Voices of Fostering

Louise - The Power of Lived Experience in Fostering

• National Fostering Group

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What happens when someone who grew up in foster care decides to become a foster parent themselves? In this heartfelt episode, we sit down with Louise, a Carer Recruitment Officer at National Fostering Group who knows firsthand the life-changing power of foster care.

Louise shares her remarkable story—from entering care as a teenager with her baby daughter to finding the loving foster family that transformed her life. Now, over a year into her own fostering journey, she's giving back by providing a safe, loving home while helping to bring in more foster carers.

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk

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Helen:

Hello, and welcome to this episode of Voices of Fostering. I'm delighted today to be joined by one of our lovely carer recruitment officers from the National Fostering Group. Uh, Louise. Hello, Louise. Hi, Helen. Hello. Nice to be you. Hi. Oh, thanks so much for coming on. It's really, really lovely, uh, to meet you and to, to chat to you. So, firstly, you are a carer recruitment officer, but that's quite a, a new role to you, isn't it? You've only been doing it for a few months, is that right?

Louise:

Yes, that's right, yes. Um, I, I've worked in recruitment previously. Uh. But, uh, just having the, the, we, we started fostering a young lad o obviously earlier in, uh, the year in January. And it was just too much with the job I was doing. So this job, especially working for National Fostering group, is just a lot more flexible, um, around that. So,

Helen:

yeah. So you were a foster carer anyway, uh, with the National Fostering group. Yeah. You have been for over a year. Um, but then also I imagine what it's like a sort of chain of events really, isn't it? Because what led you to becoming a foster car yourself is that you were in foster care yourself as a child. Is that right?

Louise:

Yes, yes. Well, I mean, I went into kind of full-time care, foster care when I was a teenager, um, with my baby daughter. As well, um, who's gonna be 30 next year, which is quite scary. But, um, yeah, so I'd had a few experiences, you know, in children's homes and temporary foster homes previous to that, which weren't always the best to be honest. But the full-time foster home that I was placed in with my older daughter, well. My oldest daughter now, but my baby at the time, um, the, the carers were just fantastic and they certainly changed the direction of my life, you know, completely. Um, so, and taught me how to be not just a decent person, but also a mom, which was really important. Um, so it was always something that I wanted to kind of do, knowing what a, a huge difference it can make in a life. Um, I just know for a fact that I wouldn't be kind of where I am now and have the relationship with my own children. Um, which there are now, including the young Laddie Foster, uh, six of them all together. Um, so I wouldn't have that relationship with them if, if I hadn't have been shown what it is to be, you know, in a real family, um, with supportive parents. So I. Um, hopefully, I'm hoping to kind of get some more people on board that, uh, can offer this, knowing how much, how much of a difference it can make. Yeah.

Helen:

So going into adulthood yourself, Louise, with that experience of, of foster care and, and how crucial it was for you, was that always something that you thought you'd do yourself?

Louise:

Yes.

Helen:

Yeah.

Louise:

Yes. And I did explore it kind of in my twenties, but, um, I already had two children and then I actually fell pregnant with my son. Um, so it was just put to the side. And then there was, you know, usual kind of lots of life events. There just wasn't then the capacity to, to do that. Um, and then it was just, as I say, kind of, um, well, a couple of years ago, really, now that we moved into a larger house. Um, my job was working from home and my hours were a bit more flexible and the, the kids were a bit, you know, older, some of them completely grown up, but you know, even the younger ones a bit older and I've spoken to my partner and said. You know, because he knew it was something I always wanted to do, but I said, I think really think that now is the time. Can we explore this? And, uh, and that's, that's what we did. So here we are.

Helen:

Yeah. So tell us about the beginning of that journey then. You know, what, what was it like when you sort of first dipped your toe? How were you feeling?

