Voices of Fostering

Garreth and Maya - A Daughters Perspective

• National Fostering Group • Season 3 • Episode 27

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In this episode of Voices of Fostering, Garreth and his daughter Maya share their personal experiences and insights from 14 years of being a fostering family. They discuss the challenges and rewards of fostering, including the emotional aspects of letting go of foster children, the benefits of fostering on birth children, and the role of support networks. Garreth also talks about his current role as a carer recruitment officer and how his own experiences aid him in guiding new foster carers. 

Maya reflects on her upbringing in a fostering household and how it has shaped her empathy and understanding. This heartwarming conversation reveals the profound impact fostering can have on families and the lasting bonds formed with foster children.

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Helen:

Welcome along to this episode of Voices of Fostering, where I'm delighted today to be joined by Gareth and Mayor. Welcome guys. Hello. Thank you so much for joining us. So Gareth and Mayer, you are father and daughter and you are, or how you are, and have been very heavily involved in fostering, haven't you? So Gareth, do you wanna start by just telling us about your background with, with your work and your family?

Garreth:

Yeah, of course. Well, um, I was a foster carer for 14 years, um, alongside the children 'cause they were part of the family, obviously. Yeah. Um, and then last year I decided to take a little bit of a break. So I joined NFG with Childcare Bureau to do their care recruitment role, which, which has given a new dimension to fostering. But I really love it and, um, yeah, it's nice to sort of meet potential new carers and engage with our current carers and sort of. Relate to people.'cause I've done that job, you know, so it's quite nice when I go and talk to, to carers and new ones and talk about their experiences, my experiences. And it's, and it's, it's really nice and it's nice to be able to use my experience of fostering to help others.

Helen:

Yeah.

Garreth:

So it's, um, it's, it's, it's been great and I really enjoy working for Childcare Bureau to be honest.

Helen:

Wonderful. So we'll talk a little bit about your role a bit later on, but firstly, you said you were a foster carer for 14 years. And Maya, you are 14, so I feel like that's most of your life that you've grown up in a fostering family. So tell us what that was like, Maya?

Maya:

Well, I was born into it, so it's like all I've ever known. Really? Yeah. And up until last year. So it always felt normal for me when like. Have like a child in the house that's

Helen:

new. And how do you think having, uh, foster children and young people in your home, um, has maybe may, I know you say you don't know any different, but when you look at your friends and people at school around you, how do you feel that maybe you differ to them because of the, the way that you've been brought up?

Maya:

I think I've had a lot more experience with like, getting to know people on like a very personal level because a lot of, like, like kids at school. Friends, but like they've got family and then I get to know people that might be new coming into our house. So I'm very familiar with getting to know new people, if that makes sense. Yeah.

Helen:

So do you feel like you're maybe a bit more confident with, with new people?

Maya:

Yeah, I think I find it easier to understand as well, like, like if there's any children in care. Like, I understand sort of part of their story. Yeah.

Helen:

Um, um, were there any sort of challenges, mayor, about growing up in a fostering household? Were there, were there any bits that were difficult and, and how did you overcome them?

Maya:

Probably the most difficult thing about fostering, I would say, is letting a sibling go, like when they have to leave, because it's like you've created a bond with them, but then you sort of know that you've been like part of their life, like a stepping stone to the next sort of place. So you've given them like help, I guess, in a way.

Helen:

Yeah. Because we hear that quite a lot may that, you know, the hardest part and what people who are considering being a foster carer, they worry about that, you know, letting a child or young person go. And as you say, it is difficult. But was it really rewarding knowing that you'd helped and that they, they were going on to their next step of their journey, maybe a bit stronger than they were before?

Maya:

Yeah. It's, it's nice to know that you've sort of offered a hand. To sort of let them move on. Yeah. And get, become something wrong with you.

Helen:

So obviously fostering is still a part of your life in some way because of your dad's job, you know. But do you miss it because how long's it been now that you've not had children live with you?

Maya:

Oh, it's been about a year and a half maybe. And what's that been like? I did, I did miss it. I still do. I miss it quite a lot.'cause it's very rewarding knowing that you're doing something good for somebody, but then. You know, I wouldn't want to not foster, but I know we'll probably go back into it one day and I'll be fully ready for that 'cause it's just so much

Helen:

fun. Fingers crossed. And do you think it's something you might do yourself when you're an adult? Mia?

Maya:

I, I, for a very long time I've always thought that I wanna, you know, be a foster carer and help kids like I did when I was younger and like you have done.'cause it just, it just makes so much sense to me.

