Voices of Fostering

Sue - My 18 year fostering journey

• National Fostering Group • Season 3 • Episode 25

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Join us as host Helen sits down with Sue, a dedicated foster carer with nearly two decades of experience. 

Sue shares her deeply personal reasons for embarking on this journey, the challenges she has faced, and the immense joy she feels when seeing the young people in her care succeed and thrive. 

Despite being a lone foster carer, Sue highlights the invaluable support from friends, family, and her supervising social worker. From handling difficult situations involving gang-related issues to the simple pleasure of having a full house, Sue's story is both inspiring and enlightening. Plus, meet Bubbles, Sue's talkative parrot, who adds a unique and comforting presence to her home.

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk

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Helen:

Hello and welcome to this episode of Voices of Fostering Today I'm delighted to be joined by one of our foster carers, Sue. Hello, Sue.

Sue:

Hello, Helen.

Helen:

Hello. Thank you so much for being with us today, and I'm really, really looking forward to hearing all about your fostering journey. Um, it's the best part of 20 years, isn't it? That you've been fostering Sue.

Sue:

Yeah, it's, yeah, a long time, a lifetime.

Helen:

So, going back all that time ago, nearly two decades, can you remember what it was that that drew you to fostering? Why did you decide to do it?

Sue:

Well, there was lots of reasons, really, um, for personal reasons I needed to be at home. Um, with my daughter, well, not with my daughter. She was obviously at school, but I needed to be there for her. Um, and I needed an income. Never gonna get rich being a foster carer. Uh, I will add that, but, um, and my friends were fostering and they suggested you like kids. You like children. My house was always full of my daughter's friends. So why don't you give it a go? And yes, I started and, um, never looked back really.

Helen:

So you were that mum where you see, where, you know, the door was always open to, to all your, your daughter's friends and you know, you were always very welcoming.

Sue:

Yeah. Door was always open and I was the taxer. Um. Yeah, it was party, well not party night, but the house was full every night. Yeah. I think want my daughter hanging around on corners. Yeah. Um, or outside the chip shop. So it was a case of I made them welcome into my home.

Helen:

Yeah. And Sue, you describe yourself as a, as a lone foster carer. So was this something that you always did by yourself?

Sue:

Always, yeah. Um, my husband died. Um. Before I started fostering. Yeah. And that was one of the reasons why I wanted to be home for my daughter. I didn't want to be doing a job where she was, you know, coming home to an empty house. Yeah. After that. So, yeah, so I am lone. Yeah. But I do have lots of support from family and friends and other foster carers.

Helen:

Yeah. Because I think there might be people listening or watching who are, you know, by themselves and they maybe think that excludes them from being a foster carer, but that's not the case, is it? What would you say to anybody who was maybe thinking about doing it by themselves?

Sue:

Um, yeah, I. It doesn't matter whether you are on your own or with a partner, you're always gonna face challenges. The difference is, yeah, you are on your own when it comes to, um, supporting those children and carrying out all the fundamental tasks that a foster carer has to do, you know? Um. But if you've got good family and you've got good friends and other foster carers within your area that you get on with support groups, then yeah, it, it's great. It's the reason keeps me alive. I know I'm alive and I've got children in the house. Because my daughter's obviously grown up now and gone, so I am totally on my own. And yet, young people, you know, you're alive and you've got young people around you

Helen:

and you said, Sue, you, you don't actually know how many children and young people you've had to live with you. Is is that, 'cause there's so many, you just, you just can't keep track.

Sue:

Um. To a certain extent. Um, I've always been short term. I've never done long term. I've always been cast as a short term carer.

Helen:

Yeah.

Sue:

So yes, there are a, uh, a few children that I still keep contact with that stayed with me for two, three years. Three years I think is the longest. Um, and keep contact. But then I've done a lot of respites. And a lot of emergency. And at the moment, I suppose I'm a bit also of a bridging placement. So if a young person is between placements for whatever reason mm-hmm. They can come to me. And I've also done just recently, 17 year olds waiting to go into independence. Right. Okay.

