Voices of Fostering

Rachel - Fostering in the Armed Forces

• National Fostering Group • Season 3 • Episode 11

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In this episode of Voices of Fostering, we chat with Rachel, a carer recruitment officer from National Fostering Group. Rachel shares her unique story, starting from her life on an RAF base to becoming a foster parent and eventually adopting a child. She discusses the supportive environment of the RAF camp, the decision to foster, and the rewarding experiences it brought. Now, as a Carer Recruitment Officer, she helps guide others in their fostering journeys. Tune in to hear her insightful and heartwarming experiences.

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Helen:

Hello and welcome to this episode of Voices of Fostering. And today I'm delighted to be joined by one of our carer recruitment officers, Rachel. Hello, Rachel.

Rachel:

Hiya, how are you? All right,

Helen:

yeah, are you? Yeah,

Rachel:

good, thank you. Oh,

Helen:

thank you so much for joining us today. Now, you are a carer recruitment officer, which is a very exciting role within the National Fostering Group. But you've got really quite interesting and rich story that brought you to being a care recruitment officer and it starts with living on an RAF base, doesn't it? So can you just tell us for anybody who might not really understand what that's like, what it's like to live on a camp in the armed forces?

Rachel:

Um, well, I think first of all, I'd say it's a great place for children.

Helen:

Yeah.

Rachel:

So I have, um, two daughters. And, um, they were both born sort of whilst I lived on an RAF camp.

Helen:

Yeah.

Rachel:

And, um, you know, the facilities are brilliant. It's very child focused, it's child friendly, which then, um, helped when we fostered, really. Yeah. It's, um, a safe cocoon. It's, um, really sort of like going back in time, I guess, to the fact that everybody knows everybody. And it's a really supportive environment. So Lots of activities, swimming pools. I remember going to get the keys and popping to play tennis after school and youth clubs and coffee shops, you know mums and tots, everything on your doorstep.

Helen:

So I think what's interesting here is anybody watching or listening might not think that if you live in an armed forces camp or on a base that you'd be able to foster But you decided that you wanted to and you absolutely could, couldn't you? So tell us about that decision and what led you to want to do that.

Rachel:

So I come from a fostering family. My parents began fostering when I was probably late teens. Oh, right. And I absolutely loved it. I think one of my, um, the first foster children they had, she used to call me Mama Rach. And she was like my shadow. So it's kind of. From there, I always knew that I wanted to foster myself one day.

Helen:

Yeah.

Rachel:

But it's a case of waiting for the right time. So I think it's like a lot of people, you know, you have the idea that you want to foster, but sometimes it's that seed and you have to water it a little bit. Yeah. So I waited, um, I settled, I married, I had children. So I guess I was recruited probably 10, 15 years before I actually fostered. Um, my children got to probably be the age about five and six and I thought, right, okay, now's the time. Let's

Helen:

do it. That's really interesting how you say you were recruited 10 to 15 years before you actually did it. So you were on board, you were definitely going to do it. It was just waiting for the right time. So when your children were, was it, uh, your daughters seven and eight, did you say?

Rachel:

Yeah. So when we started the process, I guess, but I'm thinking about five or six. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. Gradually, it was kind of, you know, it took a little while. And, uh, by the time we had a placement, yeah, that was probably about that age.

Helen:

So why did that feel like the right time?

Rachel:

Um, We knew that at that point, we, you know, we were so family based, orientated, we were at the park, we were swimming, we were having days out, so why wait, you know, because we knew that a child could benefit from those things, that my children were used to fostering as well, because they'd grown up with fostering through my parents, so in my mind, They've grown up with more empathy, more understanding, they're kinder people, um, so why not, you know? Um, they've seen challenging behaviour through my parents, and It hasn't fazed them at all. I think it hasn't fazed them because ultimately they didn't have the responsibility for it. Um, you know, it's like at school, they see all children having tantrums and meltdowns all the time. I think that we over focus on that and we worry about that, but with careful explaining during those times, and you know that maybe, for example, if there was, um, bad language was used, it's It's within the home, you know, I'm there, I can fix it, I can correct it. So I didn't see that as a negative, I just saw it as a learning opportunity for them and it worked.

Helen:

Yeah.

Rachel:

Yeah.

Helen:

And going back to when you decided that you were going to foster, can you remember what those initial phone calls were like, what the assessment was like, can you remember how you felt?

Rachel:

Yeah, I, um, Once we decided, I was, I was really excited, so I'm kind of, I'm one of those people that wants to do it straight away. Yeah. I wanted to do it yesterday. So that was it, phone call made, we're going to do it. So, um, but the assessment, I love the assessment process. Um, yes, some people say it's quite intrusive. Yeah. But I didn't find it that way. If you like to talk, which I do, um, then you know, um, It's like a friend coming for a cup of tea. Yeah, the two words

Helen:

I hear a lot are the first one you use, intrusive, but also therapeutic, I think as well.

Rachel:

Yeah, and I've got to say my children enjoyed it as well, but they enjoyed it to the point where actually they'd become quite embarrassing when the assessor was like, okay, don't do that. Okay, stop that right now. But, you know. They were

Helen:

too comfortable. Yeah.

