Voices of Fostering

Derek - 29 Kids and Counting

• National Fostering Group • Season 4 • Episode 14

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Join us in this heartwarming episode of Voices of Fostering as we sit down with Derek, a dedicated foster carer who, along with his wife Carol, has been fostering for nearly 20 years. Derek shares their journey, challenges, and the rewarding moments of fostering 29 children over the years. Discover the motivations behind their commitment, their experiences with various children, and their thoughts on the importance of fostering. Get inspired by their unwavering dedication and the positive impact they've had on countless lives.

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

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Helen:

Hello and welcome to this episode of Voices of Fostering. Today I am joined by one of our lovely foster carers. Uh, please welcome Derek. Hello, Derek.

Derek:

Hi.

Helen:

Hi Derek. Thank you so much for joining us today. So Derek, I believe you've been fostering with your wife, Carol for quite a long time, haven't you? We talking 19 years, is that right? Yeah.

Derek:

20 years next year. Yeah.

Helen:

Wow. Yeah. So if you take us back to 20 years ago, what was it that that made you and Carol want to become foster carers?

Derek:

I, well, it was CAD Carol more than me, firstly. Um, but I think probably being a young dad and a young granddad at such in early age, which, you know, we always had kids, always. Um, and I think it was just a natural progression. I mean. Carol always, always fancied herself, you know, doing foster care and as I say, in circumstances with me working self-employed and it was getting a bit, a bit sticky. Um, I joined her, uh, and that was that. Really. But I think it is, it was, like I say, it was a natural progression, as I say.'cause at that time we, we both grandparents early an early age, and we were, we were parents at a really early, early age. So we've never been without kids. I mean, we've got. 15 now. Grandkids, great grandkids. Wow. Um, so it's just one of things, isn't it? You know? We enjoy kids.

Helen:

And I think Derek, the fact that there are children who unfortunately find themselves in the, in the, the care system is something we're all aware of, but maybe it's not something that we all think too much about. Was it something that you've, you've always been aware of and maybe wanted to help with?

Derek:

Yeah, definitely. You know, I mean, we consider ourself lucky really in that respect with, with, with kids. Um, and. Looking after and loving, caring for. So it just, it just came natural to us. And you know, when, when you get the back, the backstory without these kids, it's, it's, you know, we heartfelt really, uh, with them and, and it, it was just a natural thing. We don't see any different, uh, uh, you know, they, they're part of us and, and our family, and they move on. You know, some, probably a lot sooner than others. And, and it, and it's just, it's just been that way for the last 19, 20 years. Yeah. And, you know,

Helen:

so if you can try, remember back to like 19, 20 years ago when you went into your assessment process. Can you remember what it was like and, and how you felt at the very beginning?

Derek:

Um, there was no issues really. I mean, we, we had a rough idea, I think. One of Carol spends was fostering, I can't remember now. And so we, we, you know, we knew more or less, I mean, obviously the scenarios we were getting with kids in care was nothing like we had with our own. And that was, you know, that was a big thing. Um, not that we didn't expect it. I mean, we knew right away that, you know, they, the kids are here, but a reason and, and, and we deal with it. And, but, but it's been that much over the years. Absolutely different scenarios. Um, with, with kids. Really eye openers, uh, a lot of the things, um, and, you know, we consider ourselves with, with our kids, we, we look at real, real, excuse me, that everything's been fine. So we've adapted with, with the children that we've had, um, as I say, and you look back and you probably think, well, okay, first couple of years, may, I should have done that this way a little bit. I mean, no criticism, but I think you do that anyway. Um, but now, um, as I say, we've, we've gone through really every scenario with children in every aspect. So there's nothing really surprises. There's all jock. Yeah. It's just unfortunate there's still plenty of kids coming into care. Yeah. That's the, you know, that's the issue, isn't it? And you can't get, you know, foster care. Well, they find it difficult, I think, aren't they?

Helen:

And can you remember Derek, the, the first child or young person who came to live with you? Can you remember them?

