Voices of Fostering

Tariq - Challenging Myths in the Muslim Community

• National Fostering Group • Season 4 • Episode 1

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Join us in this episode of Voices of Fostering as we talk to Tariq, a passionate foster carer with over 15 years of experience. Tariq shares his journey into fostering, influenced by his brother's long-term commitment, and the rewarding experiences of providing a loving home to vulnerable children, primarily from the Muslim community. 

Tariq also addresses the importance of raising awareness and encouraging more people, especially from diverse backgrounds, to consider fostering. 

Discover the challenges and the immense rewards that come with being a foster carer, and why a diverse group of foster carers is essential for meeting the needs of all children.

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk

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Helen:

Welcome along to this episode of Voices of Fostering, where today I am joined by another of our lovely foster carers. Uh, welcome to the podcast, Tariq. Hello Tariq.

Tariq:

Hi Ellen. You okay?

Helen:

Yeah. Thank you so much for joining us Tariq. So, um, firstly, uh, tell us about what, what you to fostering and, and, uh, how long you've been doing it.

Tariq:

Well, um, fostering has always been something I've kind of been thinking about. Uh, quite a lot because my brother has been a foster carer for about 15, 16 years. So I'd seen what he did, um, the kind of the enjoyment that he had brought to him, uh, and what he kind of put into helping children that are really vulnerable. So it was something that I really wanted to do, but it was, I suppose it was doing it, which was right for me at the right time, and whether I could give the. The appropriate commitment, uh, to making it work. Um, so yeah, fostering is something that I've always kind of had at the back of my mind, but I was just waiting for the right time, the right circumstances, uh, both in terms of my family and my, uh, professional, uh, workload. Uh, so yeah, it's something that I definitely wanted to do.

Helen:

And it's been, what, 15 years now that you've been fostering? Is that right?

Tariq:

Yeah, so I, I, I first start, I was approved in 2011, and I didn't really take a placement till about 2013 because like I said, it's not something that I didn't wanna rush into, and it had to be right for me in terms of my commitment to what I wanted to do. Um, so, uh, because I had a, I had a bit of a demanding job as well, so I thought, you know what? I just wait for the right opportunity and the right circumstance. So I wait a few years and. Obviously, I think in about 2014 I got my first placement, uh, which was a sibling of two. Um, and since then I've never really looked back. I've always had placements every year.

Helen:

Yeah. Right

Tariq:

up to 2025. So yeah, it's, um, very enjoying.

Helen:

And tell us a bit about your, your family unit then. Um, it's yourself and your wife and, and do you have, uh, birth children as well?

Tariq:

Yeah. So, um. It's me and my wife, and I've got two boys and two girls. Um, so, um, two of my siblings, the older ones are married. Um, so, and they've kind of, um, kind of moved on. But like I said, when I first started fostering, they were all living with us at home. Uh, and because it's been forcing 15 years since I've been on this journey. Uh, you know, my own two children, the eldest two, have gone off and had children of their own. They've got married and settled. Um, and so now I've got the two children at home. So, yeah. Um, my family really have always been, I. A FA fostering family. So we've all kind of been one unit that understood the concept of fostering. And often, you know, they, they help out in terms of the daily activities, uh, just looking after 'em, doing stuff together, going on holiday, going away, I. So, yeah, it's definitely a, a, a family oriented concept that we've got in terms of looking after children

Helen:

and, and tar you are quite passionate, aren't you, about challenging myths and, and misconceptions around fostering, particularly in the, in the Muslim community. So can, can you tell us a bit about that?

Tariq:

So, yeah, I mean, fostering within, uh, the Muslim communities. It's not, it's not something which is, I suppose it's more around awareness and education. Um, and, you know, it's about, uh, it's about giving something back to those people that, uh, are really vulnerable. I. That need your love and support. And, you know, the Muslim faith is all about those things, about giving something back, helping the most needed, helping the most vulnerable. And it's, it's something that, you know, there's a lack of awareness within the Muslim community around doing that. And we can do so much. But yet very little is known about the world of fostering and what it entails because, you know, people are thinking, well, hang on, um, if we get. A foster child and what happens if it doesn't work? What happens if we can't look after that child? You know, there's lots of measures in place for, to help people to overcome some of those issues, but yet I think because there's a lack of awareness, I. Around the whole concept of fostering, uh, people aren't really coming forward as much as they should, and especially is the, in this day and age now, there's so many people from diverse communities, especially young children who are going into care, but yet we haven't got the appropriate foster cares to meet those needs. So I think definitely, you know, we need to, um, do some campaign or some awareness where, you know, we. We kind of let people know what fostering is all about and apply of, of the children that are out there that, that need some love, some attention, a good family home. And I'm sure, I think for me, I think if we get that information out there and kind of promote the awareness, um, I'm sure we'll get a lot of, uh, people from not just the Muslim community, from a wide range of different communities coming forward. Yeah. To redo their bit. Uh, for the children that really need it the most.

