Voices of Fostering

Amy - Carrying on the Legacy

• National Fostering Group • Season 3 • Episode 17

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Join us in this episode of Voices of Fostering as we talk with Amy, a foster carer with over 11 years of experience. Amy shares her inspiring journey into fostering, influenced by her family members Celia and Terry. She provides deep insights into the challenges and rewards of fostering, from turning around the lives of children and witnessing their growth and success.Learn about the support system available for foster carers and the touching stories of the many children Amy and her husband Steve have cared for. Whether you're considering fostering or just curious, this episode is a must-watch for anyone interested in the transformative power of fostering.

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk

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Helen:

Hello, welcome. And thank you so much for joining us for this episode of Voices of Fostering. Today, I'm joined by one of our lovely foster carers, Amy. Welcome, Amy.

Amy:

Hello there. Hiya.

Helen:

Hi, thanks so much for joining us. Uh, so Amy, uh, you're a foster carer. Um, we want to know all about it, basically. So let's go right away back to the beginning. How long have you been fostering and, and what led you to it?

Amy:

Uh, so me and my husband Steve have been fostering with Children's First for 11 years. So we're 11 years.

Helen:

So 11 years, wow. So when you go all the way back to 11 years ago, Amy, what, what was it that made you decide to do it?

Amy:

Uh, so one of my, my, a family member, Celia and Amy's, and so Celia and Terry used to foster children. And basically every time we have like a family event or something, we saw lots of teenagers, they mainly foster teenagers. So you sort of see them coming in and out and sort of. So blessed, you know, these children have come from different backgrounds and how they've progressed through Cedar and Toby's care was just amazing. And so me and my husband obviously had lots of talks with Cedar and sort of sharing lots of advice and sort of lots of insights of how the fostering was. And basically, yeah, so me and my husband was like, we've got a spare room, we've got time, let's, let's carry on the tradition. And be foster carers. So, yeah, so we, we, uh, we applied to be a foster carer, uh, with, with children's first, and then, um, and we had an initial visit by, uh, our Suvarn social worker, who still obviously did the initial visits, and then obviously we had the assessment process, um, shortly after, which was about six or seven months, um, and then we'll see a rad panel, and the, actually the lady who came to do this, to do the initial visit became our social worker for 11 years. So she's worked with us through the whole of it. So, um,

Helen:

yeah. Wow. So Celia and Terry, was it? Celia and Terry. Yes. So they were a massive inspiration to you. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. So what, are they, are they still in your life now? Like are you? Um, fortunately Celia

Amy:

passed away

Helen:

last year.

Amy:

Um, so, um, but I think Terry, you know, Terry was always sitting around, but Celia passed away. Yeah. But what

Helen:

a legacy that Celia has left. Absolutely. So, so she knew that you were a foster carer. What did she think about it?

Amy:

Oh, she thought it was amazing. As soon as we got approved, she was like, that's amazing. You know, obviously you're carrying it on. And yeah, so she was really, really impressed.

Helen:

And how does it feel, Amy, to think that you might do that now with other people in your family or your, your friendship circle? You might carry that inspiration on.

Amy:

Yeah, I'm one of my, one of my friends who I've known for, I'd say probably about 15 years, going back to college with her. And she's now a foster carer from obviously me talking to her. Um, and now she's become a foster carer now. So I've got, yeah, quite a few foster carer friends who inspired by me and Steve. So. That

Helen:

is brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. So what's it like being a foster carer, Amy? Tell us all about it.

Amy:

Oh, it's, you know, it can be challenging at times. Um, you know, some children come into your care and. Hello with different backgrounds, you know, um, some, some display their feelings, uh, physically, you know, they, you know, I've had a little boy that used to spit in my face and kick at me, you know, because of the background he came from. And actually he was only five when he came into our care. He got adopted when he was seven. They always said he'd never get adopted by the behavior that he was showing. And we turned his life around and. You got adopted by someone. So, yeah. So yeah, it's very, you know, it's challenging at times, but very, very rewarding. We've fostered over 25, uh, 25 children. most siblings who got adopted, uh, who we still see and a sibling who went home to birth parents. So, um, yeah, it's very rewarding on that part. You see them grow, you know, they were little, they were only babies, really. They would grow with you and then they'd get adopted. And we still see them now, you know, even seven years later. So you

Helen:

used two words there that I'd like to sort of look more into. So firstly, you said it's very, it can be challenging at times. What, what, what would you say has been some of the challenges and how have you overcome them?

