Scott - We started fostering in our early 20s!

In the latest episode of our Voices of Fostering podcast, Helen speaks with Scott, a foster carer who started fostering in his early 20s. Scott speaks about what inspired him and his wife to step into fostering, how they navigated the challenges of starting during the pandemic, and the emotional experience of welcoming their first placement—two brothers—right before Christmas.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction and Welcome
• 0:23 Becoming a Foster Carer During COVID
• 0:56 Inspiration and Initial Concerns
• 1:24 Assessment Process and Support
• 4:12 First Placement Experience
• 7:04 Adjusting to Foster Care
• 9:34 Training and Therapeutic Parenting
• 12:55 Reflections and Future Aspirations
• 14:22 Advice for Aspiring Foster Carers
• 15:31 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Transcript

00:00:00 Helen 

Welcome along to this episode of Voices of Fostering where I'm delighted today to be joined by Foster carer Scott. Hello, Scott. 

00:00:09 Scott 

Hello, you alright? 

00:00:10 Helen 

Yeah, good. Thank you. How are you? 

00:00:12 Scott 

I'm good. Thank you. 

00:00:14 Helen 

Well, it's wonderful to have you with us today and I can't wait to hear all about your story and and what led you to to be in a foster care. 

00:00:22 Helen 

It's been a few years now, hasn't it? Three years, but doing some maths that means that you were maybe being assessed to be a foster carer during COVID? No. So. So how did that go then? Tell us all about it. 

00:00:36 Scott 

So I actually sort of went through the process towards the end of COVID. We were quite lucky because when we went through assessments as sort of when they first started doing face to face assessments again instead of over virtual. 

00:00:39 Helen 

OK. 

00:00:50 Helen 

Yeah. So it was better being, you know, in in person rather than than doing everything online and and what was it that that led you to want to? 

00:00:59 Helen 

Be a foster care. 

00:01:00 Helen 

Chris Scott. 

00:01:01 Scott 

So my wife'll mum and. 

00:01:03 Scott 

Stepdad are actually foster carers. 

00:01:05 Helen 

Oh wow. OK. 

00:01:06 Scott 

And they've been for about 10 years now, so we've always been around that the the sort of industry, shall we say, and and we've, you know, we've seen how they've changed children's lives and how it's helped them grow as people as well. And and it's so we just sort of fell into. 

00:01:14 Helen 

Yeah. 

00:01:23 Scott 

Really. 

00:01:24 Helen 

Yeah. So what was it like at the at the very beginning? You know, how how did you feel when you were going for assessment and what and what was the assessment process like? 

00:01:34 Scott 

Speaking of, I was really nervous because I didn't know what to expect. I've never done any sort of childcare before. 

00:01:42 Scott 

So basically we foster other agency called Heath Farm fostering. They're an amazing agency. So when you first sort of get in touch with them and you have your, your recruitment officer come out and she. 

00:01:55 Scott 

Is. 

00:01:55 Scott 

She settles all your nerves within minutes of speaking to her. She is absolutely amazing and she basically talks us through the process. 

00:02:03 Scott 

And basically where it goes from there, we had a few visits with with her, and then we get passed on to a independent assessor. 

00:02:12 Scott 

So that's so it's non biassed. Somebody complete doesn't know us. 

00:02:16 Scott 

And he comes see him. Then we have to complete a form F and that's kind of your whole life story going back as far as you can remember. 

00:02:24 

Yeah. 

00:02:26 Helen 

It's quite involved, isn't it? Yeah. 

00:02:26 Scott 

Always your child. 

00:02:28 Scott 

It is, yes, and it's it is. Don't worry, it can feel quite. 

00:02:33 Scott 

Tricky cause you're trying to remember everything. 

00:02:35 Scott 

But the people doing assessments, obviously they're highly trained and they are very good at their jobs as well. And when you get your F4F back to sort of approve that at the end it's like. 

00:02:43 Scott 

You're reading a book about yourself. 

