Voices of Fostering

Carole and John - Finding Each Other, Fostering Together

• National Fostering Group • Season 4 • Episode 36

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Meet Carol and John, a remarkable foster care couple who've dedicated 15 years to transforming young lives—and at 75, they're still going strong.

After finding each other through shared dreams of fostering, this dynamic duo has welcomed dozens of children into their home. Carol, a retired nurse, brings empathy and structure, while John offers warmth and heart—the perfect balance for vulnerable young people.

In this episode, they share their greatest achievement: advocating for a pregnant 15-year-old when authorities planned to take her baby at birth. Their unwavering support helped her keep her son, who's now nearly six.

From full-time placements to providing crucial respite for over 20 children last year, Carol and John prove that fostering enriches lives at any age. Their advice? Just give it a try.

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk

You can also follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Linkedin and YouTube

Helen:

Hello and welcome to this episode of Voices of Fostering, and today I'm delighted to be joined by two of our lovely foster carers, Carol and John. Hello, Carol and John, welcome to the podcast.

Carole:

Hi. Thank you. Hi. Hi.

Helen:

Oh, thank you so much for joining us guys. So you've both been fostering since 2011, so by my mathematics, that's 15 years now. That's quite a long time, isn't it? Yeah. So. Tell us, I'll start with you, um, with you, John. Tell us what, what led you to fostering back in 2011?

John:

Well, it goes further back than that. Um, I discovered in my thirties that my father himself had been fostered as a child. So the, um, the thought of that remained with me. But, um, uh, we were not compatible. Um, to, to foster, because this is our second marriage and my first marriage, the, um, individual, uh, she didn't want to know about anybody else's, uh, children. So that was an no-no. But, um, as time went on, I met the perfect woman in my life, Carol. And, um, we have this in common. She says, oh, I've always wanted to foster. Um, it came up actually on a, on a. A radio show about, uh, asking people would there be interesting fostering. And, uh, I took a note of the, the details and sent off for the, uh, the brochures and so forth. And that, uh, it was very informative. Um, there was even A-A-D-V-D with a, a lady on it and she was giving her her, uh, you know, uh, account of what it is like to foster and, um, above all other things. You must understand what, what the child has been through, you've got to be where the child is. And we found that absolutely fascinating. Um, so we were drawn towards that. Um, Carol and I, uh, we were both in agreement to it. Um, yeah, although the introduction to fostering took a little bit longer because of the circumstances of second marriage, and of course. Um, you have to look into the background of things and, and find out reasons why, you know, uh, things have, have happened the way they have. But, um, it's all, it's all been a very good outcome for Carol and I.

Helen:

Yeah.

John:

Yeah. Um,

Helen:

and yeah, as you say, John, it's so important in a relationship, isn't it, to have shared values and morals. So Carol, John explained there, you know, you both realized that you had the same aim. This. The same things that you wanted to do in life and the same things that were important to you. So how did that feel when you realized you had that common ground?

Carole & John:

Oh, it would, it was lovely. It really was lovely to actually meet somebody, um, that felt the same way as I did, because I'd, I'd been down that road, you know, my first marriage had ended. My first husband just didn't want to know, so I couldn't pursue it because of course, if you're going to foster and you're with a partner, that partner has got to want to foster us again, as, as well. You can't do it on your own If you've got another, you know, person in the house with you, they've both got to want to foster. So it was it, it was lovely. It took us quite a while to get through the. The panel because of, as John said, our circumstances and I mean everything was looked into, but which we understand, you know, we understand that you've got to sort of, um, look into everything, you know, because you don't want the child going. Into somewhere where things aren't any better than where they've, they've actually come from. You know,

John:

last thing you want is conflict.

Carole & John:

Yeah.

John:

Yeah. So,

Carole & John:

so it took a little while, but we got there with it. Yeah.

Helen:

And of course that is something that has to be looked into. Um. People who've had previous relationships, previous marriages, John, I think that's something that people sometimes worry about. What, what would you say to anybody that maybe is worried about that, you know, oh, I have had past marriages and breakdowns of relationships. You know, is, is that gonna paint me in a bad light? What? What would you say to anybody worried about that?