Helen:

Yeah. Um, what are some of the memories that you have of, uh, you know, we've talked about the challenges, uh, maybe difficult times, but what about some of the good times are, are there any particular ones that stand out to you? I.

Maya:

Um, one that I can remember from when I was younger is my foster sister. She was older than me. She moved in when we were, when I was three, and she lived with us for seven years and we, we went, we traveled quite a lot when she was here and we were in Italy and I brought this bag and it was, it said Chow Bella on it. And she got the same as me. And we were like matching and it felt really cool to sort of have that sort of role model.

Helen:

Yeah. Yeah. So do you feel that you really, you really do bond with the children who come and live with you and they, they do feel like your siblings,

Maya:

they They do. They sort of just, when they get comfortable around you, they sort of just blend in as part of the family and you are more than open to welcome them in when they do come and they're ready to. You know, be part of your family.

Helen:

Yeah. Gareth, how does it feel listening to your daughter talk about fostering like this? You must be very proud.

Garreth:

I am. Yeah. I really am. They've, I mean, both, both the children my birth children have, have been integral to our fostering successes. You know, it's, and. I genuinely couldn't have done it without them.'cause they are the, they are the voice there. They are that person to listen to the children on their level. You know, they don't get me wrong, they, they squabbled like children do, but that's normal. But at the end of the day, they've, they've got that link together and um, I think may have been born into it. She didn't know any different, so. It has given her another level of sort of empathy towards children. And like she, she's sort of out of her peer group. It's made her sort of, she's like the mother hen of the group really. And I think she's got that for, you know, being part of a fostering family.

Helen:

Well, yeah, because I think it's important to realize that you do foster as a family, don't you? You know, it's not just mom and dad or mom or dad. You know, is the, the children as well. If you've got birth children, they're a massive part of it, aren't they? So if somebody listening does have birth children, what does that look like in the assessment process? Like how do you involve them?

Garreth:

Well, the, obviously the assessor would speak to them. Um, when I go and do my initial visits, I always try and talk to the children if they know that the parents are, are wanting to foster.'cause obviously they don't always discuss it at the initial stage. Mm-hmm. Um, but I always explain part of the assessment process. The, as assessor would do some work with the children, make them understand what fostering is on their level. So obviously all children have a different level of understanding due to their ages. Um, and, and explain it in a child. Centered way what mom and dad are gonna be doing, or dad or mom, you know, so, mm-hmm. It's it. And I think preparing them, you can't prepare them for the children that are coming 'cause you don't know, but you can prepare them for what's gonna happen when a child arrives. While they're with you and when they move on, sort of just letting them know there'll be extra visitors in the house. Maya's very, very confident talking to social workers. Yeah. Um, because they've just always been in her life and it's not a scary thing for her. So, and I think it's making the children aware that these adults will be coming in, but they're here to support the family and support the children with you.

Helen:

Yeah. So as a carer recruitment officer, now Gareth, do you, do you use your own experience? Do you tell families, you know, this is my situation, I've done it myself.

Garreth:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. And people really sort of latch on and, and like to ask lots of questions and they will sometimes open up a bit more. Um, and they'll talk to me about the real challenges and they'll ask me what it's really like. Yeah. Um, I've actually even offered Mayer to go and. Speak to like that families, older children who, who sort of like 13, 14, her age. Children. Yeah. Maya is quite happy to go and talk to them about fostering and what it meant for her and sort of give them a bit of tips and advice really.

Helen:

Yeah. And you said there about, you know, you share what the real challenges are. What, what are some of the real challenges in, in your opinion? You know, Maya said it's about when you know children have to move on, that's quite difficult. What, what do you feel it is for you?

Garreth:

Yeah, I think I, I agree with Maya. Really, I think it's managing that for yourself and your, your, your children still living at home when they move on, as well as making the transition for your foster child as easy as possible. Um, that's always challenging, and I always sort of, sort of say looking after the children is the easy part of fostering in a way. Sometimes it's, it's managing everything else around the child, sometimes that, that's more difficult. Um, and it's, it's managing your time effectively as well, because obviously. Your household suddenly gets busy when the foster children enter as well. You know, there's appointments there, there's the meetings, and it's making sure that. You're treating them all the same and yeah, they're equally all having the same amount of time and managing that really, which, which we've got to a fine art at the end, I think.

Helen:

Yeah. Yeah. So Mary, it sounds like your whole life really is, you've been part of this very busy household with a lot going on. Did you enjoy that though?