Louise:

Um, I was feeling really excited, um, about it all. Also a bit nervous.'cause you never, I was fully aware that even though I had quite a, a, a reasonably good understanding of, you know what, what it's to be a foster parent. You never know completely until you're in, you're in the situation because every child is different. Every situation is different. I think. Um. As well, the child that we have, you know, he's had an incredibly, um, you know, difficult experience earlier, early life experience. Um, and a lot of the, uh, complexities that have come with that haven't ne haven't, you know, they've just been coming out kind of bit by bit, let's say over the year. Um, and it has been, it has been really hard work, to be honest. Uh, probably a lot harder than I anticipated. And as I say earlier in the year, come to the point where. The job that I had at the time alongside fostering was just a lot of pressure. I mean, I was, you know, um, you know, working as a recruitment consultant, a 360 consultant, which is a lot more pressure, um, with targets and business development, et cetera. And something had to give and it wasn't gonna be that, that little boy, that's for sure. So, you know, that's why I kind of changed, changed job roles at that point. Um, but I think that. We are making progress. It's hard to see when you're in the middle of it and it feels like chaos and, and you are tired and you know, it's hard to see the progress he's made, but he's made such huge progress. It's unbelievable. And I think the most rewarding thing for me is when I just peek in his room at night to check that his is lamps off and he is okay and just see him all curled up in bed, sleeping safe. And I just think, yeah, that's, that's what it's all about, you know? Um, just knowing, um, that he's safe. And he's never gonna experience the same. Things that he has done previously, ever again. Yeah. Um, we have his first Christmas with us and it's, that's really, we're all really looking forward to that, so. Oh,

Helen:

I bet you are. That's amazing. So, Louise, just going back to the, the, the start of your journey to be, be. Becoming a foster carer, really just for anybody watching or listening who has maybe been in foster care themselves and is thinking about doing it, you know? Mm-hmm. Like you always had. What sort of advice would you give them? Do you have to be sort of mindful going into it, that you are, you know, you're protecting yourself and, and you're being careful.

Louise:

Mm-hmm.

Helen:

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Louise:

Yes. No, I, I totally, I think I know, I know what you're kind, where you're coming from, Helen. And I think that, you know, I think all, a lot of us will have, you know, some kind of maybe emotional trauma or perhaps trigger trigger wounds from life experiences, but especially when you've already been a look, looked after child yourself.

Helen:

Yeah. Um,

Louise:

and it's much more likely. Um, and I think for me, one of the huge things is to do with, uh. The maternal relationship, let's say, with our foster child and I had, which is not, uh, particularly, you know, uh, rewarding. So that is, you know, when we're talking about that and when I have to, you know, kind of deal with that situation with our little one, that can feel like a bit triggering. But in another way it actually does also give me a bridge to him that, you know. I mean, one of the kind of comments he'd kind of once said to me was that, um, he'd been upset, hurt himself, and, um, he didn't, he didn't bother telling his mom because she wouldn't care anyway. And I, and I kind of felt like a bit of a pang, but then I said, do you know what darling? My mom probably would've been the same. I says, but I had my foster mom, Jill, and you've got me and I do care. So very, very much so. It also, I think that as a, as a previously looked after child and has been in foster care, um, you know, looking to foster, it's, you can have such, you know, invaluable, uh, resources and transferable skills that you can bring to help, um, you know, look after a, a another child.

Helen:

Yeah. And I mean, we, you know, we say, don't we, that you can't really fully. Appreciate something until you've walked a mile in somebody's shoes. And I, I suppose your, um, you know, your experience in foster care yourself gives you a level of empathy that many foster carers do not have.

Louise:

Yeah, I mean, quite possibly. I mean, I'm not kind of disregarding what other foster carers do for Yeah. For one, you know, one moment. Um, but it's, I dunno if it's more even empathy, it's maybe understanding because Yeah. You know, when he's talking about, you know, certain, you know. Kind of, uh, things, events that have happened to him, even the loss of his, his father. And, you know, I lost my father when I was relatively young as well, my biological father. And it's like being able to, I know how you feel. You know?