Derek:

Yeah. Brothers, two brothers. Um, mum was having big issues, um, not, you know, associated with the wrong people and, and, and they came into care and, uh, we had them I think probably about 12, 18 month, and then they moved on to, I think. Adoption, if I'm right, thinking. Uh, so we've had different scenarios. They're going, some kids are gone back to mom, some are gone in long-term care, some are gone up for adoption. So we've done the adoption route. Um, we've kept in touch with plenty of children. It's, you know, they've grown up now and had their own kids, so that's good, you know, um, but it's an eye-opener, isn't it? You know? I mean, for me it was anyway.'cause I say I was in a building trade and, you know, uh. W some of the situations and the scenarios, um, that you look back on, it's part and parcel, but of why, you know, we are where we are. But, um, I wouldn't swap it a hundred percent. I really, we both do. We really enjoy it. We've got a little, little, little fellow with us now. There's only two, you know, so we're still doing it. Um, they wanted us to carry on so. I said, yeah, we will do.

Helen:

Yeah. So how many children have you had live with you over the 19 years and, and who have you got with you now?

Derek:

Yeah, we've had, we've had a 20, about 29 kids. 29. Wow. Yeah. We was doing, we was working how many the other night? Me and Carol. That, and you'd always remember the first couple. Yeah. And then, you know, we started, well, hang on a minute. Do you write Oh yeah. So we write that down. Go through though. So we, we've come up with, we come up with 29, we've double checked. We make sure we've not missed any. Uh, and it is, yeah, it's moment in time have 29 kids,

Helen:

and when you've had 29 foster children live with you over, you know, nearly 20 years, are there, are there some that, you know, obviously you'll always remember but you don't speak to anymore? Or are there some that you still speak to? You say some have went on to have their own families, you know, has your network become quite big?

Derek:

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we, we, we, we see, funny enough, we're gonna see the, the, um, four kids next, next week when have a meal with, with those. So, I mean, not all obviously, um, I'd say probably about 30, 40% of them, um. They've all been pretty successful, you know, in that respect. And as I say, the different scenarios, long-term care, uh, adoption, we still see them, um, uh, a case where the grandparents have come and took the kids. We still see them. So it's, it's, um, you know, they're all different, different things. But we do see the majority of them. Um. And they, not our kids who I grew up with, them social media, you know what it's like, we are not on it, but it's like, oh, you know, they remember them. And so I, I was your, I was, you know, uh, your mum and dad and your now granddad, you know, you know, because they grew up, now, you know, they're in the thirties and forties. So I've gone up kids. So it's, um, it's good. I to say I wouldn't swap it. I bloody did it to be honest.

Helen:

Yeah. And in your everyday life, Derek, when people find out that you are a foster carer, what sort of reaction do you get?

Derek:

Yeah. Well, it's, it's usually a couple. It's either, oh, I don't know. You do it. Mm. You know, uh, oh, you, oh, you I couldn't do it. Yeah. You're amazing. I think so. Well, you could, you know, you could do it. I, it's, it's not, I always tell myself, look, it's great. It's rewarding. I I wouldn't have swap it. Uh, you know, we're glad we did it, but it's not for ev everyone and it isn't, you know, because you, you're dealing with stuff that you think, wow, you know, you're not lucky here. And, uh, uh, some probably could, couldn't. That ample stuff, you know, that, that you hear about with, with kids. But yeah, you know, they didn't care for a reason, aren't they? And some of it's not very, very good. Um, but as I say, we've dealt with it and the end of the day it's not, it's not the kids' fault, you know, it's never their fault really. It's, it's just a shame that, you know, there's still plenty, plenty of kids out there.

Helen:

And when you do have those difficult scenarios, Derek, as you say, you know, children come into care sometimes for, for not very nice reasons, and obviously you, you learn about that and you have to deal with that. Do you feel that there's a lot of support for you?