John:

Well, my personal circumstances, um. I felt confident that, um, everything would be looked into and only right, rightfully so. But, um, the only, the only downside to it is that it opens a lot of doors that you've closed in your past, and these doors have got to be opened to reveal the, um, the circumstances that occurred, uh, o of the actual, the actual, um, parting of the two. And, um, emotionally it is a little bit of a rollercoaster. But you get stronger for it at the end of the day.'cause you say to yourself, well, gosh, I've been through all that in my past. And, um, I thought that was the end of the world when the marriage crashed. Um, but then life goes on and as it was explained to me, you'll, you'll meet somebody very, very special in your life. So, uh, that actually happened. I've got Carol here and, and, and we work as a team, um, mostly, um. I look to her for a lot of advice because she's a retired nurse, so she's got all the The health benefits. All the knowledge of the health benefits. Uh,

Helen:

yeah, yeah, yeah. I was gonna touch on that.'cause of course, Carol, you were a nurse before you became a foster carer. So how have you felt that that nurse prepared you for what you're doing now? You know, is there some transferrable skills there?

Carole & John:

Um, I think empathy. Because as a nurse you've got to have empathy. Um, during my time I did nearly 50 years, um, as a nurse, I met lots of people, you know, children. I looked after children, lots of, uh, lots of different people, um, you know, that I had to deal with and all that. So I felt as though I'd got. That, that I could, that, that I could use, you know, I'd got really sort of good communication skills, could talk to people and everything. And like I say, empathy, you know, I think plus, um, out of our relationship when we have children, I'm the sort of like more of the disciplinarian, whereas John's the silly one. You've always gotta have that mixture, haven't you? Yeah, and I think mine, that probably comes from me being a nurse. Yeah, because I had to be disciplined, you know, throughout my career and things.

Helen:

Yeah, yeah. So, John, as, as we've learned now, you know, it didn't just start in 2011, it was a real run up to that, wasn't it? Uh, building up to you, you finally both coming together and deciding that fostering was what you ultimately wanted to do. So can you remember that the first child or young person that came to live with you, what was that like?

Carole & John:

W well first of all, we started off doing what they call, um, stopovers.

Helen:

Yeah.

Carole & John:

Um, we didn't go straight into full-time, um, fostering, did we? Yeah, yeah.

John:

Testing the waters.

Carole & John:

Yeah. Sort of testing the waters. Um, I think the first one that we had was, was Jess, wasn't it? Yes.

John:

Yes.

Carole & John:

A young, a young lady that we used to have, we used to have her once a month.

John:

Yeah.

Carole & John:

For the weekend. And it was lovely.

John:

Yeah. Yeah. Um,

Carole & John:

we had a, a little boy, didn't we? That was quite a troubled little boy, so that was quite an eyeopener. But we worked our way through, through, through that with him. We used to just have him about once a month, didn't we?

John:

Yeah. It was, it was something that came to my mind about when we were told Harrington, I said, well, uh, therapeutic Harrington and thought, well, we've had a family of our own and we know how to bring children up. And, um, it's a different kettle of fish when you're dealing with children that have had problems or issues or coming from a background where, where the family is, um, disorientated and, uh, well we've had a few in the past and, uh, it's quite, it's quite interesting to, to know how the child themselves have kind of survived really in until such times where they've came into care. Yeah. Um. I dunno what else to say about that other than, uh, Jess. We treated just, just like a, a daughter. Um, she could be very attached to us. Um, our own daughter started uni, so we, we popped her in the car and said, we're going up to to see Amy who was up in Sheffield. And, um, she experienced what it was like for, to, to be in the, um, the co place where they sleep. I mean, um. Well, it's accommodation form. Yeah,

Carole & John:

accommodation,

John:

yeah. House of Residents. House of,

Carole & John:

yeah. She, um, yeah, so, so what actually happened? We've jumped a little bit there. I know we, because, um, from having. Jess as, um, respite. Um, then her foster carer decided that she was going to change to, um, local authority fostering. So Jess couldn't go with her to that. She had to stay, you know, with who we were with. So we got the opportunity to have Jess full time. So when we were doing respite, we were both still working, but then what ha actually happened was John gave up his job.