Helen:

Yeah.

Sue:

So yeah, a lot have come through my front door.

Helen:

And going way back to, to your first, uh, child or young person who came to live with you, surely you, you remember them. What, what was that like?

Sue:

Um, at first, very worrying because. As a first placement, you don't know, do you? You just dunno what to expect. Yeah. So yes, to start off with quite worrying, but once that young person has been in your home for a short period of time, uh, even just that day, that evening. You obviously start to know them and yeah. You, so it becomes less daunting, not frightening, less daunting.

Helen:

And you say you've had all sorts of, of different types of fostering. What is your fostering household like now then Sue, you know, who do, who do you have living with you now

Sue:

at the moment? Um, I've got two young ladies living with me. Um, sisters. 12 and 13 coming on 19 and 20 and, um, yeah, it's, it's good. They're, they're between placements, so I'm looking after them till a, um, another placement is found.

Helen:

Yeah.

Sue:

And then they'll move on to a long term foster carer.

Helen:

And I imagine over the 18 years, Sue, you know, you've had some ups and downs. What, what are some of the challenges that you faced over that time?

Sue:

Lots really, I suppose. Um, there are certain young people that stand out. I think knife crying was one. And, um, gang related. I think that was my, that was my worst challenge probably. Um, a young man that was into gangs, into drugs. Into county lines. And I, I think probably that was my worst challenge. Yeah.

Helen:

And did you feel supported in that? Did you feel that you had somewhere to turn that, you know, your social worker or that the people around you were there, were there to support you with that situation?

Sue:

Very much so. Yeah. I, I have a, a really good, I think the best, um, um. What they call them? Worker, supervis, social worker, supervising social worker. Yeah. Um, and I think she's the best. Um, she's really good. She's always there for me. Doesn't matter the day, uh, the time, the day she's there. Even, I've even sent her messages like really late at night, really early in the morning, and yeah, she might not actually be at work, but she will. If, if it's an emergency, she will still respond.

Helen:

Yeah.

Sue:

So, yeah, she's really good. And you get to know, I've had that particular, um, supervising social worker for a long time now, so we've got to know each other. Yeah. Very, very well.

Helen:

And as you say, Sue, you know, there are some, some challenging times and you, you said there that, you know, you had a young person living with you who was unfortunately involved in, in, you know, some things that, that they shouldn't have been involved in. What, what's it like facing those types of, of of things? Because unfortunately, some of the children and young people that come into your care as a foster carer. Are are unfortunately involved in, in those things. What's it like dealing with that?

Sue:

You have to be extra vigilant, I suppose. Um, you know, sort of just keeping your eye on things. You've gotta keep your finger on the pulse all the time and yeah, it's quite tiring because you can't afford to, you know, take your eye off the ball. You have to be there. All the time just concentrating, watching, and knowing what's going on around you. I mean, I was not the best place for that young person. That young person needed a, a dual placement, you know, needed two carers.

Helen:

Yeah.

Sue:

Um, which was highlighted and which the, um, fostering organization dealt with. Um, but yes, you just have to be extra vigilant and very awake.

Helen:

So they were some of the most challenging times for you, but what about the good times? Sue? You know, tell us about some of the, the best moments of the last 18 years.

Sue:

Oh yeah. I mean there are, I, I think some of the best moments are when young people going to independence and succeed. Yeah. Those are the best moments. And I still have, um. Girls in their twenties, probably early thirties thinking about it. Um, that, yeah. Phoned me up regularly.

Helen:

Yeah.

Sue:

Messaged me regularly. And they now settled with families of their own. And I think that's one of the best things seeing that happen.

Helen:

Yeah. How does that feel, Sue? You must feel very proud.