Helen:

Yeah. So

Louise:

it's not, I can understand. It's like I know how that feels, you know? And, um, and even things like, he'll say at school, he's, I mean, he's very adamant myself from my part. My partner weary his mum and dad, and he'll tell everyone at school that we are, he, he doesn't like to kind of say that, although my foster people, she's understandable and I can remember even feeling that. Even though I was older than than him, um, feeling that myself, that I wanted to just pretend that they were my real parents because they were so much better than the ones that I had. Which sounds terrible, but unfortunately it is true. Um, you know, it's uh, it's one of those kind of, you know, those, those year. So I can understand from a lot of, you know, a lot of levels, uh, when it comes to that, um, how, you know, how he feels. Yeah. Um, and I think also even my grownup children can understand 'cause they know. Kind of my experiences and they, you know, my foster parents and, um, yeah. So it's, it's just nice to have that for him, that he's got someone that can, you know, relate his experiences, I would say. Yeah.

Helen:

So, Louise, you've been a foster carer for over a year now. You've been working as a carer recruitment officer for a few months. So let's look at your everyday, then, you know what, what's your everyday life now? You know, now you, you live, sleep, breathe, fostering really in every element of your life, don't you?

Louise:

Yeah. Well, so our. Our young lad. He's, um, he's very hypervigilant, so he doesn't, you know, he does kind of have minimal sleep hours. So I do, I have to kind of alter my routine, so I try and go to bed a lot earlier so that I can give him a headstart. But he's up quite early. But we have a really good routine'cause that's what he thrives on. Um, I only work kind of part-time as a CER recruitment officer. Um, and my manager and team are just absolutely fabulous. So if there is any really important, uh, meetings for him, um, which they obviously has been, then I can adjust my hours and, you know, I can spread them out over the week if need. So, uh, other times. So I usually get him sorted off to school and then, you know, jump on and, and see what's happening, see what needs to be done. Um, it's been quite busy kind of coming up to Christmas. We've had a lot of care engagement stuff happening, um, which is just, you know, kind of, uh, looking after our existing caregivers in the area. And it's been a good opportunity for me to get to know all the local care carers and, and, uh, you know, introduce myself. Um, so I'm hoping kind of going into January it's gonna. Take off a bit more and I can really start to get my teeth into, you know, recruiting some, some more, you know, uh, foster carers for the team, basically. So,

Helen:

yeah. Yeah. And what would you say, Louise, I'm sure the list is endless, but what makes a really good foster carer?

Louise:

Um, yeah, the list is endless, I would say having a very open mind. Um, being flexible and adaptable. Uh, empathy of course. Um, and, you know, that kind of ability to, yeah, to empathize even if you can't understand completely, try and put yourself in someone else's shoes. Um, the, the practical things are, you know, that you need to obviously have a, a, an extra room and, um, you know, so the capacity to, to take another child into your home. But it's, it's just so much more than that. That's just the, the very bare bones of it, you know? Um, I mean, uh, NF uh, NFG overall, there is a lot of support and training that's offered. So I think that if you've got that willingness to want to, you know, give a child a, a, an opportunity, uh, to be in a family, in, in your family home, then there's huge amount of training. But it's just being able to have that, uh, I would say open fineness. I think that. Just with some of the discussion, the conversations I've had, I think some of the people that are quite rigid in their thinking of, well this worked for my children, so I'll still be doing that, is, that's not the way. Um, I've got four of my own biological children, a stepdaughter, and now are looked after little one. And I would say my parents and experience with all six of those has been completely different. So I think being able to have that adaptability 'cause things do change, and also no child is the same, especially when you, you haven't had them maybe. Yeah, sometimes you have, but perhaps since you know, birth. Um, and you've got to be able to have that, um, flexibility to, and willingness to learn and adapt to, to what needs to be. And bucket fulls of patience,

Helen:

of course.

Louise:

So

Helen:

Louise lot, lots of people in their everyday lives, you know, they've got their own children. They've got their own things going on. They might not ever think about. You know, you are aware that there are children in care, but you just don't think about it, and obviously you are so passionate about it. Why do you think that we as a society need to think about it and need to do something about it?