John:

Mm-hmm.

Carole & John:

I carried on nursing, but I was just doing 20 hours a week.'cause I'd gradually, I was coming towards the end of me leaving, you know, I'd got my pension and things and, um. And so Jess came to live with us full time, but she really bonded with my daughter. There wasn't that much difference in age.

John:

Mm-hmm.

Carole & John:

You know, with them. And she sort of really looked up to, um, to Amy and we just lived with us for five years. Yeah.

Helen:

Oh, wow. And of course now you've had so many children and young people come to live with you. Yes. What, what would you say is one of your biggest achievements? Is there anything that stands out?

Carole & John:

Yeah,

John:

yeah. A little soul that used to sit on the staircase, which is slightly to our left here. And it's funny about this staircase when the children sit there. We've noticed that the, they

Carole & John:

open up, they open up,

John:

they start talking about their problems.

Carole & John:

Yeah.

John:

But that it's to do with eye level.

Carole & John:

Yeah,

John:

perhaps, but I'm

Carole & John:

feeling safe. So, so we, we moved, we moved down to Somerset from Northamptonshire and uh, we got this 15-year-old. We picked her up from Bristol Hospital and Children's Hospital. She was 15 and pregnant. Yeah. And we saw all the way through her pregnancy. Um, I ended up being her birth partner.

John:

Wow.

Carole & John:

It hadn't been planned, but I ended up being this kid's birth partner. Um, the understanding with the local authority was that they were gonna take this baby off.

John:

At birth. Yeah,

Carole & John:

at birth. And that they then expected us to keep this young girl with us while she was breaking her heart, you know, the baby being taken away. And we just didn't agree with this.

Helen:

No.

Carole & John:

We felt that we've got to know her. She, I mean, I've never known anything like this. She, she used to come with me to the library and pick children's fairy stories and things, and she used to read to this un Vaughn baby. Mm-hmm. We could hear a reading.

John:

We thought there was somebody else in the room with her, but she was, well there was, wasn't there really when you

Carole & John:

think, well, there was, it was her unborn child. Child. So, um, we thought that she needed to be given the chance to see if she could keep this child. But local authority had different ideas, so we actually were at loggerheads with them and what we had to do, which are supervising social. Yeah,

John:

I dunno about that.

Carole & John:

No,

John:

we, we wanted to do it.

Carole & John:

Yeah, we wanted to do it. So what actually happened was we handed notice in on her. Not because we didn't want her anymore, but, but we had to sort of try and change the way things were going so that they had to sort of think differently. So consequently, it did make a difference. Um. When she had her little boy as it was, she then moved into a mother and baby assessment unit. We still kept in contact with her and saw her. She did really well in that. Then went into a mother and child foster placement, and he's going to be six in September. She still got him

Helen:

amazing. And the, you know, that, that story just demonstrate, doesn't it, John and Carol, how important it is to advocate for children and young people when, as you say, you, you spent so much time with her, you knew her, you felt confident in her. You know, it's important to advocate for these children, isn't it?

Carole & John:

Yes. Because

John:

that's right.

Carole & John:

Yeah. They haven't got any, anybody else. And like you say, 'cause you're with them 24 7.

John:

Yeah.

Carole & John:

Um,

John:

you see the,

Carole & John:

the, yeah.

John:

If they took that decision, the local authority took that decision. And what they observed about the mother, the mother was, um, what can I say? A, a, a lady who liked to go on motorcycles and wore a jacket with, uh, obscene badges. Well, fair enough of the, that's what you want. Um, you live that sort of life, but she turned up at the school for, uh, the child's, um, um, educational plan wearing this, this, this jacket and so forth. So I can only assume that the LA thought that the daughter was gonna turn out like the mother, but it wasn't the case. No, because she sat on that staircase there pouring her heart out, and we eventually found out that she was really, really frightened from her mother. And that's when Carol started to tell her that. You're, you're an independent young person. You can make choices in your life and you, you can't be under this, this threat all the time. It's definitely not good for you or, or for your unborn baby. Uh, and so we, we, we told, we told the, uh, the la the guy, the guy was here in this very living room telling us what the plan was and what they were going to do. And that's when we said, this is. This is her safe place and you were beginning to say these things. You've got clear, she'd got clearly upset and, um, she went to her room. But we, we, we told them that was not the right thing to do to disclose that in, in, in this living room. Yeah. Because this is our, her home. Yeah. So that, that was a, that was a dark patch. Uh, but we, we got, we got over that. It went, it went really well.

