Voices of Fostering

Lisa - I grew up in a fostering family, now I work in fostering!

• National Fostering Group • Season 3 • Episode 13

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In this episode of 'Voices of Fostering,' Lisa shares her experiences working within  National Fostering Group and her personal journey growing up in a fostering family. Lisa talks about her role as the Referral Hub Manager in Scotland, the qualities that make a great foster carer, and the significance of supporting birth children involved in fostering. Tune in to hear heartfelt stories and invaluable insights into the fostering world.

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Helen:

Hello, and welcome to this episode of Voices of Fostering, where today I'm delighted to be joined by Lisa. Hello,

Lisa:

Lisa. Good morning.

Helen:

Thank you so much for joining us today. It's really, really good to have you on the podcast. So Lisa, we've got loads to talk about, and you've just said to me off air that you are a talker. So this is good. Definitely a good start. So Lisa, firstly, tell us about your job role because you actually work within the National Fostering Group, don't you? But there's, there's much more to your story than that, but we'll start with, with your role at NFG. Tell us about that.

Lisa:

Yeah. So currently I am the referral with a hub manager up here in Scotland. Um, so there's myself and my coordinator of a team of two, and we liaise with all the local authorities here in Scotland to help children requiring foster family homes. Um, they're not able to live at home with various circumstances. And we then match in with who we have available on our vacant carer list to see how they can support that young person, the needs of the young person. Um, we do consider logistics as well, because as some people do know that Scotland is a very large country. Um, but we liaise with all the local authorities, help those kids match in, but more so make sure it is the right match. We don't want them to move on for any reason. We have established this referral hub back in November 2021, because there was a need for one in Scotland. for your time. Um, so I've been here with the company since then, um, and we have, I mean, I've loved every minute of it, um, but it's, it's so rewarding in the way of when we get to liaise with the carers, such as like family fund days, or they come in for the support groups. Um, I ask, I ask about all my kids and I don't call them just the kids. How, how's your kids getting? They're my kids. Um, or my girls or my boys. Just yes.'cause I am quite personal lately way. Um, uh, yeah. But we do, we do more like I work in contracts wise as well with our commissioning team. Um, a lot of paperwork we liaise with the local authorities in the way of monitoring meetings. Um, contract meetings further on, um, yeah, we did quite a bit actually, quite a bit. So when you, you think, God, no, that, that is just more so the role and for actually entails the extras that you do on top. Um, so we like to get involved with as much as possible that we can do, um, especially the family funders because. You get the carers off guard, in a way, because they're so relaxed. They're like at the safari park, or we're at the zoo, or we're just having like a wee thing in the office for the kids. And it could just be that they're mingling and doing their activities. The carers are so relaxed, so, and it's nice to see them, how settled the carers are. with looking after these kids as well. So Lisa, obviously you work with lots of foster carers. You've met many over the few years that you've, you've worked within the National Fostering Group. What would you say makes a great foster carer? Oh, um. Oh, have I stumped you?

Helen:

Yeah,

Lisa:

um, personally, I would say patience, um, understanding. Love. Love is a big thing. Um, be open, be open to different types of conversations that you're going to have, not just with a social workers, but you're going to have them with kids as well. Um, and they may come out with things that has happened before they've moved with you. And it's that whole understanding, that patience going, right, well let's talk it through. Um, so having that nurturing side as well, to just be able to be their person, be their safe person. Um, but yeah. You can't just put one thing on it. You can't just put one, title on it. Yeah. It's a whole mixture. It's like the wee cauldron and you've got to do all your potions and you've got some of this bottle and some of that bottle. But it

Helen:

sounds like you look for people who will do this with, with their hearts. And that sounds like it's absolutely what you do in your job. Isn't it? Like you do it with your whole heart, don't you? I can tell already. So what, why is that, Lisa? I mean, obviously you've got a background in fostering, so tell us about that and what led you to it.

Lisa:

So my mum and dad have fostered now since they got, they first got approved December, uh, 1999. So we're now going to be at 25 years next month.