Helen:

And, and why do you think, Tariq, that a diverse group of, of foster carers is so important?

Tariq:

Well, it's important because, for instance, if I've got two Muslim children and, you know, they, their identities of a Muslim background, then, you know, of course then if they, if, if, if, if they're placed with a Muslim family, then that Muslim family can give him. They require in terms of their identity. Uh, and you know, so things like, you know, Eid uh, fasting, they were the Muslim family. They can actually understand, you know, the true, the, the, the true reality of what it's like to to fast to to fast. But then they're Muslim family that are also doing that, but they live in a family that aren't fasting and that aren't Muslim. Then they're really missing on it, missing out on a big chunk of their identity.

Helen:

And you've had 10 children come to live with you, is that correct? Across your fostering journey? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And are there any particular children or young people that, that stand out to you that you could tell us about Tarek?

Tariq:

Well, I think they, I think they all stand out. Yeah. Uh, in their own way. Uh, 'cause they're all unique. And they're all special. Um, and like I said, I couldn't choose between any of them because like I said, they've all. Taken a lot of love from us. They've give us a lot of love. And you know, it's been such a journey, not just for them, but for us as foster carers, for what we've learned and what one thing, what we have learned is this. Every child is unique. Every child is special, and every child requires, um, love and attention and, you know, we've kind of taken so much from. You know, just providing them a home, which is safe, some love, um, you know, some comfort doing lots of enrichment activities with them, and it's just given us so much, it's made us better in terms of our life experiences. Um, so I couldn't really choose between any of them because like I said, uh, they're all so special and so unique in their own way. What I will say is, is we, even though. They've all moved, well, all of them apart from the one that we're looking after now, they're all, you know, have gone back, gone back to their families. Um, but we've all, we still maintain a special, unique relationship with 'em. And that's all, you know, we exchange gifts over Eid. They still come over, um, on the summer holidays or Easter. Just to come and have something to eat, uh, play in the garden, we go to the park with them. Um, and even things like weddings, you know, like we're inviting them so they still got such a special relationship with a, such a loving relationship that they don't wanna break that link with us. Yeah. So the experience of fostering has been something which is very positive for us.

Helen:

How does that feel, Tariq when you, you've created that bond and you know, you, they still want to stay in touch. How does that feel?

Tariq:

It feels that you're in a very cherished but loved position. Uh, and you know, you know, then deep down in your heart, even though you know you're not seeing those children as much as you want to, but you know that they, them, you've got that unique bond, that relationship, and you know that they can always pick up the phone. And say, you know, can we come over at Easter for something to eat? Or can we go to that park that we always used to go to for a walk every evening? Uh, and it's just about, you know, just having that link with 'em, saying, how are you getting at school? Um, you know, how you doing? Are you, have you joined a football club yet? Uh, you know, is there anything that I can help you with? Um, and you, you're just a sounding board for those children, you know, so that they can reach out to you and say, actually, yeah. Um, you know, I've changed goal, but I'm not really kind of settled yet, but here, how, how do I about making new friends and it's just about, you know, going over some of the stuff that you had with 'em when they first came to you. Yeah. It's about respects, tolerance. Having an open mind, so Yeah. Yeah. Even though the children do go to their own houses, it never ends in terms of your relationship with those individuals,

Helen:

and it sounds like you've had a really positive experience, um, in your fostering journey since 2011, but have there been challenges, Tarek?

Tariq:

Yeah, definitely. Look in fostering, um, no one day. Might be the same. Mm-hmm. Every day is a different day. Um, so, um, you're gonna have times where you're getting children replacing your care, who, you know, for whatever the, the, the reason is, is, you know, they've had a traumatic. Background because they've had a traumatic upbringing and they might have witnessed domestic violence, they might have witnessed a whole range of different things. But when they come to you, you know, it takes a bit of time for them to understand you and you understand them. There are gonna be, you know, kind of issues whether it's, you know, just things like understanding their routine and them understanding your routine. So there's a bit of a settling in period where, you know, you've gotta just, you know, be a bit patient and allow that trust. I. To kind of develop and yeah, so you know, some children, they might not be used to go going bed at eight o'clock or nine o'clock, or they might be used to staying at 11 o'clock because of their background, where they've come from. So it's about making sure that, you know, whatever measures you put in place, they negotiated and you try to get them to understand the reason behind that. Um, so yeah, there is gonna be ups and downs in fostering, but I think. The positives outweigh all the negatives. Um, and at the end of it, when that child has a big smile on their face and they give you a big hug every day, you know it's all worth it. You know, the bumps are worth it. Um, and so yeah, it definitely has got its ups and downs and like I said, posturing is not, you know. It can be a walk in the park, but then again, it can have its challenges and you've gotta be ready for both.

Helen:

Yeah. And what would you say is the most rewarding part? Tariq. Is it? Is it those big smiling faces?