Amy:

Um, you know, well, obviously going back to the look that for our first placement, you know, it was our, we were thrown in with this little boy, you know, and, um, obviously the behaviour that he was showing. Um, was very physical. And so you have to sort of be pretty at the back of your mind, all what was going on physically, giving lots of support and sort of say, look, we're here for you. We're not, we're not, we're not enemies. We're here to look after you. And, um, you know, let's work together to see how we can improve this. And his life, you know, his school changed and he turned around and he'd become such a lovely little boy. And when he moved, and he even, when he, when he, the day that he moved, we looked back on a whole, he was with us 18 months. So when we looked back on it with him. He was like, yeah, it was really hard, wasn't it? And I'm like, yeah, but we got through it and here we are now. So he's 18 now. So, um, yeah.

Helen:

And that leads us perfectly onto the other word that I wanted to ask you more about, which is rewarding. You know, tell us about some of the most rewarding parts of being a foster carer, Amy.

Amy:

Oh, well, you know, yeah, you see them grow up, you know, like obviously we've had little ones. So, you know, you see their speech develop, you know, you see them walking for the first time and sort of talking. So, yeah, it's really rewarding. We've had children coming to our care who haven't been able to read at the age of nine, you know. So, they've gone to school and they're still in reception books, you know. So, we worked with them and now they're on top of the class for reading. So, you But the educational part, you know, when you're working with the schools and the children and the families, you know, so, yeah.

Helen:

And can you imagine yourselves doing anything different now, Amy? How long do you, do you see yourself doing this for?

Amy:

After a long time, yeah. We've got three, three children being placed for the long term, so they're not going anywhere. So, um, yeah, so we'd be looking, we'd be fostering for a long time. Yeah, I think so.

Helen:

And if anyone listening was wondering what happens to a child who's looked after when they turn 18, what happens then?

Amy:

I believe, um, now this is obviously all new to me, but I believe, um, they become, um, I think it's stay in put or leave care. So, um, yeah, I mean, our three will be stay in put. I mean, there's no doubt about that. They're matched, so they're going to be stay in put. But yeah, that's all new to me. Obviously, we've only had the little ones, but I believe it's stay in put. Yeah. Yeah. So

Helen:

how long have the three children who live with you now, how long have they been with you?

Amy:

Uh, so my oldest one, he's been with us for seven years, since he was, since he was five. So, since he was little, and now he's 13 now. So, um, and, um, our other two, they've been with us for three years. So, um, yeah.

Helen:

And as you say, you, they're on long term placements. So they, they will be with you until they're 18 and beyond possibly. Do you feel just like any other family really? Oh

Amy:

yes, yeah, most definitely. Everyone, you know, we're all sort of equal in the family. We all sort of go on holiday together, you know. We took them abroad this year for the first time. They're too little too. We went to Ibiza. So, you know, you just treat them as your own, you know, and quite even when you looked at us, you wouldn't, you wouldn't know. So, um, yeah.

Helen:

Yeah. And tell us about like a, a sort of typical weekend for you guys, you know, what would you get up to?

Amy:

Uh, so usually on a Saturday, um, we go like to town, you know, we go shopping and we spend some time, have some time out and go for a meal. We're usually in a restaurant. Um, go shopping. They spend their pocket money, because obviously they get weekly pocket money. They just want to go Henry Codd, so they can just go and spend it as they will. Yeah, they're really good

Helen:

though, aren't they? Yeah. Yeah,

Amy:

got the limit on there. They could just do what they like.

Helen:

Yeah.

Amy:

So, yeah, and then on Sunday, I'm actually a Sunday school teacher as well. So, um, I teach the children at Sunday clubs. So, sometimes one of, like, our two come or none of them come. So, it's up to them if they want to come or not. And they do the Sunday club and activities. So yeah, and then obviously it's homework time and then back to bed on Friday for Monday.