Louise:

I would say that there is still a lot of stigma from my opinion around looked after children and being in foster care. Um, and I know this because I've, I've heard it myself. I mean, even reasonably recently, I would say when I'd spoken about fostering and someone had said to me in this particular. You know, it was just a social situation. Um, oh, I did think about that. But then I thought, you know, I dunno if I could deal with that. Having, you know, a child that's maybe gonna come in and disrupt the house and, you know, smash things up. And, and I was like, Hmm. And I said, did you know that I was in foster care? And they were like, no. Wow. And I said, well, I was, yeah. And, uh, they went, oh, I, I never would've thought you were, you would've been in foster care. And I said, why not? I said, well, just because. So, yeah, they couldn't

Helen:

really answer Well, what does somebody who's been in foster care look like? Like, you know, do you know what I mean? Yeah. So you are just, you are really challenging stereotypes, aren't you?

Louise:

Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's a big part of it, is that some people's perspective will be that, you know, children that are in care, uh, and need a, a foster placement are, you know, a certain stereotype of, you know, maybe they're disruptive. They have, you know, very specific, you know, needs. And, uh, it's gonna, it's just basically not gonna be a good fit for them. But that is not, that couldn't be further from the truth. I mean, I think that. The young lads that we have is, uh, maybe not sometimes. The best example for me with when I'm talking to like friends and people I know because he has ended up having quite a lot of complex knees, but I. That is an just him, that's just one of case. Um, there are a lot of children that come into the, the care system and they just quite simply, you know, just need this, uh, a safety, safety net and the secureness of being in a home. They just want an opportunity and a chance, um, to, to be like everybody else. I don't like to use the word normal'cause there's not really any such thing as normal, let's face it. But what is normal? Yeah, exactly. So. Um, and I think that people need to kind of recognize that they might have been themselves in a very lucky situation where they've, uh, you know, had all these opportunities to, to grow and, and, you know, just to have a, a regular life and not experience any trauma or neglect or abuse. And, and, you know, and quite likely. If they're think it being a foster carer, then definitely their, their own children would've had a, a good experience and not experienced that too. But some children unfortunately do have that, and they never asked for that. So they haven't asked to be put in that situation, you know? Uh, and we, none of us asked for the parents that we got. So why, you know, why shouldn't they have an opportunity to, you know, have what everyone else has, which is a, a warm, loving, safe family. Um, so I, I think that's why people do need to really consider that. And I know some people will think, oh, you know, with their own children, it wouldn't be the same with the, I don't think that that's the case. I mean, we absolutely, all of us adore the little one that we have. Yeah. Um, would not be about him. So

Helen:

in the information that I got about you, Louise, you say he's the epitome of resilience and is truly remarkable.

Louise:

Yeah, he is. Yeah. He really is. Yeah, he's, he's just, I mean, he's the cutest little button anyway, although, you know, he is a little monkey, but you know, it probably helps. He's got this very cute little face, but he really is, you know, I've never just known someone like him. I mean, on the right. I think getting him in the right path with the right support, he could be something. Well, he already is incredible, but you know, he has a real opportunity to make something really good of his life. And what makes me sad is that. Someone like him with, who's such a force of nature and he's, he's very intelligent as well. Um, and, uh, you know, he could, he could either be something really amazing or something potentially, I dunno what, what you'd wanna kind of say, but, you know, go the other way, let's say, um, and without having foster care as available. To offer children like this, um, you know that safety and security mm-hmm. And the chance to have a regular life. Then this is why so many, so many people are aiming up, going, let's say, on the opposite path, whatever that might be, but it's not always the great one, let's say. Um, so I think it's everyone's responsibility to kind of think about that a little bit, you know? Mm-hmm. And think what could I do for these, you know, that are most vulnerable members of society that haven't asked to be in a situation that they're in, in the first place.

Helen:

Yeah. And we've talked Louise about, you know, what people can bring to foster care, what you could bring to the role of, of being a foster carer, but what do you get back? What do foster carers get back? Because there's just so many benefits, isn't there?