Helen:

Wow.

Lisa:

Um, they have had our last count. And this was before our current two kids that we have, both sisters who we've got for permanence and has been living with us for nearly six years. We have had over 140 kids through our doors over the, over the 25 years. And some have just been short break, some have been interim, some have been long term, um, some have been challenging, some have been pretty easy kids, some have broke my heart, and I will, yes, some have broke my heart. Um, some, you could see that this wasn't going to be their forever home, um, in the way that they needed extra support, and then they did move on, um, But yeah, it's always stuck with me and even now to this day, I am 37, I am still their nominated carer and I am still classed with their local authority as a child who fosters because I've grew up that way. Um, so in the past I've, I've done some recruitment nights as discussions when I was in my teens. Back then and again with the carer recruitment officers here, I've helped out at open days and um, when there's been like gala days, um, we've put up stalls and had discussions with walkers by that's approached the stall to then discuss what Foston is actually like. Um, I mean it is hard work, um, but yeah, it's, it's the longevity of it and it's something my mum's dad's always wanted to do, they were only able to have me, they would have loved more cats. And at that end of the day, they were like, what can we do? What, how can we help other kids? And that is the route that they came down.

Helen:

Yeah. So going back to, to the late nineties, you know, you were a teenager and can you remember, you know, when your parents would have come to you and said, Lisa, this is what we've decided to do. Can you remember that time? Can we go, can we go back to then?

Lisa:

I mean,

Helen:

my

Lisa:

mom previously divorced and was a childminder when I was really young. So there was always kids. Yeah. About the house. Yeah. Um, grew up that way and being an only sibling, I was really close to her friends kids and one of which, um, didn't always have the best kind of start in life. So we took him under our wing and it was their most weekends. We went to school together. Um, and I think reflection, the mum would say the same. If he had came with her care, it would have been totally different now. Um, But we've always helped and supported other, like, extended family, we've, um, supported friends that have kids, where even like, just a day out, or even like, yeah, we've had this family emergency, oh yep, here they come, you're coming this weekend. But it was always open door, and even to this day with friends of mine that have been friends for years, they don't chat my mum and dad's door, it's an open door policy. Everyone's welcome and it's always been like that. So it's very much a loving house, very family orientated house as well. Um, and I think that's what again makes another good carer as well is just being that open and being just a good friend to everybody. Not just a parent, but a role model as a friend. Um, but yeah, I remember that conversation and we, Included with the assessment, the work kids got brought in to have a talk to social workers and just to see their thoughts. Um, so we had a wee kind of, um, support group, there was quite a few of us, um, and one of the things that I had also fought for from basically the word go was a birth support group for children, um, to talk about what we are seeing every day, if there's a challenging young person, um, that is needing more therapeutical work, how we can see that being portrayed on our parents, and I fought and fought for years and by the time they got one established it was too late for me. Um, I was then in my late teens, and that's one of the things that I asked, actually, in my interview at National Folsom Group, what do you do for the Buff kids? And between me and a family support worker, um, within one of the agencies, she started at the same time as me. And we, um, We talked, we said, we would love to do this, and she said, so da, and we just started one for the birth kids that we have within that agency, and yes, there's been times where they're like, oh, we've got something else on, we can't make it, or we're not really first in coming this week, but it's always there, and the kids still to this day can talk to the family support worker, or they can reach out to me via my work mobile if they just want a chat. We're always here for them, no matter what the circumstance is. Yeah, so why do you think, Lisa,

Helen:

it is so important for, for birth children to have that support group? Because as you say, it can be an amazing experience for birth children, but it can be challenging at times as well, can't it? It can.