00:02:45 Helen 

Yeah. 

00:02:47 Helen 

Yeah, sort of like you've written your autobiography. So was there anything at the beginning, Scott, that maybe you were concerned about? You know what, what were your sort of misconceptions, maybe or the things that you were worried about and and how were they dealt with? Can you think of? 

00:03:06 Helen 

Anything in particular? 

00:03:07 Scott 

I think a big. 

00:03:08 Scott 

Thing for us was our age. 

00:03:11 Scott 

So we obviously went through quite young, so a little bit about 22 going on to 23 when we went through the process and we haven't got kids of our. 

00:03:21 Scott 

Own. 

00:03:22 Scott 

So it was always in the back of our mind. Can we do this with how little spirits we have looking after children? 

00:03:31 Scott 

But like I said, Heath Farm, the support you get from him is amazing. 

00:03:35 Scott 

And and the recruitment also Shields with us every step of the way. Just a phone call away. Any doubts we we spoke to her and she just set us at ease really. 

00:03:45 Helen 

Yeah. So I suppose wanting to become a foster carer in your early 20s maybe is unusual. Did did you feel that you were taken seriously, though? 

00:03:58 Scott 

We did. We did begin with. 

00:03:59 Scott 

We, well, I'll say to begin with, yeah, we we we was taken very seriously. 

00:04:04 Scott 

Like I said. 

00:04:05 Scott 

I could only tell you some experience from my agency and we are treated as equal professionals there. 

00:04:10 Helen 

Yeah. 

00:04:11 Helen 

Brilliant. So tell us about your your first placement then obviously you, you know, you do your assessment, you for math, you find out you've been approved at imagine that was a, you know, a wonderful moment. And then your first placement. How did that happen? 

00:04:27 Scott 

So we so we've got approved in November 2021. So that's when we met with our panel. 

00:04:34 Scott 

And we didn't actually get our first placement until December of 2021. So as was a little bit of a unique circumstance. So we actually got our boys a week before Christmas. 

00:04:46 Helen 

Oh wow. 

00:04:48 Scott 

So that was a very stressful time and it was our boys first time in foster care as well. So it was actually quite a nice thing because they didn't know what to expect and we didn't know what to expect. 

00:05:00 Helen 

Yeah. 

00:05:02 Scott 

So yeah, leading up to that, once we've every panel, we got alligator, our social, our supervised and social worker. 

00:05:09 Scott 

Who basically makes sure you're doing a train and they're they're like your one to one support. They're your go to. 

00:05:15 Scott 

And basically we we got our referrals through. 

00:05:20 Scott 

Read through them and she supported us with them. 

00:05:23 Scott 

And then, yeah, so we we went for our two boys, we got approved for them and we were matched for them. 

00:05:28 Scott 

They they turned up, and I normally I've never been so scared in my life. 

00:05:32 Helen 

Yeah, I was just going to ask you, what did you feel like at that time? Can you remember the feelings? 

00:05:39 Scott 

Alright. 

00:05:39 Scott 

And remember it like it was yesterday. I could do the butterflies in my stomach. I can start to get shakes. 

00:05:41 Helen 

Yeah. 

00:05:46 Scott 

And as much as soon as we answered the door, our hearts just broke because you least you got these two, two small, vulnerable children on your doorstep, scared just as scared as we. 

00:05:58 Helen 

Are, yeah. 

00:05:59 Scott 

We've never met them before and it was it was heartbreaking. They they they came into our house. It was around Christmas time. We had all the Christmas decorations. 

00:06:09 Scott 

Up. Yeah, so. 

00:06:10 Scott 

That I think that, you know, helps them feel quite homely to begin with and. 

00:06:16 Scott 

We had a few conversations with them with their social workers at. 

00:06:18 Scott 

The time and. 

00:06:20 Scott 

Basically, yeah, the social work when it's like, well, now we've got. 

00:06:22 Scott 

Two children living with us. 