Helen:

If you, if you think back, Amy, to 11 years ago or before that, before you became a foster carer, and you know, obviously you'd seen Celia and Terry and their lives and you had your perception of what you thought fostering would be like. Is it

Amy:

how you imagined it would be? Oh, much even better than that, I think, you know, obviously they had teenagers, so it's very different, you know, they're, but yeah, it's very, you know, it's much what we thought it would be, you know, it's good. Yeah, it's what, what Celia told us about, it's literally that, you know, it's so rewarding. Yeah, the support that you get is amazing from the, from the agency, you know, and the Super 8 social worker. Even though she's not, because lately she's just been, we've got a new one now, but she's still there. Kerry's still there. So, well, because we've got a new social worker, but she's still there. So,

Helen:

yeah. Yeah. So, what sort of things are they there to support you with if you need them?

Amy:

Oh, you know, if any allegations happened or sort of, um, problems at the school, you know, sometimes, you know. issues of the school, you know, maybe not having a good week at school or something. So they're there to support you through that, you know, and obviously getting them into the nursery when, when they were little babies. So yeah, sort of any contact issues that might, issues do happen with contacts. So, um. You know, they're there to support you with them.

Helen:

You touched there on something quite serious really that I think people might, might worry about before they become a foster carer. That if a child or a young person was to make an allegation against you, has that ever happened to you and how was that dealt with?

Amy:

Oh yeah, we, um, had a teenager, um, back in, 11 years ago, um, who, quite frankly, didn't want to be in care. Um, but obviously, the, it was, the referral through, she wanted a new mum or dad, so she came, so like, hey, because it was on, on paper, which seemed quite, quite good. Um, and then she moved in, and quite different, because obviously maybe the carer wanted her gone or something. So they were sort of not telling the whole truth about her behaviour. Um, yeah, she basically wanted to get out of care, so she climbed out, tried to climb out of her window, and we found her climbing out. And um, so we managed to get her back downstairs 'cause she wanted to go to go and get her fixed. Um, so we got her through the front door 'cause the police, the police just said, you've just gotta let her go. And then she, for an allegation, the fact that my husband. you know, assaulted her, but actually he was just trying to get her up, you know, and then the police were like, Oh no, that's not, you know, you know, you know, nothing about the child, you know, obviously that didn't happen. So yeah, but obviously there was meetings and what have you, and obviously it was all awful. So she'd tried that before. So, um, And

Helen:

did you feel really supported in that whole situation?

Amy:

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Full, full talked about the social worker and everyone was in agreement that it was just.

Helen:

Yeah.'cause I, I think that can be something that people would maybe be concerned about and worried about, but I think it's important to, to know that if that was to happen, you are fully supported by the, by the people around you, aren't you? Yeah.

Amy:

And you, you do do, you do do courses as well, so there's a lot of courses you can do. Um, The Shine, which is our, our training, internet training. So you get loads of courses you can do, you can pick any course, you, of anything. And actually they're on there, allegations courses on there, and sort of men, um, men, men to fostering courses on there, which my husband's done. So, um, yeah, you do sort of, and lots of different courses you can do, and which will prepare you for anything that would, could occur, which, obviously. Yeah, negation could occur. Yeah. Yeah. And as

Helen:

you say, there's so much training, isn't there? And so much education that you can learn about all sorts, can't you really?

Amy:

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

Helen:

So if anybody listening, Amy, was considering becoming a foster carer and maybe they did have a few things that they were concerned about, you know, what, what would you say to them?

Amy:

I'd tell you that, you know, the, the support is there. Um, it's a, it's a very supportive role, you know, obviously you've got the support from the agency. Um, and, you know, just if you know someone who fosters, um, talk to them, you know, cause they're the best people to speak to, you know, the people who've had experience and, um, yeah, just go for it and maybe call the agency up, call an agency, talk to them and obviously get the, get the ball rolling. So, um, but it's very rewarding and, you know, you couldn't, you know, Yeah. It's really good. Yeah.

Helen:

Oh, well, thank you so much for speaking to us today, Amy. You are absolutely doing Celia and Terry proud. You really are. I'm sure she will be so, so proud of you wherever she is. So thank you so, so much for talking to us today and, uh, and take care. Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering Group and make this the year you foster.