Voices of Fostering

David & Rachael - Opening Hearts and Homes, an Inspiring Foster Family Journey

• National Fostering Group • Season 4 • Episode 21

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In this episode of "Voices of Fostering," we welcome back David and Rachael, a remarkable couple who have opened their hearts and home to eight children—three birth children and five foster children. Join us as they share their journey into fostering, the joys and challenges of blending a large family, and the powerful impact fostering has had on their lives.

David and Rachael discuss the realities of the assessment process, the emotional experiences of welcoming children in need, and the importance of support from family and fostering agencies. They also reflect on the deep bonds formed, the happy reunions, and the bittersweet goodbyes that come with fostering.

If you’ve ever considered fostering or want to hear an inspiring story of compassion, resilience, and family, this episode is for you.

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk

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Helen:

Hello and welcome to this episode of Voices of Fostering. Thank you so much for joining us now today. We've got a couple coming back to the podcast. It's lovely to have you back with us. Welcome David and Rachel. Hi Helen. Thank you for having us again. Hi guys. Oh, thank you so much for coming on because I know that your lives are quite busy, aren't they? Tell us how many children and young people you have in your household.

David:

We have eight young people in our, our school. Wow. And kidding. Birth children and kids that we foster. So yeah, it's busy.

Helen:

It's under 17, you know? Wow. So it's a very, very busy household. Um, so yeah, you've got three birth children and then you've got five foster children living with you at the moment, haven't you? So just remind us about your background and, and how long you've been fostering for. So we've been fostering for

Rachael:

five years, over five years now. Um, my background was with early years and working with young children and Davids was with seals in concrete and mortar and just shows you don't have to have a background with children to do foster care. Yeah. Um, so that's what we did before and.

Helen:

Sorry, what was the next part of your question? Yeah, just how you sort of got into fostering.'cause obviously, you know you had three, you've got three birth children. What was it that made you think, you know what, we've not got enough kids in the house, we need more. What was it that made you think that?

David:

Well, we've been very blessed. We've been nearly build our own house right in the company site, which we always wanted to do. And we were quite involved with church work, both of us, before we even met each other. And we always had a love for kids and especially children who were really slightly disadvantaged. And um, yeah, I think that just there always was a care for other kids, other children, basically. Yeah.

Rachael:

Yeah, we, we both had experience working with children who maybe needed left home from youth scripts and things that, you know, had to wait till mommy's partner left the home or vice versa and things. And they chatted to us about their problems and, um. We always had that in the back of our mind, even before we had room to take more children in. We always had it been something we thought about, but our house wasn't big enough. And then when we did have a house that was big enough, we thought about it again and we thought it would be quite difficult, you know, because we've heard all these schools ideas that it's very difficult to become a foster care and they're very strict about it and everything. But we signed up for it and.

Helen:

We got past. Yeah. And in in particular, you guys have been quite vocal about how you really enjoyed the assessment process, didn't you?

David:

Yeah. I probably found out more about workshop than I ever knew about her going through the process. Nothing great. And think the same about me. Um, it's, it's quite going through your. You go into things quite depth. In depth, you know, to go through every part of your life from you were

Helen:

a child, a

David:

child basically right through until now and there's no stone unturned. Um, and yeah, for us,

Rachael:

quite a good thing. And it's quite interesting and that's because the children have to be kept safe. But we, our process was through Kindercare Foster Agency and they were. Brilliant. And it was an enjoyable process. And they have all these, you know, it's basically a big bit they make about your life. Yeah. But it's very interesting and, and getting some no feedback from friends from a long time ago and things, it's actually very nice process we find.

Helen:

Suppose. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And David, you said you, you learned things about Rachel. Do you, did you find that it was quite a bonding exercise for you both then?

David:

Definitely, definitely. And I think it definitely the whole process brought us closer together. There's no doubt about that. You know, because I was finding out things were great, so about things that maybe upset her or you know, whenever she was being brought up and things I didn't even know about and I was able to connect with those things and talk about them and yeah, it was for us, it definitely was. It was a very nice journey.