Derek:

Uh, I mean, there's only you, you, you know, the basic support isn't what you get, and that's always been there. Like, you know, we're here at the end of a, uh, end of a phone if you need us or stuff like that, but really it's, there's not a great deal that it, it can be done. It it's really down to you to, yeah. To sort it. Between you and Carol

Helen:

are suppo suppose, but we just got

Derek:

on with it, you know, we don't, you know, and plot it. We've just done it, you know, took the kids home, make sure they're all right and looked after them. And that's what we've done. You know? You know, that's, that's our job.

Helen:

And you talk about the tough parts of it, but what have been the really positive parts? Derek, what would you say is your favorite part of fostering? Oh,

Derek:

I, I think gonna see like next week, four kids that we had for four years. You know, and it's brilliant and, and keeping in touch and seeing how well they've done and moved on and been, you know, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've grown and a lot, you know, a lot of the cases and, and, and, and, you know, done something with their lives and, you know, we like to say it was part of that, you know, and, uh, and it is, it is just, is, it is rewarding. Hundred percent. As I say, it's not for everybody. And I, I always say that, but we can, you know, I, I. I'm really glad that, that, that we've, we've done and Carol's the same, you know, it's, it's one of them, but it's not for everybody. I will say that. But if it is, then, you know, it's great. It really is rewarding

Helen:

and I imagine you can't really imagine your life without it now.

Derek:

Well, without Kate, as I say, was a, I was a dad at 17. Um, you know, I've been married for 50 odd years now, and granddad's 35, so. Kids, you know, we've always had kids, always. Every, every foster kid, they've just slot it in. They've been part of the family. They've never alienated. They're part of uss, you know, and that's the thing. And then you can see that in them. You can see that, you know that. That they blossomed.

Helen:

Yeah. And

Derek:

moved on eventually. And then That's great. That's really good to see.

Helen:

And has fostering spread at all within your family, Derek? Like sometimes you find that, well, you know, the kids go on to foster as well. Has that happened with you guys?

Derek:

No, not as such. I mean, our eldest said she's our nominated carer. Yeah. So every child that we've had, and uh, if we ever needed respite, we go, maybe go out once a month or something like that. And she, she's, she's looked at, so she's seen loads of kids. Yeah. You know, she's come with Under Journey with us. She's got her own children and the other daughter, her, another son. So they've all been integrated into it all, you know.

Helen:

And do you think she might become a foster carer herself? I've

Derek:

always said it. It's not. It's not. It's a partner. It's Chris is, um, is, he loves his golf and he loves his, you know, his, his own stuff. Uh. You know, he loves the kids, but you know, we either leaving behind, you know? Yeah. I say it's not for everybody, is it? It is what it is with it. And I say, and we, we just love doing it. And, uh, they say we might continue whether it will, as I say, we've been, as I say, this year, they, you know, they said, what us to carry on, would we carry on? We feel up to it, feel okay, you know? Yeah. Feel fit enough to do it. So.

Helen:

And can you, can you see yourself finishing anytime soon or,

Derek:

I don't. Well, we get asked that funny enough, and that, you know, Carol always says, well, um, we'll, we'll see you next year and then you get a phone call, don't you? You know, we've got this little boy here, it's only two and then it just starts again. Right. Okay. No problem. You know. We've always got, you know, the grand, if the, the grandkids are all grown up. Now. I've got great grandkids. They're only young guy, but we have, they do stay if there's no foster care at any stay. As I said, they're all, they all, we all mucking together.

Helen:

And what do you think it is, Derek that keeps you continuing to do it?

Derek:

I just love it. I enjoy doing that. I said, you know, kids looked after and happy and they are, you know, not when they come, but when they leave. That'll do me

Helen:

well, that is a beautiful point to end on. So thank you so much, Derek. Thank you so much for speaking to us today, and best of luck with the future.

Derek:

I am, I at be comfort zone doing this, but I, I thought it was okay. Anyway, thank, you've been

Helen:

amazing, Derek. Thank you.

Derek:

Thank you.

Helen:

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering Group and make this the year you foster.