Louise:

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think that, you know, obviously, well the practical ones I can kind of come back to, but the, the more emotional ones and stuff. Yeah. I mean, a lot of people, especially in the early days, thought I was absolutely crazy to, especially to give up my other job, uh, to foster, because financially that was just crazy. But, you know, for, for us. But that didn't, you know, that doesn't bother me because. For me, I think as I said to you every night, my satisfaction seeing that little boy curled up safe in his bed, surrounded by the multiple teddies that we keep accumulating. Um, you know, he, it just, that just makes my heart, you know, absolutely swell. Um, I mean his, you know, he calls us myself and my partner, mom and dad. Now he's to, he's totally embedded in our family. Um, the hope is that he will stay with us permanently. So that is the path we're going down. Um, obviously that doesn't always have to be the case or isn't always the case with fostering. There's lots of different types, but, um, for, for us, for him. So I think that having that, you know, satisfaction and just seeing him grow. Coming back from school, the certificate saying that he's the pupil of the week for good listening. And I'm like, are you sure that's your certificate? But you know, things like that are just immense, you know? Um, so that's huge. But you know, aside from that, if we're looking at the, kind of the practicalities around becoming a foster parent, you know, yes. There's a, there's a good, uh, a generous allowance, which does allow you to kind. You know, take the financial pressure off a bit, um, for, for supporting and looking after another child in, in your own home. Um, the support and the training, which I've mentioned already is, you know, phenomenal. Um, earlier in the, in the summer we had a particularly tricky patch and I had to harness all resources from, you know, from our team, uh, around us, which was, you know, kind of, uh, activated within, you know, 24 hours. Everybody kind of. Swap swarmed in and scooped us all up. And you know, it was just so reassuring.'cause I think that's one of the huge things that maybe puts people off or discourages them is, you know, what do I do if I can't cope? Or mm-hmm. What happens, something happens in the middle of the night or, you know, well there is such a lot of support around you of National Fostering Group. Um, and we are one of the, you know, few agencies as well that does have a, a 24 hour, um, full, you know, support, help helpline. Not just a. Off to a different call center actually with one of the, you know, support and social work team. Um, so if there is any issues, you know, even in the middle of the night someone is gonna be there and pick up the phone to you. So that's huge as well. Um, in our, with NFG, again, we have our, you know, our fabulous support workers who work really hard to, um, create opportunities. Fair. Children and young people to have, um, you know, like different outings and different experience and parties within our own one. We're actually going to Christmas pantomime this week, so, so that's lovely. Uh, and a lot of children won't have had these experiences before, so it's fantastic that that's, you know, covered for you. Um, and in addition, you know, the care recruitment team, which is obviously myself included, we, um, aim to look after our existing carers and make sure they are acknowledged. And appreciated very much too, which isn't always something that happens. So. You know, for a kind of example this year we've had, you know, uh, pamper sessions that we've arranged for our kiters. Um, we've had flower and reef making workshops as well for them. We do arrange kind of keda catch-ups with coffee mornings and, you know, just ample of loads of cakes, which is really not really good for, for my diet. But anyway. Um, you know, so there's just an all round wraparound, you know, support. Um, there's obviously many, many other kind of benefits in regards to kind of, you know, discounts and access to, you know, kind of financial advice and mortgages for foster carers. And the list kind of goes on, to be honest, Helen, but I think what's. Most important is the kind of the, the practical support of the team around you. And to be a really good foster carer. And the sort of person I'm looking for is someone that's looking for that warm glow inside from being able to give a child a, a, you know, a safe, secure home. Um, because that's what it, you know, a lot of it is done out of kind of, you know, the love that you have for children. Love you want to give. But at National Fostering Group, they obviously appreciate that you can't just, you can't survive on that alone. So there is obviously monetary and practical support around that as well. Everything that's gonna, you know, help you be a successful foster carer, basically.

Helen:

Wonderful. Right. Well, I, I think that's a lovely note to end on, really a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. You can, you can definitely provide that for people, can't you? Yeah. Yes. Yes. Oh, Louise. It's been really, really lovely to talk to you and best of luck with the future. Thanks very much, Helen. It was lovely to speak to you too. Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering group and make this the year you foster.