Voices of Fostering

Lloyd and Mary - Transferring to National Fostering Group

• National Fostering Group • Season 4 • Episode 5

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Join us in this episode of Voices of Fostering as we speak with foster carers Lloyd and Mary about their journey since transferring to National Fostering Group. Discover what inspired them to start fostering, the challenges they've faced, and how their past careers influenced their decision. Learn about their experiences fostering children with specific needs, the support they received, and the importance of the matching process. Gain insights and advice for potential foster carers, and hear about the rewarding and life-changing impact fostering has had on Lloyd and Mary's lives.

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk

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Helen:

Welcome to this episode of Voices of Fostering. Today I'm joined by two of our lovely carers who have transferred to the National Fostering Group, and we're really looking forward to hearing about their story and why they choose, chose to do that. So, welcome Lloyd and Mary. Hi guys. Hi. Thank you. Hello. So you guys haven't been fostering for too long. It's just over a year now, isn't it? Since April, 2024. But it was in February that you decided to, um, to, to come to the National Fostering Group. But firstly, what was it that that attracted you to fostering? Why did you decide to do it? Um,

Mary:

I, I've been wanting to foster for over, over 25 years now. Um, when I was in Ireland, I was teaching in a disadvantaged area and a lot of the children were neglected. And obviously, you know, it, it was quite obvious with their physical appearance and I always felt I should be doing more, but it, it, so it was only last year really that I felt I was in a position to properly do it. Um, so I asked Lloyd, can you know. Um, fostering was a good idea and he thought I was joking. He thought we were too old. Um, so we, that was the first question we asked. Are we too old? And they said no. So we started our post journey September, 2023. And here we are

Helen:

today. Because that's the thing, isn't it, Mary? It might be something that people have thought about for a long time, but it's, it's not always the right time, is it? You know, you're waiting for the sort of stars to align and for it to feel like the right time. So what were your careers before fostering?

Lloyd:

So, for me, oh, was at Air Force. Oh wow. Uh, I was in the Air Force for 10 years. Uh, went all over the world with them. Some places are better than others. Um, and from the Air Force I went offshore, so I was on the oil rigs. Yeah. Uh, initially as a radio operator and then into the logistics and, um, material side of it. So that was quite good. I enjoyed that.

Helen:

And what about yourself, Mary? What was your career?

Mary:

Um, I, I did loads of different things, quite honestly. Yeah. But the, the one I enjoyed most was the teaching. I was teaching art in Ireland, but when I came to scoffed. Um, I, I just went for sort of jobs like, you know, waitressing, stuff like that, and eventually I. In 2021, I opened up my own gardening business due to demand locally, and I've been doing that since.

Helen:

Oh, wow. So you still do that alongside fostering now?

Mary:

I, I, I thought I could, but actually at the moment I don't have the time, so I, I did explain to all my customers that the possibly would be a gap. Yeah. And you feel free to go get somebody else, but, um, yeah, I thought I, I, I might be able to put it in maybe in September.

Helen:

Okay. So Mary, you said that fostering was something that you'd thought about for, for many years, and then you, you know, you put the idea to Lloyd. So how did that go, those, those conversations?

Lloyd:

Well, I thought she was actually joking 'cause she had said in past that, uh, when she was teaching, she, uh, and affinity with the children and, uh, basically she wanted to take them all home. Yeah. She was reminded by her head, Mrs. That, uh. You can't do that. They're not yours. You can't take them home. Um, so yeah, it didn't take too long. It was a prolonged conversation. Mm-hmm. Uh, she said that she was serious and, uh, we look into it and my first reaction was, well, okay, but we told, you know, I'm 60. And Mary's 21 with a few months added on. No seriously thought they'd turn, say thanks, but no thanks. But, uh, they extended strategy and uh, we thought, okay, we'll go for it.

Helen:

Yeah. So as you say, you thought you were too old and you're absolutely not. What, what were some of the other reservations that you had? Did you have any other worries that, that, you know, you sort of put to them and said, oh well we can't do it because of this or that, you know, can you remember?

Mary:

No, I think that was, that was the main worry. That was the main

Helen:

one.

Mary:

Yeah. I don't think we actually had, 'cause we, you know, we are quite stable in everything around us and you know. We didn't, we, we were in a very, very good position, uh, financially and, you know, every other way. So we, we were in a position to offer children a home. We, we were, well it's a four bedroom house, but one of the rooms is an office now, so. Oh,

Lloyd:

it was my office.

Mary:

Yeah, it was, so that's funny working from home during the pandemic. Um, but we had. At least two bedrooms available. So, you know, we, we didn't have any difference. Well, there's

Lloyd:

the, the only other concern I had was, uh, we've been talking about trying over to Portugal and we thought, well, can't really do that with foster children. But what we, what they end up doing is, uh, it's called interim whereby we can take them for to two years. So it wasn't gonna be, uh, weren't gonna have to change our world in that sense. But it's been put way, way in the future now. And basically, oh

Helen:

gosh. Don't tell her. And I think that's important to note, isn't it? That you know, there is flexibility there. You can talk to your agency and, you know, describe what your life's like and how things have to fit in and, you know, so they're all things that can be addressed, aren't they? Yes. So you, you started fostering just over a year ago with a different agency. So. What led you to transfer to the National Fostering Group?

