Voices of Fostering

Jo-Anne - From a Childhood Dream to Fostering Reality

• National Fostering Group • Season 3 • Episode 21

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In this touching episode of Voices of Fostering, host Helen chats with Jo-Anne, a passionate foster carer, about her inspiring journey. Jo-Anne shares how her dream of fostering began at the age of nine, influenced by her cousin who was also a foster carer. Jo-Anne and her husband, they decided to pursue fostering during the COVID lockdown, leading to a smooth and rewarding process. Jo-Anne details the in-depth assessment and the importance of training, especially therapeutic parenting, in preparing them for fostering. She recounts the emotional experience of being approved and welcoming their first children, a sibling group of twins who have been with them for nearly five years. Jo-Anne also opens up about the lessons she has learned from fostering and the support of her own family in this journey. She advocates passionately for fostering, emphasising that anyone with the love and desire to help children can become a foster carer, regardless of their background.

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Helen:

Hello and welcome to this latest episode of Voices of Fostering where today I'm joined by Joanne. Hello, Joanne. Good afternoon. Hello, thanks so much for joining us. So Joanne's one of our lovely foster carers and we'd love to hear all about your fostering journey, Joanne. So tell us how it all began. I understand it was back during COVID times, wasn't it? So tell us how it all started for you. It all

Jo-Anne:

started because I stayed at my cousin's who reminded me when I was nine that I said I was going to be a foster carer.

Helen:

Oh, wow.

Jo-Anne:

Um, because he was, my cousin was. And my husband said, I've never heard this. And I said, well, you never wanted children. So, I already had a child when I met my husband. So, I didn't push for fostering because he didn't want children. And I just didn't think it would be fair to introduce that to somebody who didn't want them. And all it was, was he didn't want his own children. So driving from Portsmouth to Cambridge, we talked about Nuffink back fostering, and I'd already booked us in for a visit with the company we work for.

Helen:

So this was all from something you felt when you were nine years old. Do you remember that?

Jo-Anne:

I do, I remember it. I even remembered the address my cousin lived at, at the time. So was your cousin a looked

Helen:

after child?

Jo-Anne:

No, no. He was a foster carer with his wife.

Helen:

Ah, as an adult, right. As an adult,

Jo-Anne:

yeah.

Helen:

So what do you think it was when you were nine that made you know about fostering and want to do it?

Jo-Anne:

very close to this particular cousin and I've always stayed with him in school holidays with his wife and their children. I've always been mad about children. Um, I think I was over three or four the first time I told my mum I was going to be a nanny because she was. Um, and I just, I've always loved and been interested in child development, so it was just a no brainer, even at nine years old, that I was going to copy what I just had that

Helen:

nurturing side in you that you've always wanted to fulfill. Yeah. So then how did it start then? During COVID, I imagine the process was maybe a bit more virtual than it is now. How, how was it?

Jo-Anne:

It was pretty virtual. Um, it was just before the first lockdown. I met the people at Fostering Solutions in person and then everything else went virtual. Um, but that was it. It was signed, sealed and delivered on that night of actually talking to professionals that knew other foster carers were there to Um, explain their journeys to see if we would enjoy it and, you know, the pros and cons and all the rest of it. And it was just from that moment on, we were on the path to fostering.

Helen:

Yeah. So what was your assessment like then? Um, it was brilliant.

Jo-Anne:

Everything we've done, when something's right, everything goes right straight away, or it seemed to. And everything we, everyone we spoke to, everything we. with regards to training and, um, introducing ourselves to other foster people and all the rest of it all just went so smoothly that I think we got through it quite quickly as well. Plus we were stuck at home because everybody was shut down and all the rest of it. And yeah, so we fell in love with the people that we met. when we went for our first like introduction to fostering and it just snowballed from there really.

Helen:

Um, were there any parts of the assessment Joanne that maybe surprised you?

Jo-Anne:

Um, it's very in depth. I don't think we were quite, we had nothing to hide, but I don't think we were quite ready for them to want to know everything. And they do, but it makes sense that they do that. These children have already been through trauma. They don't need any more when they're going to a forever home or a temporary home to get them ready, you know, growing up with foster carers. Um, but the in depth. We weren't worried about anything, but they did want to know a lot, and financial, where you've lived before, previous relationships, um, how your own child feels about you doing it, how your siblings feel about you becoming a foster carer, because these are all people that are going to back you. Um, so yeah, they, they want to know a lot, but don't be put off by that. It's not anything big. You've got nothing to hide,

Helen:

you've got

Jo-Anne:

nothing to worry about, so, yeah.

Helen:

And then I imagine you went to panel and you would have found out that you'd been approved. Yeah. How did that feel? Oh,

Jo-Anne:

amazing. It was just amazing. Very nerve wracking beforehand, but the minute you're in front of the panel, the panel. They make you feel very relaxed and very easy and the questions. You've covered pretty much everything with your training that they're going to ask you. So it was just lovely. And we've been panel every year since, and it's always been very kind, very gentle and lovely.