Lisa:

You don't want to, for me personally, I've never wanted to be a burden to my mum and dad of my thoughts and my feelings of somebody, of a child who can't be looked after by parents or kinship carers that is same with us. And how I'm feeling, you don't want to emburden them with your emotions. So to then have that birth support group going, God, this is going wrong this week and this is how I'm feeling. Just for the, for a child to vent, it's their safe space. We're not going to go back to the parents and say, this is what they exactly said. I mean, we would just give the parents a heads up to say, listen, if they want to come and reach out to us, in the meantime, we're here, there has been things mentioned, um, we just obviously want to check in more often, if that is all right with you, we'll always give the parents their place. But it's a safe space, like you can say how good a week that you're having with kids in your house that's been looked after, or a bad week, or it might not even be to do with you. Wah! Any of the child being looked after in the house could be something to do with school. So they could say, I don't want to tell my mum and dad but I've got trouble with not handing in my homework this week. Yeah, that's fine. Well, what did you do to sort that situation out? Did you hand it in late? Did you apologise? So we're kind of like a friend, but more so like a kind of, not a parent, But somebody that they can talk to, somebody that's not clinical, because there is still, I think, stigmatism. And even as an adult, I still think there's a stigmatism way of, um, therapeutic care, um, and going to therapy, even though we have it within our office, there is something there that stops me from fully opening up. But just to have that safe person, we have it for everybody, and why shouldn't the birth kids get it? Because they have got the best care. biggest role in the, I think, in the house, being the role model to a younger person going, this is how, yeah, this is how well I should be doing in school. But not everybody, not every kid will be able to do the things that another child will be able to do. But yeah, they're, they're an integral part of the family. They're, they're going to grow up with it. They're going to have all the emotions and The good weeks, the bad weeks, like I said, and yeah, we just want to be there to support them. The carers get it. So why not them?

Helen:

And thinking back, you know, over the years that your parents have fostered since you were, you know, a teenager, what are some of the highlights, Lisa? What do you think are some of the things that you've, that you've learned or are there any children or young people that particularly stand out that you remember?

Lisa:

Yeah. I mean, there is a few and some for me growing up. At one point I, I even said to my mum and dad, I don't think I would ever have kids. Like, it's hard being a parent. I can see how you do it to other kids every day of the week. Um, and they'll be, I mean, I've now got my daughter who's 13. Um, but it's, it's that way of when you're a teenager, you don't realise how hard work it, well you, you don't actually realise how hard work it is. It looks like hard work, but actually it's not as bad as you think. But there is kids we are, we have had. The physical aggression, the verbal aggression, the running away from home and not be coming home when they're meant to and being returned by police. We've had so many different things that we have worked with, with children, worked with the social workers and help support that child in question to whatever they need. Um, one, a few of my colleagues know already, we've spoke about a couple of the carers actually also know, because we've, we open up discussions. Um, within the referral team and have a kind of catch up on a quarterly basis. And one of our carers has just recently had one young person move who was a baby she got from the hospital. And they've went to the adoptive family and she is feeling it right now. So I've reached out to her to say, I've had this, like we've had it with my mum and dad. Yes, your social workers will obviously be there for support. I'm here because I've lived through it, and it's the worst when it's a baby. Um, and I was telling her about a young person that we got. He was three months old. He went back for rehabilitation back home. It didn't work. And whilst he was at home, just before his first birthday, we got a phone call from the social work to say, Listen, there's a prime baby being born and we're waiting on her, being discharged. Would you take her? And we're like, yeah, perfect. We were so excited, started buying things. We And literally about a week later, we got a phone call to say, Listen, little one's coming back. Family's not worked out. Do you want to still take the prem baby? Or do you, do you want to take him back? And without a question, like my mum answered that phone going, I don't need to ask Lisa. I don't need to ask my husband. We're going to have him back. And we seen him then being adopted. And I, it broke my heart. Like, I wanted him. I wanted to adopt him. I didn't want him to go anywhere. Seeing him then grew up, growing up over the years because we still have letterbox contacts and we have, we have visiteeds. and we reach out like if they need us, but we always do the Christmas cards. We always do the birthday cards. And the scary thing for me is it was 18 passed in March and, but he was still my boy and I broke my heart. And one of my coping mechanisms is to walk away from that kind of situation, take a breather. And I was early 20s at this point. And I said to my mum, no, I'm done. I am done with fostering. I can't do this anymore. And I broke down and she'd said, like, let's talk about it. And I, I moved out. I moved in with my friends who had a spare room. She was, so we flat shared for two years. I eventually moved back to my mum's, but I didn't then become as close. To any of the kids from that, he broke my heart. And he, he's doing so well, he's off to uni, he's just doing amazing. Um, we've kept in touch with so many kids that we have looked after over the years. Some have reconnected with my mum as adults via Facebook or any other social media platform. Um, but one, another one that sticks out, who we see regularly, is our young person that was adopted by one of our carer recruitment officers. So she works within our agency and her daughter will be 17 next month. Um, and it was our career recruitment officer that said, listen, we've got this role. Do you fancy doing it? You would do amazing. And I've never thought about working within social work or fostering that way and applied. And lo and behold, we're sitting here, Helen, having a chat. Um, but yeah, we, I still see that young person on a regular basis. We're just a kind of extended aunt and uncle and cousins and family way that way. Um, she doesn't get away with not giving me a hug anytime I see her because she's quite, she doesn't like hugs. She doesn't like showing emotion that much and I'm always shouting over and get her to give me a hug or give her a hug. Um, but yeah, we've seen her grow and she's, oh, it's been amazing still to have that. time with her and just seeing her go from that baby to that young woman that she is. And she's, oh, she's doing amazing. She should be so proud of herself.