Mary:

I think one of, one of the things was that the other agency we were with is, was quite small and it wasn't very established up in where we are. So we found that, um, there's another cost care that we know locally. And she was saying that Nas, national Fostering Group were very well established. She told us about everything they had for support and. It sounded like we, we needed more support than we were able to get, so we transferred. But that was probably literally the only reason that we transferred is because we just felt that the support wasn't there just yet because the other agency was that bit smaller.

Lloyd:

And the girl that we did foster, she was a, uh, level three autistic. Um, and she did need, we did need a lot of support. Um, yeah, we never dealt with an autistic child. Well, level 3 24 7. Uh, we have a granddaughter that's level three, and yet we meet her and sort of play with her two, three hours and, and back to mum. It's a whole different kettle fish. We look after her for 24 hours.

Helen:

Mm-hmm.

Lloyd:

Um, Mary found out that, uh, you know, this young lady. Decided that she wanted get in the car, and this lasted quite some time, but getting into a car. So we need a lot of support. The agency just been giving to us. They tried, um, but it just run that very well locally.

Helen:

Okay. So we talk a lot about what the process is like for new carers, you know, joining the national fostering group, doing the assessment. But what's the process like for transferring from another agency to to NFG? Can you, can you tell us what that was like?

Mary:

I think the, the initial process is very intense. It's very intrusive. Um, you, it's a bit daunting because you have to go right back into your own past birth. Basically, but when you transfer, you all the hard work is done. So you've already done your, you know, all of the, the work that you need to, but you just have to transfer it to the next agency. So transferring is actually a lot easier. Right.

Helen:

So you, you don't have to do the assessment again then.

Lloyd:

Oh, you do, you, you go through the same, exactly the same process. Right. Okay. But you have all the information there from your. Previous foster agency. Yeah, so just, um, I won't say copy and paste that, that's a bit flippant, but, uh, it's taken over. They go through it and they make the assessments on that. They come and see you just as many times now. Uh, Leanne, um, our assessor just in house quite a lot asking all the same questions as the previous crowd, but, uh, 'cause we've got it all in place. It went a lot smoother, a lot quicker. Right, because you knew what to expect.

Helen:

Yeah. So what's your, since you've been with the National Fostering Group now, what's your experience with them been like?

Mary:

Excellent. Um, we, quite honestly, we, we were started doubting our ability as carers to begin with when we were with the other agency, and we weren't a hundred percent sure then, so we lost a bit of confidence in our ability to care. So when we transferred, of course it was another. Opportunity for us to see if it was for us. And we're, we're absolutely delighted with everything that's happened since February. Yeah. Um, so yes, we, it's, it's been, it's been a fantastic journey with National Fostering Group, um, since we've been with them.

Helen:

So tell us about the children and young people that you've cared for so far then. Um, and, and what the circumstances around, uh, them have been. Well, uh, the, like Lloyd was saying, the first

Mary:

girl, she had a lot of, um, you know, she needed a lot of support. Yeah. Um, so that, that was the, a very difficult situation for all of us to deal with because we, we didn't feel we had the support that we needed. Um, so we had her for four months with us, and, um, then we, we had to give up the placement due to the intensity of the placement. Um, and, but. At that point we had already decided that we were going to change

Helen:

Yeah.

Mary:

To NFG. Um, and when we passed in February, um, I think we, we were only about a week and a half and we got a phone call and we, na two absolutely adorable sisters with us. Um, they're eight and 10, and. I mean, they've just brought so much like into the house, literally.

Lloyd:

So we, we can't give their names, but Oh yes. They're li alarm

Mary:

stitch. Li alarm stitch. Yeah. That's what you call them. Yeah. But, um, yeah, we, they, you know, since February these youngsters have been with us and, um. It, it's just been a wonderful journey. It's obviously we have on challenging times that, you know, um, but nothing that's not manageable. Yeah. And we like that. We do have an awful lot more support. Um, we haven't actually needed it really, um, but we know it's there and I think that makes a difference.

Lloyd:

Mary got a phone call. I was actually at work. Um, Mary got a phone call saying, um, we've got two young girls, uh, that are looking for an emergency, uh, placement. I. Who you take 'em tomorrow and, uh, mayor register it to me and with the previous, uh, company because they were not, uh, she wasn't an emergency placement as such. Know we had their profiles to read and Yeah. Read the pros and cons. These two was, uh, well, we don't know anything about 'em other than their names and their age. Yeah. Um. Okay. Yeah. Emergency for a week two. Yeah. Phone. We'll go for it. And, uh, they, they wore around the next day I was at work again. Um, came from work and, uh, hello. I'm Li Lou, you know, and, uh, hello. That was it. And Stitch Stitch.