Carole & John:

Yeah. And then it's, yeah, since we had her, we've then gone on just to, to do, um, stopovers because we've, we had to downsize to a, a smaller house, so we hadn't really got the room to have somebody full-time. We, we had her, but then after her, we've now gone back to what we started doing in the beginning, which is, um, you know, they just come stopovers and emergencies, but last year we had over 20. Stay with us. Wow.

Helen:

Yeah. And what was that like for, you know, when you wanted to, to move? Um, what was that like? You know, I can imagine that people might worry. Does fostering restrict them? Can they still move, house, move areas? You know, what was that process like for you?

Carole & John:

Yeah, no, it was absolutely fine. We, we were with, um. Pathway Care. Um, then, and there wasn't a pathway care down here in Somerset, so that's when we moved over to NFA. You know, it was quite seamless to be quite honest with you. We did have to do the introduction to fostering again, which we had a bit of a grumble about, but now actual felt, we glad that we did it 'cause we

John:

also a refresher.

Carole & John:

Yeah, we thought we've already done this. Why

Helen:

a little refresher Never hurt anyone did it.

Carole & John:

It was brilliant because, I mean, we, the last time we'd done it was 2011 and this was 2000 and, um, 18. Yeah. So a lot of things had changed.

John:

Yeah.

Carole & John:

You know, since then. So we learned, we, we relearnt again and I, and you know, we were really glad that we were, that well we, that we did it again, you know, a return to, um, you know, the introduction to fostering. So, no, it was. It was good and it was quite seamless and we've been happy with, with NFA since, since then, you know,

John:

we had, um, we had a bit of a hiccup on the actual move because the solicitors were dragging their feet and we couldn't get into this house in time. And we got a cottage, a lovely little cottage Yeah. Out in the, uh, Outbacks here, and we stayed there until, um. Until paperwork, uh, was completed and then we moved in and, uh, well, there was no, there was no, there's no problem.

Carole & John:

Yeah.

John:

Yeah.

Carole & John:

So I think you can take, you know, whatever you do, and if you're fostering and you do decide that you're gonna move, I, I can't see that it's a problem.

Helen:

Yeah.

Carole & John:

Well, it wasn't for us. It, it was quite seamless just

John:

to work

Carole & John:

it out. Yeah. Yeah.

Helen:

So you are 15 years along the line now then, aren't you? Can you imagine yourself Yes. Doing this for another 15? What, what do we reckon?

Carole & John:

I'd like to know we're, we're both 75 now,

Helen:

eh? You never know,

Carole & John:

so I

Helen:

don't Absolutely. I like,

Carole & John:

we're going be doing, I dunno if we're gonna be, but while we're able to Yeah. While we're

John:

physically fit.

Carole & John:

Yeah. So, you know, while we're able to, we'll continue, we, we just feel that as, um, as stop, you know, doing stop over. We're really helping other foster carers because I know when we were doing it full-time and we used to have two, two children at a time

John:

back in Northampshire,

Carole & John:

in Northampshire, we struggled sometimes getting respite. And I know that it is quite hard mm-hmm. Um, at times to do that. So we feel that we're doing, you know, um, foster carers, we're helping them and, and that just in itself, they can have a little break and actually make or break a, a placement for them. Yeah. You know, that they need a little bit of a Yeah. So we're very, very happy to, to do that. And we, we get the same kids coming back often. Yeah. It's lovely. Yeah,

John:

yeah.

Carole & John:

You know, we get to know their foster carers. So it's, it is really lovely. It really is. We're like a, we all, we call ourselves, we're like A, B, b, because sometimes we've got one going

John:

out

Carole & John:

out and another one coming in the same day and we're having to frantically

John:

change the sheets,

Carole & John:

change the sheets and, you know, 'cause we've only got the, the one room. But that's, but that's fine.