Rachael:

Yeah, but it was good for our whole family, for our birth children too, because obviously we wouldn't have started our journey to foster if they weren't happy to, and we had to make sure they were happy. And then along the, the way you watch videos and train videos from the foster agency, and they were very. Beneficial and our youngest child, and they say, we'll ever forget one of those videos. He says, mommy, I'm so glad you don't drink alcohol all the time, you know, and give me a big hug. And he says, you're such a good mommy. And I thought, oh, you know, we haven't even started it yet, but he's, it's opening his eyes to see, you know, that he's actually, his parents aren't too bad

Helen:

to start off with, you know? Do you think guys that sometimes. People can be a little bit daunted by the assessment process, as you said. You know, they don't leave a stone unturned and there's a reason for that. But I think sometimes people might exclude themselves. They might think, oh, well there's this that happened in my past, or, you know, maybe that would exclude me. You think people sometimes can be a little bit over worried and actually when you work through it all, a lot of things are okay.

David:

Yeah, I, I don't think it's defined fault with anybody. Um, I think it's more. You know, obviously whenever these we kids, children are left off at your house, the social workers go and you're just left with them and. The process has to be such that the social workers and the, the, the agency that you're with need to know all about you. Yeah. And where you come from, what your background is. And it's not that they're trying to catch you out or find something wrong. If there is something on your past, they'll help you be able to work through it and, and discuss it and work out a way around it or something like that. But I don't think they're trying to cast people out as such.

Rachael:

Definitely not. It's just to make sure the children are safe and if there is something in someone's past that they maybe think, oh, that very thing could be something that might bond you with a wee child who's been through a similar experience. So sometimes people suppose we can be our own worst enemies in our head, or we just need to think about the children. Yeah.

Helen:

And you say, you know, these children arrive at your home and quite often they, they are traumatized. They have been through difficult things. What, what is that like, what's that like trying to, to be there for a child when they're in that sort of state?

David:

It's very difficult because they may have just literally been taken in a police car from their parents' house and their. Emotionally distraught. Um, I, I think suppose you can just only be there for them and just, you know, have food for them. Have a, a nice warm bed for them and, and just be there. And if they need to. Well, they never really come for a hug straight away, but if, if they need anything at all, you're there for them to support them and help them and talk to them. And what do you think, Liz?

Rachael:

It's just, yeah. Uh, I just took immediately have these images flashing into my mind of when children have been, um, brought for the first time. And what we like to have is we package on their bed like Rebox with a face cloth and toothbrush and maybe. Packet of sweets and with things to make them, you know, free welcome. So, um, it's just trying to find out as much as you can about the children before you come. They come, sometimes you can't, but just being, being there to being feel safe. Yeah. And come across and as calm way as, as you can that. They're already very scared and traumatized. So you, you want them to, you want to adjust that as much as possible for a Yeah, I thing

David:

I, I saw on a, at a training, uh, one day, it was actually through the, through the, the, the child's eyes. And it was actually from, uh, a child we had being in foster care, and he was describing what it was like taking away from his parents and then being brought into foster care. And, and the one thing that. Struck him as soon as he came through the door of the Foster Care's house, they had a big list of rules of what he had to abide by. And his view on it was, I can break this one, I can do this, I can do this. And it's made us realize that whenever the kids come, it's not setting down a bank of rules. It's, here's what you can do, here's what you can't do. It's let them express themselves as much as. You feel they can and then gently bring in the boundaries and where they can and can't go. So yeah.

Helen:

Yeah. There's not much place can go in our No, no, it could work. Work. I think it's interesting what you said before, David, as well about, you know, give them a hug, but actually maybe they're not ready for that. I suppose it's about going at their pace, isn't it?

David:

The first set of, um, uh, the, the first set of twins that we had, um, it was probably three months before one of the, uh, one of the children hugged me. Uh, it was quite hard for me because they, they hugged Rachel up pretty much from the very word go, but I was just there for them. Um, and actually what happened one morning, one of them actually asked for a, I think it was widows or whatever it was, and name made the wheeler bikes. By a mistake, and I literally go down beside them on my knees and said, you know what? I'm really sorry. I'm made of a mistake. She just reached out her arms and gave me a really big hug and said, you know what? It's okay. I almost cried. I couldn't believe it. Yeah. That this is how she just was reaching out me to give me a hug. You tell me it was okay that I had made a mistake. Yeah. And then from then on they both decided they wanted to hug me pretty much every day and every night before they go to bed. So yeah, I was, I came down to Rachel actually in tears. Think it was so nice.