Helen:

Yeah. And then tell us about the first children or young people that you had to stay with you. What was that experience like? That was fantastic.

Jo-Anne:

Um, they came for us for three weeks and they're still with us nearly five years now. Um, they're great. They won't leave us until they go to university, um, which they're doing A levels now. Uh, yeah, so they have been, they were challenging, there are challenges, it's, it's not all rosy like you see on the telly where this lovely looking little family will come out and dance and sit together lovely, it's not all like that, but you do get to that, you do get to that. Um. They came to us for three weeks and after the first week I said, they're not going anywhere. We can work with these children and actually these children worked with us as much as we worked with them. So,

Helen:

are they a sibling group? They are. Yeah. And is, is that twins? Right. Okay. And is, is that the type of fostering you imagined yourself doing? Did you think you were going to have a sibling group? I didn't,

Jo-Anne:

I didn't mind a sibling group, but I thought we were going to start with younger children. I don't know. So, in my mind, I just thought. visualized a toddler and maybe a slightly older child being our first placement. But I had two boys turn up who were just over 12. And I absolutely love them, it, they've, we've slotted in with them, we let them come and find us. Because we were their first permanent placement, they had been for a couple of short terms waiting to find their permanent, um, and, and they, they're lovely, you know. So now

Helen:

they're 17, I imagine. in a couple of weeks. Wow. So what's it been like going through those, those teen years with them?

Jo-Anne:

Brilliant. It's brilliant. It's very different from your own child. It's very different. The love is the same, if that makes sense. Yeah. Um, and yeah, they're just great. They're great. Everything they do, they come and talk to us about if they're not sure about things, and we talk to them if we're not sure that they're doing the right things. Um, but they have. Yeah, they're just lovely.

Helen:

So you said earlier on that there was a lot of training that you did, like during your assessment process. How has that training helped you and stood you in good stead for for caring for them? It's, we've done a

Jo-Anne:

lot of therapeutic parenting. Yeah. Um, and that has Absolutely opened many doors, opened our eyes to various ways of doing things, um, which is brilliant because even though they're twins, they're individual people and they have different clothes, different ways of looking at things and they are very alike, but at the same time they're very different. And it helped a lot with that, and it helped us understand how to approach them and, and not to be on our guard against things that they may do differently to us, and we all adjusted. All the training helps you, all the people, I go to SEND groups once a month, and we discuss openly about things that are going on, and Every child is so similar but so different at the same time. Yeah. And, yeah, you just have to be open to change at a

Helen:

moment's notice. So you, yeah, absolutely. So you, so you, you mentioned there about therapeutic parenting. For anybody who's maybe not heard that phrase before, tell us a little bit about what that is. That

Jo-Anne:

is getting to know your child. child and understanding their trauma, the reason why they've come into care, the reason why they will be different to parent than your own because hopefully your own children haven't got trauma. Um, and it helps you become more patient, much more patient because you're aware of things that could trigger a child support. You become aware of your child's triggers quite quickly anyway. You're more prepared for Um, I can't, I can't think of the word. You're more prepared for any situation that may arise. Any eventuality.

Helen:

Any eventuality. You

Jo-Anne:

know, um, we've done first aid training. That was also useful because children don't, trauma children won't show you tears or pain or anything. So the first aid I done was more aimed at children so that you could spot other signs of the maybe. being pale or off color or whatever, or grumpy, and then be able to sort out their medical needs through, um, all the training was just amazing. I can't think of what all of it's called, but you just update it as you go. Yeah,

Helen:

the skills to

Jo-Anne:

foster. Yeah, the skills to foster. You just update all the time. You're doing something to update. Um, I just. Yeah, but the therapeutic parenting, my husband has done so much more research on top of therapeutic parenting and I, and has shown me other routes and things to ignore and things to get upset over and things not to get upset over, and to help that child to, understand we're going to love them no matter what. They don't even have to like us, but know they're safe and they're in a safe space. Therapeutic parenting has just done wonders for all three of the children that I have with me.

Helen:

Yeah. And you have a birth child, you mentioned earlier on, how, how was it for your, for your birth child? How did you approach fostering? How did you explain to them what you were going to do and, and how has it affected them? Yeah.

Jo-Anne:

He's a very grown up child. He's just turned 40, has two young children of his own. Um, We sat and talked to him about it because he would have been the only person that probably would have stopped me from doing it if I thought it was going to affect him. Even though he's a man, a married man and all the rest of it. He probably would have been the only person that could have talked me out of it. But instead of that, he was right behind us and has been every day since. And he gets on really well with the children, um, and he's always been very accepting of them living at his mum's house. And do it, you know, playing with his old Lego. Oh, that's lovely. Yeah, so it is nice because, um, we, I come from a huge family, all child orientated, and all of my family have accepted all of the children at their weddings, at all family functions. You know, we all go along as a family. Um, Yeah, so it's all been really lovely.

