Scott - Patience, Progress, and Second Chances

Meet Scott, a foster carer from Kent who has dedicated 20 years to transforming the lives of children with complex needs. Since 2005, Scott and his wife Haley have fostered 13 children, specializing in long-term placements for neurodiverse young people.

In this inspiring conversation, Scott shares:

✨ How fostering has evolved from 2005 to 2026, with therapeutic practices replacing outdated approaches
📚 The reality of raising foster children alongside his own family — and teaching for six GCSEs along the way
🎓 A powerful story of advocacy: helping a child move from special needs school to mainstream education, leading to a successful apprenticeship
💡 His biggest lesson: the power of patience and not rushing to judgment
🏃‍♂️ How running marathons worldwide (including all six major marathons) has enriched his fostering journey — even taking a foster son to Tokyo

Scott's message is clear: fostering is a lifestyle choice that requires kindness, patience, and a willingness to see beyond the labels that follow vulnerable children. The child you see today isn't always the one written down in reports.

If you're considering fostering or want to understand the profound impact it can have, this episode is a must-watch

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk

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Transcript

Alex: 0:00

Scott Lynch is with me on Voices of fostering. Scott, you are in Kent and you are no stranger, you and your family, uh, to the world of fostering. So tell me your saga, so to speak.

Scott: 0:14

Yeah. So I, uh, in 2005 I was a detective sergeant in, uh, in child protection, uh, for Kemp Police, um, working all the hours God sends. Um, and, uh, my wife was, um, she was at home looking after our very young family when, um, her sisters who were already fostering, um, had a discussion with her and sort of said, why don't you, why don't you, you and Scott start fostering. Really that was, that was in 2005. And we just, we just approached Heath farm, um, fostering at the time. And back in those days it was, uh, it was a farm, literally. It was old, um, cow sheds. It was a farm and there were old milking cow sheds, and that's where the classes were. Obviously it's been updated and, um, rebuilt and, uh, modernized, but that's how it was back then. And, uh, we started fostering for Heath Farm in 2005 and here we are in 2026. Still, still going. My children have grown up. Left home. Um, got married and started their own families. Um, and I'm still here with, um, uh, foster boys, foster boys and girls, um, but still with the family. Uh, I must have done the GCSE, uh, geography, GS GCSE about six times. I think I've studied for it about six times with the children we've had through over the years. Um. So I reckon I could pass it, even though I've never taken it.

Alex: 1:46

So you've had, you've fostered 13 children in that time, you and Haley?

Scott: 1:50

Yes. Yeah. We specialize in sort of long-term, long-term, um, placements of children, uh, mainly children. Most of the children we've had were, have been neurodiverse, so kind of, um, required extra help with, um, with education and, um, and, um, social skills and stuff like that. So we've, um, yeah, we've had a, we've had a real mixed bag of, um, children. Our oldest foster child, now he's 30. 34, I think come up 34 now. Um, so it just makes you feel a bit old when you, when you start looking back over fostering.

Alex: 2:31

Yeah. But I imagine the process helps keep you young though, right?

Scott: 2:35

Yeah. Oh, definitely. I mean, like I said, I mean, I've, I think I've taught, I was trying to work it out the other day. I think I've taught four of them to drive over the time. Um, so you kind of go through that process. You go through the, through the, through the GCSE process over and over again. You kind of, it's like Groundhog Day. You kind of, most parents get to do it once and then kind of. Move on, don't they? And then they may well do it with the grandchildren, but in fostering you kind of every, every sort of five years or three or four years, there's a cycle and it repeats itself. And it's just, it's, it's just the way it's, I think you get better at fostering the longer you, uh, the longer you do it. And of course, fostering in 2026 is so much different to, in 2020 we've seen such a change, you know? Um, there's a lot more, uh, therapeutic, um, practices. Now than there's ever been before. Um, and it's a really good thing. It's kind of like looking behind the behavior and, uh, and seeking different, different alternatives, different ways to manage, um, problems that we had in 2005. You know, so the way I fostered then, or the way we fostered then. It's completely different to how we foster today. Uh, and rightly so. It's just kind of how you've developed really, or how we've developed.

Alex: 3:52

So you, you made the point there basically that if you are entering this world and, uh, and, and considering it, you've gotta stay open-minded and be adaptive to not just how the world change, but how the process changes as well, and how kids change too. Yeah.

Scott: 4:06

Yeah. Oh yeah. I mean, you know, ch chil when we started fostering, really, you may well. Child. A child may have had just about, had a brick phone back then, maybe, you know, texts to, to send texts, uh, and make phone calls probably, but most didn't. Now every child's virtually got one that we've, that we have. So you kind of have to, so you have to, you know, with eSafety and online safety, you have to do all the, the, the, the training so that you can kind of, um, see how young people communicate.'cause young people communicate a lot differently. Now, and they've got a social network of friends, they've got a social network of friends online, haven't they? Um, and that was never the case 20 years ago. Um, so yeah, that's, it's a lot, it's a lot more complex now, I'd say. Um, sometimes it's easier, um, because they, you know, they, they, they, they can entertain themselves a lot more, but you have to constantly. Monitor, coach and interact with'em to make sure that they're staying safe and they're not doing anything silly online or getting themselves into trouble or anything. So you just have to kind of guide and coach them along really. And to do that, you need to be tech quite, tech savvy. So yeah, I, um, what, I don't know. I get my, I get my children to do and then sometimes older foster children, I've said, what about this? What about that? What's this, what does that mean? You know, so you kind of, you can find an alleyway somewhere. And you can normally, um, solve a problem that way. So that's the way we do it.