Helen:

Yeah. And, and seeing that progress, Rachel, that must feel amazing, you know, to see those little steps really come to fruition.

Rachael:

Yeah. It really is like the hug sit Jason from not hugging at all to giving grip Big hugs. Yeah. Any time and even. Other professionals that come in to see the children, can't understand them at the start. And then after we've got them speech therapy or whatever, they come back, they're like, oh my goodness, I can't believe the difference. I understand that child now. And you think, well, yeah, really they have progressed. Sometimes you don't notice because you're with them every day. But looking back and, and other people tend to notice as well too, the difference that you're making maybe before. You notice yourself, but it is really lovely looking back to see Yeah. How far they've come on and how much they've benefited.

Helen:

Yeah. And we talk a lot on the podcast about, you know, birth children and, and how you sort of blend your family together. What, what's it been like with your three birth children?'cause you have three birth children, you've got five foster children with you at the moment, you know, what's that been like, sort of blending them together?

David:

It has its difficulties and how obviously has its, uh, has its rewards too. At the start, uh, the first few weeks, it was a great ly. They really enjoyed it. They really loved it. And then very quickly it was just, oh, these children are invading our space. But then after we, while everything just migrated fine, everything was great, and then we actually went on holiday. Uh, this year to Spain took everybody with us and we were debating whether we should take the baby with us or not, because she was quite, quite young and our oldest daughter said, well, the baby's not going. I'm not going. So we've had to make a way to get everybody to go with us to Spain. So yet,

Rachael:

yeah, I would say with our birth children and the foster children coming in. The little boys look up to the big boys and the We girls look up to the big girls. Yeah. And they just want to be like each other, and they get on just like any family would. You know, they have their tiffs, but underneath they really love each other and they would be devastated when they're far from each other for too long. They really miss each other. So it's a lovely relationship. Oh, that's amazing. It's just a spot I'm like.

Helen:

Yeah. Incredible. And do you feel like you are really supported by your agency? You know, you've got very, very busy lives, lots of children, lots of things to manage. Do you feel like there's always help and support there if you need it? Yeah, definitely we

David:

can. Kindcare Fostering has been amazing from the very, very start. They have been there to support, help and like Anna, uh, would be our social worker. She is on with us pretty much every day. One thing or another, and there's support there all the time. No matter what it is you need. And there's a, a, our social worker is not, there's people in the office to speak to. The, the support is just fantastic.

Rachael:

There's somebody there 24 7, but they've got like a toddler group started. They've got coffee mornings for other foster cares to meet up and talk. I love going to these and,

David:

and then I think they started a new thing now for, uh, the actual birth children to meet up as well. Um, for the birth children to come in and talk about their experiences and what it's like to have, uh, you know, foster children in their home, and then what it's like whenever those children leave and things like that. So think that's really, really positive too.

Rachael:

Yeah. We, we definitely can't speak highly enough. Yeah. Quite our foster agency, even on the lack of, it's great to have the support of your own social worker there. Do you know, somebody's always got your back. It's, yeah,

David:

I think that's important. That is very important. Yeah. That's really good to

Helen:

hear. So what are the ages that you've got with you at the moment then of the, of the five, uh, foster children that you've got in your care? We have two

Rachael:

at two age. 10. Two are age seven, and one is was two last week.

David:

So it's two sets of twins.

Helen:

Mm-hmm. Wow. Wow. Amazing. And, and am I right in saying you had a, a baby who was two days old? Is that the 2-year-old that you've got with you now? No, no. That was different. That right. Okay. So you had a, a 2-year-old baby, uh, a two day old baby come and live with you. What was that like? She was so tiny.

Rachael:

She was only just five pounds and our three birth children were all like 10 pounds massive babies. So yeah, we. It was very precious, obviously, but it's amazing. A huge responsibility, but it was lovely and very well, obviously, you're up through the night like you would be with. Any leave baby two days before. It's

David:

nice 'cause it's not your own child, so you don't have the same, you don't have the same pain and tiredness that you would've had, you know, for Rachel having her own child. Yeah. You know, we had more energy and Lovely

Rachael:

actually because you have the like absolute joy of a newborn baby, but you don't have to be pregnant. That's just work going through the labor. But she was. Gorgeous. And we still have a really great relationship with that wee baby. Now she got to go back to her mommy. Her mommy did really well and worked really hard and I had a communication book with her that we wrote to each other in, and we still get photographs and we still meet up with them twice a year at least. At least

David:

twice a year. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

Rachael:

And it's lovely the relationship that's developed out of that and with the grandparents too. It's just That's

David:

lovely. It really is brilliant.

