, you both did. Um, so it's, it's, it's very endearing to listen to them.

Helen:

Yeah. And how does that feel, Tammy, to hear her say that

Tammy:

I'm proud, but I'm proud of them as well for taking on board everything that's been given to them. They never throw it in your face. They appreciate everything you do. They're very kind, caring young ladies. Um, to the point that the eldest one has been given a letter by her head of year last week because she felt sorry for one of the girls at school who was crying and they're year 10 girls, and she felt sorry because this girl had started their, their school, she had no friends. She went up to the teacher and said, I'm going to take her and I'm gonna introduce her to my friends. And I said, why are you gonna do that? Because I was sad one day at school and I had no friends my, in my middle school, and I feel bad for her. Um, I think it's just something that we've taught them.

Helen:

Yeah. That kindness and compassion for others. Yeah.

Tammy:

And like I say to her and her sister is like, you didn't choose to put yourself in this position. It's not your fault, but embrace life and let us walk forward.

Helen:

Yeah. Oh, Tammy, it's wonderful to hear that they're having such a positive experience with you. So, to, to go back towards the start of your story, you said that, you know, it was during COVID ID you came to one of the national fostering groups online events, didn't you? Um, I think that was. Potentially hosted by me. I think so it is amazing to think that, you know, your journey started with one of our events and now you're, you're four years in. Um, if there was anyone watch, watching or listening who was, you know, thinking about coming to one of our online events or one of our in-person events, you know, how, how would you encourage them to do it? Because it, it really can be a massive success, can't it?

Tammy:

It really can. I mean, do it. You can only ask the questions, right? You can only talk to people.

Helen:

Yeah.

Tammy:

It doesn't mean you're signing up for anything. Um, you can work full time.

Helen:

Yeah.

Tammy:

You can rent a house.

Helen:

Yeah.

Tammy:

Um, the options are, are more available for people to become foster carers. Um, and there's so many children out there and there's a massive increase. With the children coming into care. Um, I just wish I had more bedrooms.

Helen:

Yeah. Yeah.

Tammy:

My husband probably not,

Helen:

but yeah. You really wanna encourage others, don't you? To, to get in touch to find out more and, and you know, you never know what journey you could be embarking on.

Tammy:

No. Every day's a school day you learn something new. I've learned so much from having these girls with us. It is definitely an eyeopener and they help me as well understand life and appreciate it more as well.

Helen:

Oh, well, Tammy, it's been so wonderful to speak to you today. I'm just so, so pleased that you're having such a positive experience and best of luck with the future.

Tammy:

Thank you.

Helen:

Thank you so much, Tammy. Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering Group and make this the year you foster.