Alex: 5:45

Tell me about the kind of support you'll get if you foster a child who has SEN.

Scott: 5:52

Right. Where you'll get, you'll get, well, you'll get. A tremendous amount of support in terms of, um, there'll be, they'll, they'll be statement, uh, if they're not, they, they'll, they'll seek to do that. You'll have, um, that you'll have their, their, um, education plan, um, that you can, that, that helps you guide, helps guide you through, uh, I mean on that, on that basis. Um, there, that education plan's set out to, um. Make sure they're not disadvantaged. I have encountered, um, basically edu uh, education plans that have disadvantaged the child because they've been written when they were much younger and that children change and they develop and they improve and, and sometimes, um, this is a case in our, in, in our, with our, one of our children, he was, he was stuck in a, in a, in a. Special needs school. And he was really struggling there because he, he, he wanted, he wanted to be mainstream and he had the, he had the ability to be mainstream, but we just had to kind of like go through line by line his, his report and, um, not dismiss things that had happened before, but kind of say there's no evidence for that. And in fact, his evidence to prove that that doesn't, that isn't the case. Do you see what I mean? And kind of, and I went through it line by line, 40 page document and, um, presented it. And, um, albeit that it didn't change the report, um, we got him out of this, the Special needs school and into mainstream. And that child excelled in mainstream, did all passed all his GCSEs, secured a, an apprenticeship in, um, uh, a local garage. And he's now into his second year and he's doing really, really well. You know, I mean, he, he could. Um, qualify for Apprentice of the Year next year if he goes for it. Do you know what I mean? He's kind of like, they're ear, they're earmarking him for, for um, potentially putting him up for Apprentice of the Year. He's, that, he's done that well, you know, and that was a child that was in special education school, you know, with, with, um, complex needs. And, um, you know, we were able to see beyond that. Really, really help him. And, um, he's flown. He's flown. So kind of, yeah. You know, it's, it's there when it's needed. And then sometimes you have to, um, you have to kind of like, with your own children, think, is that the best thing for them? You know, kind of like you'd have to kind of judge it yourself. You know, the child that you are seeing sometimes isn't the child that's written down. And that's really important with all fostering that once it's, once the child does something and someone writes it down, that doesn't mean that that's always gonna be the case. So, um, you know, foster children can be disadvantaged by. Making mistakes in, in their younger life or doing things, and then it's recorded and then forevermore that follows them around. And sometimes, you know, as, as a foster carer, you can kind of go, okay, well I've, I've watched this child for two years or three years and I've, I've no evidence to to, to back that particular statement up. In fact, I'll give, I can give you evidence of how it isn't the case, you know, and you can kind of be really quite proactive. And I find in fostering that. Um, professionals do listen to you, uh, other professionals do listen to you. Carry quite a lot of weight. Can be frustrating, um, because there's certain things that you're not party to. Um, but yeah, you know, um. Uh, as a general role, um, you can, you can, um, you can really make a difference in their lives. Um, fostering, fostering really can make a difference in their lives and give them some positive outcomes, you know, and make them kind of like really, um, find their place in where they fit in this world, because that's difficult. It's difficult when you've been so disadvantaged from such a young age. You're kind of your own children. You've seen 'em from. From birth till, you know, 15, you know why they're behaving like they may well be, but for foster children, you, you don't have that backstory. So there's gaps and, um, yeah, sometimes, sometimes, uh, uh, that's where it's difficult 'cause you can't always fill those gaps in. And so you need specialist help, um, uh, therapy, therapeutic help therapy, uh, therapists that work within the, uh, the agency. Um. But they help and they help unpick some of those behaviors. Um, I didn't realize kinda how much that affected how much, um, a child's affected from sort of naught to, from sort of naught even before they're born, until sort of three. I, I couldn't under never understand how much affected they can be in that very short time. And they can be, there's lots and lots of attachment disorders and things like that that you, that you and I may well take for granted that our parents did, that these children's parents don't necessarily do or find difficult to do because they're, they've got their own issues and stuff, so, yeah. That's kind of it in a nutshell.

Alex: 10:58

Yeah. Well, uh, Scott, I think you've described it perfectly in terms of, um, every child is different. The difference that then you make as you step in, the support that's available, and then the story that you told about that one particular, uh, child and how. His education changed with your guidance. Um, it's just a mag. Yes. A magnificent ex example of the story, um, and the role that you play and how important it's, what's the biggest thing, uh, over 13, uh, children that you have learned about yourself.