Mary:

So yeah, it was, it was very fast and it, it was quite daunting the first day or two because obviously it, it just happened. Yeah, we were just, one minute. There was nobody here, and the next minute there was two youngsters with a soul. It's been nothing is,

Lloyd:

um, I think that it is been a, a great thing for the girls that, uh, Lisa and knew was your Lord. Sorry. Can't remember her name. They do the matching. Yeah. Whereas, yeah, we knew nothing about these girls, but they, they looked at them, looked at us. Uh, so yeah, they, we good match. And they did a austral job. Brilliant runs.

Mary:

Yeah. I thought, I think quite honestly, that's what it does come down to is the matching process. If it's, if it's good, everybody benefits from it. It means they, we all benefit from the ing. Yeah. A good match.

Helen:

Yeah.'cause I think it is important to know that it isn't just random, is it? Like they, they really do think about is this child or young person going to be suitable for, for this home and for these carers. Um, so you felt that your matching process was, was really good.

Lloyd:

Well, they proved there to be brilliant so far. Yeah.

Mary:

It, we, we just absolutely astonished at how, how good the matching process was really. Um, so yes, we're very, very happy. Well, we're very happy with the placement we have at the moment.

Helen:

Definitely. And for anyone who's not experienced it. Lloyd, can you, can you just describe the feelings that you go through when you are waiting for, you know, new children to, to come and live with you? Like how does that feel?

Lloyd:

Fear

Helen:

anything else?

Lloyd:

Yeah. Yeah. Put me back on a plate. So nasty. Yeah, fine. It was, um, was excitement and it was a case of, we dunno what again, we've not seen the girls not sort, um. We pray for one, the girls, we were excited to get it and it's worked out extremely well.

Helen:

Oh God and Mary, you know, you are now living out your, your lifelong dream really. You know, for 20 odd years you wanted to be a foster carer. It was never the right time. It is now, you know. How does it feel to, to be doing this role that you've always wanted to do it?

Mary:

It feels fantastic to have finally achieved it and I, I feel sometimes I'm. I feel myself, I'm too old. But for the most part it's, it's just absolutely amazing. And because it's been such a dream for such a long time, it's, it feels like I, I've finally achieved. Something that has meant so much to me for such a long time. So it's, yeah, it's, it's, it's happening. Amazing. And thankfully I've got this fantastic man with me to share it.

Lloyd:

Crazy.

Mary:

But yeah, I think the support, Lloyd support as well has made the difference. It has made this, um. You know, the, the fostering journey. Something that I can do with competence.

Helen:

Yeah. And what do you see for your future guys? You, how long do you see yourselves doing this for?

Mary:

We, honestly, I, we discussed this, but we, we actually don't know. We haven't even thought beyond not doing it at the moment. So I think for our foreseeable future. Is something we, yeah, just happens

Lloyd:

continue until such time as legs give in and

Mary:

Yeah. We constantly can't do it. So it has changed the way we see our future. We were, we were very busy trying to get away from here, but now we're fairly busy trying to stay and do the fostering, you know, so it has, it's, it's changed an awful lot about how we see things. So

Lloyd:

I say is we said, um, we're apparently trying to Portugal. Yeah. It's our, what's changed now?

Helen:

Yeah. Um, might put that off for a bit.

Lloyd:

Yeah. I'm happy to do so as well, you know?

Helen:

Yeah. So for anyone listening or watching, you know, considering being a foster carer, what advice would you give them?

Mary:

I think from my point of view, don't wait so long. Um, obviously you do feel have to feel it's the right time, but at the same time, and don't let too many obstacles stop you because you know, the, the fostering journey in itself, you get so much support with it and so much backup from, you know, the people around you. But it's something you can do. You know, with, again, I suppose it's just, just don't wait.

Lloyd:

The, uh, just it was, yeah. The assessor, um, you gotta do the assessment. They are intrusive. They've gotta be 'cause you're looking for your Yeah. Gotta

Helen:

see for a reason. Yeah.

Lloyd:

And so as long as you're honest and you'll, you will learn about yourself. Mm-hmm. I learned about Mary as well.

Helen:

Yeah, we, we, we actually are, we're

Lloyd:

still married. Eh, but I learned a lot.

Helen:

You know what, a lot of people say that, that it's quite a bonding experience in your relationship.'cause you learn a lot about yourselves and each other that you maybe weren't aware of before.

Mary:

I suppose that is one of the things that the, the journey just to get to, to holstering is a very, it's an eye-opener. Um, for, as Lloyd said, we learned a lot about ourselves and each other. We've never, ever have learned if we haven't done the fostering journey. But if you,

Lloyd:

if you are thinking of doing it, take the first step tomorrow. It's just a phone call or a click on a keyboard.

Helen:

Yeah, yeah. Reach out.

Lloyd:

Yeah. Do the first steps. Take you from there. See what transpires after you do that and take the next step you'll pull out at any time. But I think that once you start it, you'll realize, yeah, we can do this. Yeah.

Helen:

Oh, well, Lloyd and Mary, thank you so much for sharing your stories with us today. I've really, really enjoyed it. We really appreciate it, and best of luck with the future, whether it is here in the UK fostering lots of children, young people, or in Portugal, whatever happens. Best of luck and take care.

Lloyd:

All right, great. Thanks very much.

Helen:

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering Group and make this the year you foster.