John:

Yeah. In fact it's, it's enriched our lines. I think that's basically what's, what's kept us certain Yeah. Physically fit, you know?'cause we, our minds are still working, you know, and, uh, flying ahead you'd see the, um. Uh, the, uh, what do they call that? Yeah, the calendar. Oh, yeah. It's quite busy. Full. It's absolutely fullest.

Helen:

Yeah.

John:

Yeah. Yeah.

Helen:

So for anyone listening or watching who is, is thinking about becoming a foster carer, how, how would you encourage them to go for it?

John:

Hmm.

Helen:

Who wants to

John:

go

Helen:

first? Well,

John:

I think most mostly stated that the you, the pair or partner or that going to be sort of like a hundred percent, um, agreeable to, to go ahead for the first steps.

Carole & John:

I think just go for it.

John:

Yeah. Yeah.

Carole & John:

I think just go for it and give it a try.

John:

Give it, yeah.

Carole & John:

You know, um, we've met lots of people at, in our time here in Cleveland, our doggy, our Irish setter actually advertises NFA.

John:

Oh, was

Carole & John:

that He's got a, he's got, he's got a little, um,

John:

harness.

Carole & John:

A harness, um, that the recruitment officer had done for us. And he's actually got an FA on there.

John:

Yeah.

Carole & John:

So we get stopped quite a bit. The only thing is they think that we foster him.

John:

Yeah.

Carole & John:

Because it doesn't say children,

John:

don't say children on it, but

Carole & John:

it's a starting point. So

John:

yeah.

Carole & John:

People do come up and ask us, and we've always, we always make sure we've got some cards with us.

John:

Mm-hmm.

Helen:

Yeah.

Carole & John:

You know, um, and just talk to them about it and how it's enriched our house that we, how, uh, our lives. It's

John:

been a blessing.

Carole & John:

Yeah. And, um. Not, if they don't feel as though they want to completely put their feet in the, the water, just, you know, and just try doing a little bit of, um, stopovers.

Helen:

Yeah.

Carole & John:

Like we did, you know, we sort of started doing that. Yeah. And now we're back to that. You know, doing that.

John:

But there's other thing as well's, ways to dip your toe in the network of support.

Carole & John:

Yeah.

John:

We get, we get tremendous support. So you do, you're not left on your own, you know?

Helen:

Yeah.

John:

It's really good.

Carole & John:

Well, I must admit we do get a lot of support. We're, you know, we've got a brilliant, um, supervising social worker and we meet up every month, the support groups meet. And things, so we're, you know, we're mixing with, with other foster carers. Mm-hmm. We've got a nice little network.

Helen:

Yeah.

Carole & John:

So it is, it's good.

Helen:

You used a lovely word there, Carol, that fostering has enriched your lives. How would you, how would you say that it has enriched your life? How would you sum it up?

Carole & John:

Because, well,

John:

well, we both had children.

Carole & John:

Yeah.

John:

And they're all adults now and they've grown up and I think with having a child back. It brings back that, um, that feeling of you caring and, and you Yeah. And you're making a difference in that child's life, you

Carole & John:

know? Yeah. You're nurturing.

John:

Yeah, nurturing.

Carole & John:

It's just, it's, it's just lovely because it, we feel as though we're, we're actually doing something, you know, we're, we're, we're helping this child, you know, we're helping this child with. With their future, with their journey, with their actual journey through their life, you know, alongside with their, with their, their foster carer. We can make a difference. Best thing we've ever done.

Helen:

Yeah. Oh, I can tell. It really is, isn't it? And it's so lovely to hear your story and how, you know, you obviously both wanted to do it so much and you both found each other. Yeah. And now you're living out that life you always wanted. Yeah.

Carole & John:

Yeah.

Helen:

Oh, well it's lovely to chat to you both and thank you so, so much for coming on the podcast.

John:

Okay. That's, yeah, fine. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah, thank you.

Helen:

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, find head online and search National Fostering Group and make this the year you foster.