Helen:

Yeah, so it sounds like, you know, as you say, you've, you've taught the twins a lot, you've helped and guided them, you know, they've gone from being 12 to being nearly 17 with you, but what, what have they taught you, Joanne?

Jo-Anne:

They've taught me that, that I already, I've never really judged people, but you don't judge anybody. Um, and they, they've taught me to be more patient and Oh, I don't know, just more open because we've got, we run a very open household where we discuss things openly and we talk about, obviously if they've got private things they want to talk about, they could do that with either of us, both of us, and it will be kept private. But we're just more relaxed because they've never really thrown up very many spanners, but my littler one does, but they've still stayed relaxed and still stayed on his side. Not on his side, but they, they've still respected the way he behaves is different from the way they've ever behaved. But we've all learned. It's not just, I've learned so much from being a foster carer. Yeah. I've learned that I wish I'd done it earlier. Yeah, a long time ago. But, then I think, had I done it earlier, I wouldn't have the children I've got now. I feel like I'm helping these children as much as they're helping me see the world through different eyes.

Helen:

Yeah. So you've got the twins and you've got a younger foster child as well. Um, what, what do you see for the future, Joanne? Do you see you having more and more children, uh, with you or, you know, of different ages or, you know, what, what do you think? I think,

Jo-Anne:

um, when the twins go to university, if I, we will have more children and I'd like a little bit of a, um, get over the fact that. They've gone and then I'm probably younger than the child I've already got because I feel that he would like to be the big child and he has different issues and trauma and conditions. Um, so it will all take time to find another fit as good as the fit we've got now. It was when the social work of it put our younger one with us. Because he's been with us nearly three years, she absolutely knew the fit was going to be good. It wasn't just us saying, yeah, we'll take whoever comes along. They have to slot in with the, with the way the ones you've already got are. So I think if we went younger, he would appreciate being the older one. And he's very, very good with younger children and absolutely idolises younger children.

Helen:

So, Joanna, it's been so lovely talking to you today. If anybody was watching who was, you know, wondering about being a foster carer and maybe was a bit unsure, you know, what would you say to them?

Jo-Anne:

Go and just find one or well, we found three and we only got as far as seeing two different companies or councils, whatever. Go and talk to people. Um, I couldn't recommend it more. If you enjoy children in your house, then you will love fostering. You, it, I know it does take, they always say it takes a certain somebody, but I do think if you love children, and you want to give them a better chance than they're going to get, go and find somebody that's going to show you the way, because it is very rewarding. I just love it. I'm not going to get emotional. I promised myself. You

Helen:

can if you like. We welcome tears on the podcast, Joanne.

Jo-Anne:

We welcome them. I do get emotional because there's such a shortage of foster carers, which is the reason why I said I would do this today. If I can do it, anybody can do it. I'm not particularly smart or haven't got a big degree or anything behind me, but I have a passion and that is to break the cycle and good adults take children that need repairing and put them out. Oh, sorry. It's okay. To become good caring adults.

Helen:

Why do you think it matters so much to you? You know, you're getting emotional now, which is, is fine. You know, so we say we welcome tears. Why do you think it matters so much to you deep in your heart, Joanne?

Jo-Anne:

Because I was very privileged to have a huge family that every child in our family loves every child that comes into our family. I didn't come, I didn't come from money or. any big privileges in that sense, but I had support my whole life, both parents, siblings, cousins, uncles, aunties, masses of them. And Yeah, I, I just feel that if I can give them half of what my parents gave me, We'll be turning out nice adults.

Helen:

Yeah, because you had all those things and you were very, very privileged, but some children don't.

Jo-Anne:

Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely, and that is why, not because I had anything missing from my life, I didn't. I had so much in my life that I just want to give other children that opportunity to go and dip their toe in the sea on New Year's Day and things like that. To me, they're the best memories going. They didn't cost anything, but they were great. And I had a lot of that, and I would like to give some.

Helen:

Oh, Joanne, well it's so lovely to talk to you. I'm going to leave you now so you can, you can have a moment. You know, it really does mean a lot to you. And, and these are the types of people like yourselves that we need. Um, we need more foster carers and we need people who really care like you do.

Jo-Anne:

You don't have to have lots of money or a big posh house. If you've got a spare room, you've got room for one or two little people that need to stay together, their sibling group,

Helen:

um, and you can make a huge difference just by caring. That's wonderful. Thank you so, so much, Joanne, and take care. Lots of love. Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering Group and make this the year you foster.