Tariq:

Those big smiling faces when, you know, when they ring you up on your birthday and say, happy birthday.'cause they remembered, uh, you know, they can ring you up and say, oh. Um, Eid Mo Barrick, you know, happy Eid. Uh, and it's just the, the little things that you think, well, the things that you think that they might not remember, but they do remember and they ring you up and they get their parents to ring you up and say, can we come over on the weekend? It's Easter, or Can we come over on Eid? Or, you know, um, what you do with her fasting, we've missed, uh, you know, like Pfizer's cooking when she used to make lots of food for during fasting. And it's all those little things. Even remember the old little. The favorite dish is the favorite food. Um, and some of them say, oh, can you ask Pfizer to come over and teach our mom how to make some of those dishes that you to feed us? It's all those little things that, you know, are, are so rewarding. Um, it's just like, I mean, words can't really explain, um, the feeling that you get when one of your foster children rings you up and just say how much they miss you. Mm. And, and Tariq over the,

Helen:

your journey since 2011, you, you've had 10 children and young people come to live with you. Have some of them not been Muslim? And, and how have they embraced your, your faith and your culture?

Tariq:

Well, most because of the need. I mean, we've got a massive shortage of Muslim foster carers. Yeah. Uh, and it's just been that way that, um, the placements that I've had have primarily been. Muslim foster care. Yeah. Because there's been a shortage. So in terms of that identity and that religious match, because there's been a shortage, I've always had Muslim foster cares.'cause I've been one of the very few Muslim foster carers. Mm-hmm. So you've had Muslim

Helen:

foster children come and live with you? Yeah.

Tariq:

Yeah. So yeah. Muslim foster children living with me all that time. So, um, you know, um, I suppose it's just to throw the dice with you that, you know.

Helen:

Yeah,

Tariq:

I, I was, I was available at the time and I got, you know, the Muslim children and my brother. Who is a foster carer as well, and he's had two, I think about three non-Muslim children that pla that been placed with him. So I think it's just because the circumstance that I've been in mm-hmm. Uh, and my availability at the time where I've just had the Muslim children because they were, they were in need of, of a carer and I was just. Available at the time, so, yeah.

Helen:

Yeah. And you said there, there is a shortage of Muslim and foster carers. Why do you think that is?

Tariq:

Again, I, I think, I think it's something that, it's not, the awareness isn't there in, in, in the community and. Really it, it's not seen as something that, which is like, well, I suppose fostering in general, um, you know, is that the awareness is there in all communities, let alone the Muslim community. But I think because we're getting a lot of Muslim children now being placed in care now than we ever were, and obviously increasing the population, um, you know, we need the foster carers from a Muslim background to, to make a more diverse. Foster carer kind of, you know, kind of force where we can like have a whole range of different carers that can provide a level of care, irrelevant of their background, but it's good to have that diversity when we don't have that diversity. I think I. The fostering proce profession becomes more weaker.

Helen:

Yeah. Uh,

Tariq:

in terms of its outlook and what we provide, so,

Helen:

oh, so it's been lovely to speak to you, Tara. Just finally, if there was anyone listening or watching who was considering being a foster carer, particularly maybe from the Muslim community, as you say, there is a, a shortage of carers from that community, what would you say to them? How would you con, you know, um, encourage them to, to get in touch?

Tariq:

Well, I think, I mean, my message is look, um, the, as. As families, as parents, we need to think about those children, um, who haven't got a loving home or who are really struggling, who are very vulnerable. And we are in a very unique position in that, you know, fine, we've got, you know, a lot privileges in our, in, in, in our life. We probably come from good family backgrounds, but there's children out there who are really up against it and, you know, and we're in difficult times and we really need families to step up. And give some love and attention, and also a warm environment, a safe environment for those children that really need it the most. Because if we don't do our bit for these children, they're just gonna be in the life of going from one carer or from one place to another. And what lives have they got, you know, at the end of it all, if they don't get a stable home. So we really, really, really need to step up. Just give it a go, you know, because like I said, don't think about the negatives, think about the positives. Think about, like I said, the hug that you might get. You know that, that kind of phone call, when they do go back to say, we really miss you. Can we come over on the Easter or a festive occasion? And it's so, so rewarding and it outweighs any money that you might have, any financial means, anything else that you have in your life, trust me, that kind of hug and that kind of. Just, just them words to say, you know, um, we really miss it. It's so rewarding and I urge anybody, uh, that hasn't considered it to consider, you know, looking up the role of a foster carer and you know, what it involves. And like I said, it's so, so rewarding and I'm happy to speak to anybody, uh, who wants to foster or even have some. Information about fostering. You know, my doors are always open to talk about the highs and lows, and the highs outweigh the lows every time. And so if people want to speak about fostering, contact me. I'm here. We need to do my bit to make sure we can get a diverse kind, kind of fo group of foster carers. To really make a change in lives of those young children that really it the most.

Helen:

That's amazing. Thank you so much, Tariq. Thank you so much for joining us today. It's been wonderful to speak to you.

Tariq:

Thank you very much.

Helen:

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering group and make this the year you foster.