Helen:

Yeah. Yeah. So working in foster care now, Lisa, is that something that you always thought you might do? No, no, no. Yeah, it just happened.

Lisa:

Yeah. Um, I'm not saying it fell on my lap. Um, I left school at the Well, just before I turned 18, and I worked in travel, um, for nearly 17 years, um, so it was that way of, that was all I knew. I was booking everyone's holiday and wishing them. safe travels and getting jealous of where they were traveling to. Um, and for me, for a change, it wasn't as rewarding as what I wanted in life. I wanted something more. Um, and with COVID, it makes you realize quite a lot of things. it makes you realize what is important in life and what's not important in life. And when our, well, Pam, our career recruitment officer, um, she was having a catch up with my mum and dad and they says, listen, Lisa's really unhappy in her work. Like we don't know what's going to happen. COVID's really struggled with the travel and the travel industry's really struggled with COVID. And she says, I've got a job coming up in our office. Do you think she'll be on Jaycee? And they just says, give her a phone and just go through it, see if she would be. And I thought, why not? Like, this is something I know. This is something that I have lived with, that I can resonate with carers. And give them, not just the reassurances of what it is like to foster, because they've fostered for a number of years, some of our carers. Um, but just having that, having that way of resonating with them on a personal level. And throughout all the times, I mean, we've implemented things within the referral hub of, such as if we discuss a referral of a child with a carer, take the night. Like I've gave you all this information. Have your family discussions tonight and I'll phone you tomorrow. I don't want an answer now. Because this is a big decision on, for this child. We need you to be all in to help this young person. And I kept saying to them, have your family discussions, and they're like, but we're the carer, like we're the main carer. I says, but yeah, it's going to affect your husband or wife. It's going to affect the kids in the house. You sit around that kitchen table tonight, just like I did with my mum and dad, and have those family discussions off right. We've had the phone call. This is the young person, this is age, and what sex they are, and where they come from, and what they need from us, and, um, how they're doing at school. Like, what can we do to help this young person? And can we help this young person? Because it's not just you that's the carer. The whole house is. Um, and I think for that way, the carers then really have understood that we are all for them, but we are also for the children, and we are not just filling a bed. And I hate that saying, and I hate the way that some, some people can see it in that way as a business way. These are kids lives that you're working with. These are the most important years of their life that they are going to have. trauma. They are going to need so much nurture and love and be shown that affection that they might not have been shown. This is the wonder years, as I call it, and we need to make sure it's the right family for that young person. Um, and we, we've just always had that established relationship with now our carers, nearing them coming into panel. Most of them come into the office for their, like, their panel and get that approval verbally before getting it all written up. And we introduce ourselves. We come out into the foyer and go, I'm Lisa and this is Jane, my coordinator. We give them a pamphlet and a booklet away with them with all their details and what the referral hub needs from them, what they need, like, what they would need from us, and just giving them that brief description. But even just to have our picture on the back of the booklet to say this to them. This is who you're speaking to over the phone. Here's your numbers, here's your email addresses. It's open door. If you're visiting the office, we'll happily come into the foyer and speak to you and have a sit and chat, cup of tea, cup of coffee, whatever. But if you need us, you pick up the phone straight away. And likewise for us, if we're giving you a call about a child that we've had paperwork on, just be available at the next convenient time. If we, if we phone you to discuss that child. And you're busy, just drop us a text saying can you give us a call back at the back of four. That's fine, we'll give you a call, don't worry. But we're very, very aware with the carers that it is the family dynamic and we keep reminding them anytime we speak to them about a child. And they've all heard it in the office, I mean the head office has heard it as well with feedback of carers, yes, are who we're matching with, but the priority is any other children in that house. So if there's another child in that house and we've got this child to discuss, is it a match for them? The carers are more than skilled, more than experienced, it's always the kids in the house that I think of first. But yeah, it's an, it's an amazing eye. I don't know. I don't know actually how to describe my role. I don't know how to describe my feelings. It's just one of those jobs that you enjoy coming into the office and you enjoy taking in events. And you, I have never had, well actually I was going to say I've never had a day where I don't want to be in the office. There has been one day where I've got COVID. I was like, I just want my bed, but I've had so much work to get done that I've worked on. Um, I've never actually had that feeling of what others have had within other office environments. Of, I don't want to go into work today. I'm always looking forward to coming and going, right, I wonder who we're going to get today. I wonder which child we're going to match today and be able to find them a home. That's it.