Rachael:

A lovely, happy ending. And, and our children are keen to find out about her too and, and how she's getting on and everything. So, no, it was very special and lovely. But they're all special on our, like the 2-year-old we have at the minute. It's just adorable too. So we'll be very sad when she leaves, but she's a pill.

Helen:

Yeah. So I know you two are really quite passionate about spreading the word about foster care, aren't you? Because, you know, there, there aren't enough foster carers. Tell us how you feel about that.

David:

Ah, it's just so sad to see so many children, um, in need of a placement, and there's just not enough foster carers to take them on. And it, it's hard bragging and you know, it's not these children's fault, you know, every child deserves a home. Every child deserves. A warm bed they sleep in and and food with their homies and to be loved. And there's hundreds of children out there don't have that privilege. And it's just absolutely heartbreaking, isn't it? Right. So

Rachael:

it's devastating that, yeah. People don't realize, they probably see things flashing up on Facebook. There's a crisis. It really is a crisis. There's little children who you're having to go home with social workers or they just don't have anywhere to go and it's. It's tragic that it's happening in our country that you think is quite well developed. There's children who their circumstances are so dire they, they just can't be with their family that they're. They've been living with and it's tragic and it really, we just wish we could have like big, huge, flat in lights and, you know, all over everywhere really. We wish, sure we could get more people encouraged to do it.

David:

And it's hard enough for a, a child being taken away from their home environment and being brought to one. New family, but for that child to go to one home, maybe stay a night or two nights, instead they move to another home, to then move to another home and just have no stability at all. It's just, it's just heartbreaking. For that, that would

Rachael:

just be because maybe it's. An emergency, there's nowhere else for them to go and they can only get two nights in one place and then have to move to another. That's why we try our best to try and talk to as many people as possible, you know? Would you ever think about it and yeah. Know there are lots of positives about the Yeah. Do enjoy it.

Helen:

Yeah, so if anybody was watching or listening now that's maybe you know, on the edge and they're thinking about it, you know, how would you encourage them to go for it?

Rachael:

Just don't think about it. Go for it. There's still children out there who need you and you know you would love them so much and they need your love. So go for it.

David:

As fast as you think, the harsh real they of life today is, it's all about me and, and we can be. Very selfish and wanting things for ourselves and, and making sure we're okay ourselves, but really there's lots of weak kids out there that really need your love and really need your support and really need to be part of your home. Yeah. Um, I even just played with anybody who has a spare bedroom, please. Just consider, go, even just go through the process, see if you're approved. And if you are, well then, you know, you can decide whether you want to do it or not. Um, I would, I would, I would just beg for people to do that.

Rachael:

Mm-hmm.

Helen:

Yeah. And I, and I think really in helping others, there's a lot of benefit for ourselves, isn't that? Mm-hmm.

Rachael:

Definitely. It's. Oh, just the feeling of them coming up to you and giving you a big hug. And sometimes I get little cards, hand made far. I love you, mommy, with a big heart on it and a big picture of me inside it and them, and it's just, there's nothing like it. You know? They're, it's genuine love that they're giving back to you and you know, they don't have to. No. And if they don't, that's up to them. But it's just. There's nothing beats the feeling of knowing that you have made them feel safe and feel loved, and they're happy to come up and either give you a hug or tell you their problems and talk about what's going on, and it's just. You just think, oh, when you're going to bed, I know we've helped them today. You know, it's such a nice feeling knowing that you've made even a tiny little difference in somebody's life.

Helen:

Well, I think that's a lovely point to end on. So thank you so, so much David and Rachel for taking some time out of your busy day. You've got eight children in your house, I'm sure you've got lots of stuff to do. So thank you so much for talking to us and uh, yeah, hopefully we'll catch up again soon.

David:

Yeah,

Helen:

yeah. Thanks guys.

David:

All the best. Bye.

Helen:

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering group and make this the year you foster.