Maya:

Yeah, I. Well, when we stopped fostering, I realized that the house sort of didn't feel empty, but it was so quiet. Yeah. That you didn't have like a random child come in for either respite or even to stay, that you could get to meet. And it was like the knowing that the house is gonna be really quiet and it was just gonna be the three of us, they were like, oh

Helen:

yeah, it's fun. So you said Mia, you did have longer term children who stayed with you, but then you said there you did have respite as well. So what, what were, were those, uh, children and young people? Like, what was, what was it like when you, when you had respite?

Maya:

Um, it was fun.'cause sometimes, well, for a few we'd know the child, we'd do it for a friend. Yeah. So they already knew us and they sort of know that we are part of. They're very, because we're really close with one of the other families that we do it with, we used to do it with, but some of them, we'd get respite and it'd be fun 'cause you get to know them and then they'd stay for a little bit. But they, you sort of know that you've, well, they'll remember you and you'll always remember them. Yeah.

Helen:

Is that right? Yeah. So, Gareth, maybe just explain what, what respite means is that, you know, what, why would somebody have, have a, a child coming with them for respite care?

Garreth:

Yeah, so it could be many things really. Um, sometimes it can be a weekend, sometimes it could be a night, sometimes it can be for a couple of weeks while a family maybe have to go on holiday and they can't take the child for whatever reason, whether it's it's due to personal circumstances or the care plan of the child. Um, we obviously have. Um, we, I, I supported my, my best friend a lot who fosters and I still do, you know mm-hmm. Her foster child still comes here. Um, and then some of, sometimes it's just, it's just giving them a break. So my, my friend for example, her child has a very, very high level of need, is severely autistic. So she needs that break as a family sometimes with her own children. And it's, it's sort of, it's sort of grown organically because we've. He's used to coming here, so it makes sense for him to come to us for respite now. Um, so that's quite nice. And then other times it's just as a one-off if a family's got a wedding, for example, to go to and mm-hmm. The children can't come. So. We had a young man before he was a, a teenager and he came for the weekend, but he had a brilliant time 'cause we just did loads while he was here. And, uh, I mean, he had a lot of needs as well, but he was so much fun. And I think it was like, it was like a whirlwind when he came and then when he left it was like, wow, how did we manage that? But what we did.

Helen:

Do you feel like there's been a lot of moments in your fostering journey like that? Like, whoa, that was intense, but we got through it.

Garreth:

Definitely, definitely the kids have, have the Hayden and Mayer that my birth children have been there and they've seen, they've seen the exciting, happy times and they've seen the low times and the tears. So it's, yeah, everything in between really.

Helen:

Yeah. But as you said earlier, you know, you do feel that it's had a real positive impact on your birth children, like it sounds like that's quite resilience building, isn't it?

Garreth:

Yeah, definitely, definitely, definitely. So, um, I think they, they've, they've learned to deal with their emotions better. Um, they've, you know, like resilience is key. Really. Yeah. And my son's now in the army and he's, he's working really hard, so, and he's grown up, he was two and a half when we fostered, so he's grown up with it as when we started. So he's grown up with it too, and it's just made them both, um. Strong characters, but also empathetic and understanding.

Helen:

Yeah. Yeah. So, so going back to the beginning then, Gareth, you know, you had, uh, two very small children and you decided to foster, what, why was that, why did you decide to do it?

Garreth:

We decided I, I needed to change career and I wasn't happy doing what I was doing. Um, my then partner at the time, she wanted to continue working, but Hayden had come along and we thought, well, we've got a spare room, we've got space, why not look into it? So we ended up looking into it, not planning on having another child, and then Maya came along. So we had to extend. Um, but. I think it, for me, I would worked in, in, um, distribution company for a long time and I wanted to do something that meant something more. Yeah. Um, rather than just making money for these big bosses, I wanted to do something that actually, um, had an impact on people and wanted to help. Um, and part of me as well with, with my son being so young at the time, I thought, well, actually, him growing up with other children might be beneficial for him. Um, you know, we, we do, we were child centered anyway when he came along, so we thought, you know, we've got the space and the time to do it, and then it sort of just accelerated from there, really.

Helen:

Yeah. Yeah. So if anyone with birth children is, is listening or watching, it's definitely a positive for them, isn't it?

Garreth:

I genuinely think so, but may I could probably answer that better. Yeah.

Maya:

It, it, it, it's very, it's a very good thing. I'd say it's, it's a good thing to say that you've done about your life, you know,

Helen:

it's just nice. Oh, well it's been fantastic to speak to you both. Thank you so much. Um, you both very, very inspiring and, uh, best of luck with the future. Thank you.

Garreth:

Thank you very much. Thank.

Helen:

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering Group and make this the year you foster.