Helen:

That's such a great film. It's been so wonderful speaking to you, Lisa, but so just to sort of finish really, um, you know, you, you work in fostering now, but obviously with a massive background in, you know, being part of a fostering family yourself. If anyone listening now was considering fostering, but has birth children and is maybe concerned about those birth children, you know, what would you say to them? How would you encourage them to get in touch?

Lisa:

I would definitely encourage them to look at it further. My. From personal times, and even my friends have reached out to my mum and dad thinking about fostering. And my mum and dad said exactly the same as what I would do. Wait until your kids are just that little bit older to understand and how they can help a young person. So that's why my mum and dad waited to start going through their assessment when I was 11. Um, my friends have also become old school mates, have also become foster carers. And they were, they did wait until their kids were a certain age before they started fostering. And again, likewise, Actually, it's a husband's parents who also foster. So it's that way of, there's such a wee kind of tight community, actually, with nearby mum and dad, with so many foster carers, that we all know each other. Um, speak to your child. If there is anything at all that they are saying no to, take that on board for one. You wanted such as information about, the birth children and the way of how they can be supported. Explore your option. Obviously with a national fostering group here in Scotland, we have that support group for them. Not everybody does it, certainly very limited in local authorities. And I think that's also one of the reasons to why we are the biggest independent fostering agency in the UK because of the amount of support, not just for carers or children being looked after. but for everybody else in the family. And we're one big family here. So definitely it's so rewarding. It is a great thing to do, not just for families, but also for the kids that's need looked after. It is hard work. It is, there's going to be some challenges and you will come across them, but it's not much more different to what you would have your own challenges with your own both kids. It's just slightly different and slightly way of practicing doing that role. You get to see it all in the background and just be involved in everything. Um, but yeah, it's,

Helen:

it's,

Lisa:

it's one of the best things you could do.

Helen:

That's wonderful. Thank you so, so much Lisa for talking to us today and uh, yeah, have a nice day. Thank you so much. No worries. Take care. Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to get involved in the conversation, we would love to hear your questions. Maybe there's something you'd really like to ask about fostering, get in touch. You can email us on podcast at nfa. co. uk.