Rachel:

Absolutely. And you know they're too comfortable when the assessor takes your children to another room to have a little chat and she comes back and she says, yeah, I can't really do anything with Heidi right now because she was a bit too excited. Um, but you know, we, as a family, as a whole, we really enjoyed the assessment process.

Helen:

Yeah.

Rachel:

And

Helen:

then you had a lovely little boy come and live with you, didn't you? So tell us about him.

Rachel:

Um, he arrived at the age of four, um, found a school place straight away. And he settled in beautifully. He, um, hadn't had experience of very much at all, if I'm honest. And so he was like a sponge, absolute sponge and up for anything. So camp life was amazing for him. You know, to go from sort of having no, experience, little social interaction, to then live in an environment where your school friends, one's next door, one's down the street, the other one's around the corner, you know, he just couldn't believe his luck, I think. And, um, or, you know, okay, today after school, we're going swimming. Now I know a lot of people do that, but on the camp, we kind of just, you know, pop there. We sign ourselves in, we jump in. We pretty much have the pool to ourselves at this point. So, you know, Luke being sort of loving his, um, these opportunities, he'd be jumping in the deep end. That's not quite, that's not such a good idea. You can't swim yet, but you know, he just loved every minute of it. He really did.

Helen:

So you only fostered the bridging

Rachel:

placement before Luke for a weekend. And then we. Yeah, just, yeah, just Luke. Yeah. So you could say I'm not a particularly good foster carer. You said that to me before we started

Helen:

recording. She said I'm a bit of a rubbish foster carer in that, you know, I just sort of

Rachel:

Yeah, he arrived, we fell in love and we adopted him. And that's it. So he's now your son? Yes, he is.

Helen:

Amazing. And how old is he now then?

Rachel:

He is Um, actually 15 in December.

Helen:

Wow.

Rachel:

Yeah. And he's settled beautifully, you know. Um, we could not adopt him at that point. And I'm not saying that's for everybody because of course not. And some children can't be adopted. Yeah. Let's face it. Every

Helen:

situation is different. But

Rachel:

for us, you know, he, he, he, just become one of the family. Yeah. Um, he adored the girls, they adored him and it just felt like the right thing to do to be honest.

Helen:

Yeah.

Rachel:

Yeah.

Helen:

But your connection with fostering didn't end there because now it's your career, isn't it? So you're one of our carer recruitment officers within the National Fostering Group. So tell us about what that means.

Rachel:

Okay. So I kind of, um, I go to events and talk to people about fostering, which is great because I can talk about that all day long. And, um, I also go out to visit people for their IV. So the IV is the initial visit. Um, and so I will go through, you know, what it entails, the assessment process as a whole, what to expect, behaviours, what it's like going to panel, all the way through, you know, the support that you would receive from social workers. All of it really. Yeah.

Helen:

And when you first talk to people, do you tell them about your own personal experience? All the time. Yeah. So they know straight away that you, you know, you're not just saying this off the scripts. You know it firsthand, don't you?

Rachel:

Oh, absolutely. I, I always talk about it. I talk about my experience. I talk about my parents experiences as well. Because I think, you know, it just makes it, It's, it's relatable, isn't it? And it's kind of, yeah, absolutely. And it's also a really, really positive story. And I think sometimes that we can focus on negative a little bit too much, you know, we can focus on these children have got really, really challenging behaviors, you know, to expect the worst. My experience is it's not, that's not always the case. And, you know, we strive at NFG to have the correct placements. And if they're the correct placements, they make it a little bit easier. I think that, um, I can go out and talk about the positives in the fact that my son is now, you know, really settled. He's in air cadets. He wants to join the RAF. He does well at school and, um, you know, and his life's turned around. I actually, I remember an occasion when he hadn't been with us too long and I enrolled him at, um, theater school for sort of social skills and, um, a confidence boost.

Helen:

Yeah.

Rachel:

And he was doing a show at the Gordon Craig theater in Stevenage and he sat on the stair. Um, just looking quite stressed actually, I'm not going to lie. And, um, but he couldn't put into words that he was nervous. So, through conversation, obviously, we established that he was just very, very nervous. And, um, I said to him, Luke, if you can walk into my door at six o'clock on a Friday, with the clothes, in the clothes that you're stood in, having been at court all day, and settle in, Into our home and find your feet and do that. You can do anything. And I, and I believe that.

Helen:

Yeah. There's real resilience there then, isn't there?

Rachel:

Yeah. And so now I still, I still believe that.

Helen:

Yeah. So tell us about the work that you do then with promoting foster caring within the armed forces. gazebo going from place to place, you know, what is it that you do? Well,

Rachel:

it's the best because. Obviously, I'm no longer on an RAF camp, so I don't get to do all of those fun things anymore. So I kind of, um pushed my way in a little bit to some family's days and um, we take along our gazebo, leaflets, we take lots of goodies for the kids as well to hand out and we talk about fostering and we've been so well received and you know people have given us time even if they've not been interested in fostering now they've come over and asked us multiple questions and you know really really been interested and The great thing about that is that's the seed, isn't it? And so they might not be doing it now, and they might not be saying to us, you know, could I have an IV? Could I register some interest? Can I have an IV? But they're listening, they're taking it on board, and so maybe in five years, or ten years, Or like you

Helen:

when it was ten to fifteen, wasn't it? Or something, yeah.