Sue:

It feels really good. Yeah. Yeah, it does feel really good. I can't, I can't describe it really. I mean, I dunno how you put it into words. That feeling of, it's not a feeling of satisfaction or it's just a, it's just a nice feeling, you know, that you've, you've accomplished something.

Helen:

And if there was anyone listening or watching Sue who was thinking about becoming a foster carer, but maybe, you know, they were, had some worries or concerns or, you know, they didn't think maybe it was right for them, what, what would you say to them? How would you encourage them to do it?

Sue:

I think you can only try, can't you? I. I, when I first started, I put a lot of restrictions on the young people that would come to me because we were a very girly house. I said Only girls. Yeah. And, uh, above the age of I went for teenagers more than, um, and then I learned that that's not the case. Boys need. A place just as much as girls need a place. And I think you have to. You have to try it. That that's the thing, isn't it? And I think when that first person walks through your door and they're settling and you become friends. Sorry about the parrot. Um, I wonder you become trained. I was wonder.

Helen:

I was thinking that there was definitely an animal, but I can't quite identify what animal it is. Par

Sue:

um, yeah. When that first person comes through your door and settles down and. They're at home and you start enjoying things together. Yeah. That's when it all changes. Yeah. And the parrot is,

Helen:

well, I was just gonna say, Sue, we've gotta talk about the parrot now. Surely the parrot is a real nice sort of tool, if you like, for helping to settle children and young people into your home.

Sue:

Yeah, more so than any other animal I used. Like a mini zoo. I had a daughter that was animal mad, so we had four Guinea pigs. We had hamster cages all over the house. I ended up taking in hamsters from other foster children. Um, I, I had chickens. I had, uh, ducks, I had turkeys, I had snakes, tortoises, Guinea pigs, um, rabbits. Out of all the animals I I've ever had in my house, the parrots is the one that's even dogs. I had two dogs. Um, 'cause children can be very wary of dogs, you know? Yeah, because they're more livery, aren't they? The parities contained, but she's. Noisy. So when people are in the room and they're talking and they're not talking to her, then she gets quite noisy. Oh. And yes, she get a

Helen:

bit jealous.

Sue:

She does. And children are, and young people, it doesn't matter how old they are, they are fascinated. Yeah. By the parrot. And they all want the parrot to be their friend. You know? Forget about all the other animals. They want the parrot to be their friends. That is, that is their eye. So she's a good, um, you know, a, a good talking point and a good, she, she relaxes the atmosphere. Yeah. Because she'll size something and everybody will burst into laughter.

Helen:

So what sort of, um, uh, words does she, does she say, can she say all sorts?

Sue:

She'll say hello? She'll say, no. No, it's, she'll say bye. She knows when you put your coat on, you're leaving the house. She's, they call it clever in some ways. Yeah, she whistles. She does the McDonald's thing. She whistles, um, she's picked that up off the teller. She whistles the Adams family. Um, oh goodness. I've got a terrible, I, I'm always saying right thing. So she says, right then, uh, come on. She called the dogs. Some of the children that have lived here, she'll shout their names. Yeah. And um, and they're always saying to me, who's this? Who's that? And I go, oh, it's somebody that used to live here. Well, she ever call my name. So then they tried to teach her then yeah. So she's got quite a few nines in her,

Helen:

so you might not be able to remember everyone for the past 18 years. What she does, she's got it.

Sue:

So, and that she'll stop saying a nine and then for some reason that nine might crop up and then she suddenly remembers and she'll start all Africa.

Helen:

So what's her name, Sue.

Sue:

Bubbles.

Helen:

Bubbles. Right. Well, I will leave you and bubbles to it because we don't wanna get in any more jealous to we. So thank you so, so much for talking to us, Sue. It's been really, really lovely to chat to you and it's been, it's been lovely to hear bubbles as well. Take care, Sue. Thanks so much.

Sue:

Okay. Thank you. Bye.

Helen:

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering Group and make this the year you foster.