Scott: 11:31

Um, Doug to conclusions, um, don't react. Immediately to what's in front of you. Stop, think, reflect, uh, and, and you've more time than you think. In fostering, sometimes you can rush to a decision and it isn't always the right, it isn't always the right one. Um, you know, so I'll give you a really basic example. If something's gone missing, you, you, you may well go, well, that was there and it's not there now. Who's taking it? Someone's taking it. Um. You can sort of, um, react, uh, overreact and, um, you know, perhaps accuse the person of, accuse someone of taking it or, um, stealing it for, for want of, for want of a better word. But, um. I've often found that if you just chi, if you just relax and just take a step back, the amount of times I've found the item afterwards, I'm gone. Jesus, I'm glad I really didn't react to that. You know, it would've been really, really damaging. So kind of, I, I try and say to new carers, kind of, you've got a lot. A lot more time than you think you have. Sometimes you don't have any time, and you have to immediately, if somethings in, if there's a, if there's a dangerous situation, you have to kind of, you know, quietly try and inter interact. But a lot of the time, you have a lot more time than you think, and you can just hold fire. Think about it, make a phone call, speak to somebody. The problem will resolve itself. And you, you sort of think to yourself, I'm glad I did that. You know? So kind of patience. Patience is key. I think with fostering, um, you can be, you know, and that goes and that's difficult if you are one of these people that's very react. And I'm quite reactive. If something happens, I'm like, what's going on? You know? And um, so that's, that's just, just an example of one of the things.

Alex: 13:26

Yeah. I

Scott: 13:26

suppose.

Alex: 13:28

Well, a big thank you to everything that, that you and Hailey have done. Um, and, uh, thank you for chatting to us today. Is there anything else you'd like to add before we bid you farewell?

Scott: 13:37

No, no, not really. Um, I mean, obviously I do a lot of running, um, so I, I, um, I've run. I've run all the majors and this is my, uh, major. This is amazing.

Alex: 13:48

Well done.

Scott: 13:49

The Abbot, the Abbott. This is the Abbott six star medal. Yeah. So you, you, when you run, I've run Chicago, New York, Boston, Tokyo, Berlin, and obviously I've done London. I'm doing London this year. It's the ninth. Right. I've run it nine times. Wow. So, oh, this will been my ninth time. I've done it eight times. So kind of, I did that and I've done that through, um, through fostering because, um, I mean. Came with us to Japan. Um, one of my foster, the oldest boy came with us to Japan, uh, um, just this, just this year or just last year. So he had the trip of a lifetime out to, to Tokyo. And, um, you know, that really broadens the mine because he, he'll always carry. Memory with him, you know, of going out to Japan and he even, he even went from heart, from the hotel to into the central of Japan and central to Tokyo to see me finish. And he managed to navigate his way all the way into Central Tokyo and then back to the hotel as well, just Jo, sophisticated and how simple it is to use. The, the, the, the travel network in Brilliant in Tokyo. It's a fantastic country if you've never been there. Um, and he loved it and as inspired him to kind of like want to go back there again when he gets older, you know, kind of. Yeah. So that's what it's all about really. That's kind of like the ultimate for me. I think you just got to be, you've got to be kind. You've got to want, want to help these young, help young people. And you've gotta be, you've gotta be patient and you've got to, um, you've gotta be prepared to sacrifice your life. It's a life. Fostering is a lifestyle choice. Um, uh, you will lose friends from. Uh, potentially or other friends don't, you don't lose friends, but they're kind of like, you don't get invited to as many things as you perhaps use. You find

Alex: 15:40

out who your

Scott: 15:40

true

Alex: 15:40

friends are. True friends.

Scott: 15:43

Yeah. You, yeah, you do. You do. And, um, and, uh, you kind of, you kind of come as a, you know, we kind of rent a crowd, really. There's fight. If someone invites me, there's five of us that come, you know, so kind of. You just take that. So we tend to have stuff here and invite people over to us, so we kind of, we can control that environment a lot better. And that suits us, you know, so you just have to, you just have to adapt the way that you perhaps did before, I suppose is, is the best thing. And, and, um, yeah, but it's, it's, it's, it's really worthwhile. It's worthwhile. And it's, it's something that, um. My wife Haley really, really enjoys doing. And, um, as I say, my children, my youngest, our eldest daughter or my youngest daughter, she's, she's 23, she's never known anything but fostering. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Because she can't remember when there wasn't foster children.'cause she was only two or three when we started fostering. So, um, yeah. So it's, it's become a normal part of our lives really. And that's, that's the best way to do it, really, is just to kind of have it fit in with your

Alex: 16:45

Yeah. You normally, with your life, you normalize it as much as you can.

Scott: 16:48

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Alex: 16:50

I think we can leave you to the rest of your evening, Scott. Thank you. Thank you so much. Appreciate you.

Scott: 16:57

Bye.

Helen: 16:58

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering group and make this the year you foster.