Rachel:

And so, um, And the beauty of it is we get to go to the, like I said, these families days where we have flyovers and there's loads of, we see great families and we have a nice time. But also, you know, we, we hope to recruit.

Helen:

What do you find people think in general about being a foster carer within the armed forces? Do people generally think that they can't do it?

Rachel:

A lot of people have come over and said you know, I didn't think I could. Yeah. Because of postings, deployments and things like that. And I think the answer to that is there's lots of different types of fostering. So for example, if you're at this moment in time, if you can, you know, do long term fostering, how about respite? You know, how about having a child, welcome a child for a weekend to give them a short break. There are, there are different types and I think that it's a case of having those conversations rather than just making assumptions.

Helen:

Yeah. And what do you think is the, the biggest misconception about fostering that people have?

Rachel:

I've had people say, you know, um, Oh, I couldn't do that. You know, I, I couldn't, I couldn't love a child or care for a child like I do my own. Um, And I think my answer to that is, how many blended families are there in the UK today, where there are stepchildren that you adore and love as much as your own children. So what's the difference to, with a foster child? Yeah. What's the difference? And so I think that, um, it's easy to love a child and it's rewarding to see a child that hasn't had that love and that support go on to achieve. So it's a win win, isn't it?

Helen:

I think it's important to remember as well that when you start fostering, you're by no means alone, are you? Like you've got so much support. So just tell us about if someone was to start on their fostering journey, they'd meet somebody like you? Wouldn't they initially? And then what sort of support would they have throughout their journey?

Rachel:

Okay, so I would be along the way, you know, it's not a case of, Oh, I do an IV. I'm going to disappear now. You know, if you have a question, a problem, that's an initial

Helen:

visit, isn't it?

Rachel:

And you know, problems along the way, get in touch. Like we're here to help. We're there on the day of panel, you know, it's exciting. We, we want to. to see people do well. Um, but obviously this is social workers, they're supporting social worker that will always be there to support them. But you know, we've got a great team, in particular, Jay, where our registered managers, Nikki's always there to talk to our carers. We have great support workers, um, even down to Carl in the office, who's always there at the end of the phone. We've just, the support networks are vast. Yeah. And then I would like to add, you know, fostering on a camp, there are additional support networks. So on each camp, you know, there's a, there's the hive, which is like the community center where there's a team of ladies in there that are there to, to help and give advice and run fun events. Like, you know, for example, we went to a teddy bears picnic and, um, a fun day in the summer. So there's welfare, like I said, welfare officers, there's lots of different things on camps as well. So the support is. Yeah,

Helen:

there's always somebody there to help you, isn't there? So if anybody was listening or watching now, Rachel, who maybe they're in the armed forces or maybe they're not, you know, and they're thinking about fostering, what would you say to them? How would you encourage them to do it?

Rachel:

I would say, um, give us a ring at NFG, um, and speak to a carer recruitment officer. And take that time to have the conversation, ask the question, don't just make the assumptions, um, we will always have the time to discuss fostering, um, because if you don't ask, you know, you don't know the answers, and the beauty of NFG, we're nationwide, so obviously there are lots of bases across the country, um, So yeah, I just think that it would be silly not to.

Helen:

And if someone was to call, it doesn't mean they're signing up there and then. It could be 10 to 15 years along the road.

Rachel:

I have spoken to people within my role for four or five months. Yeah. Before they've made that decision. Yeah. And do you know what? I will carry on speaking to them up into a year if I have to. And that's okay, isn't it? There's no rush. And it's got to the point where, you know, with some people, we just drop each other a text. I'm not quite ready this month. You know, life's got in the way. Something's happened. Okay. Then do you want me to give you a call next month? Yeah. Okay. I do. So it's case of, you know, it's waiting for the right time. Have those conversations because we won't pressure you. We never put any pressure on anybody.

Helen:

So fostering, Rachel, has had such a profound impact on your life. Can you just sum up for us, like, what it's done for your life, what it's brought to your life?

Rachel:

Well, it's brought lots of, um, really funny moments. It's, it's given me multiple siblings, um, and nieces and nephews. And, um, and now I have a really, really lovely son. And through that, I feel blessed that it's given my. daughters, you know, all of these experiences that other children haven't had. Um, I, I think that, you know, it just opens your eyes to the world and, and it's doing that bit of good, isn't it?

Helen:

That's wonderful. I think we'll leave it there. Thank you so much, Rachel. It's been wonderful to speak to you today. Thank you. Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to get involved in the conversation, we would love to hear your questions. Maybe there's something you'd really like to ask about fostering. Get in touch. You can email us on podcast at nfa. co. uk.