00:06:24 Helen 

Yeah. 

00:06:25 Scott 

And like I said, very up and down, the children were so scared. They're almost like deer in headlights. Yeah, they they didn't know what to do with themselves. They didn't know what to say and all that. So we we showed them their bedrooms. 

00:06:38 Scott 

And we had their bedrooms all cleared out, so had all their toys ready. Their beds were already made. Everything was. 

00:06:42 Scott 

Ready for them to stay. 

00:06:45 Scott 

And they were exciting playing with their toys. And that's when me and my wife looked at each other like, yeah, you. 

00:06:50 Scott 

Know we are making a difference now. 

00:06:52 Helen 

Yeah. Yeah. Like, wow, we've done the right thing. You know, this has all been quite overwhelming and quite a lot. But yeah, and. 

00:07:00 Helen 

And what was? 

00:07:00 Helen 

That first Christmas like then for them and and for you guys. 

00:07:04 

It was. It was weird. 

00:07:06 Scott 

Because obviously we've, we've never had a Christmas with children in our. 

00:07:08 Scott 

House before, luckily. 

00:07:11 Scott 

My wife down here. We're very close family. So we always have Christmas around there and it was quite difficult because we've only known the children not even a week and we have to go and buy a Christmas presents for. 

00:07:23 Scott 

So it was literally just a mad rush, you know, go grab all this sort of thing, but also they when they came to us, I didn't actually have any. 

00:07:30 Scott 

Clothes or anything with them. 

00:07:31 Scott 

So we had to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe as well, which works. Christmas came in handy with that. It was, it was. It was quite a relaxed Christmas. 

00:07:42 Scott 

And you can see on the looks of the boys faces, they didn't know quite how to take the family. It was their first time meeting a lot of people. 

00:07:49 

Yeah. 

00:07:50 Scott 

But after that they just fell straight in. They are part of our family. 

00:07:55 Helen 

And they're still with you now. 

00:07:57 Scott 

They are still with us now, so we have still got our first placement. 

00:08:00 Helen 

Ohh so. 

00:08:01 Scott 

Or place them in should say so we've. 

00:08:02 Scott 

Got two boys which are brothers. 

00:08:03 Helen 

Yeah, yeah. So coming up for for three years now. So how how was the relationship sort of evolved over that time? You know what? What differences have you noticed in them? And and positive changes? 

00:08:17 Scott 

So when they when they first came in with us, they're like in their own bubble. 

00:08:24 Scott 

It's exchanged, so they're in our house, but they're in their own bubble. And if you enter that bubble, you was an enemy. 

00:08:31 Scott 

So we've got, so we've got no obviously they just want the youngest one. 

00:08:34 Scott 

The oldest. 

00:08:35 Scott 

One was played the parental role of the younger brother and it was quite you could see a sort of a bit of a relief when he came to us because he was. We're taking over that parental 1. He hasn't got to do that anymore. So he could actually be a child again. 

00:08:50 Scott 

Whereas the the younger, younger 1, he very he really struggled to come to terms with that. He was very angry when he came to us. They weren't very opening with us, so we'd asked him to do something and. 

00:09:04 Scott 

We just get blanked. 

00:09:06 Scott 

But all I can say is with with new. 

00:09:08 Scott 

Carers just. 

00:09:10 Scott 

Consistency and persist with them because these Childs need they need to. 

00:09:14 Scott 

Be given the. 

00:09:15 Scott 

Chance. And that's all. That's all they need in life and that they can. 

00:09:18 

Wife. 

00:09:19 Helen 

Yeah. And I imagine, you know, it's quite difficult dealing with children who've come from the background that that those two children have. But you have the opportunity to have a lot of training to help you deal with that, don't you? So, you know, have you done the likes of therapeutic parenting and and that type of training? 

00:09:39 Helen 

And how has that helped? 

00:09:42 Scott 

So it. 

00:09:43 Scott 

Quite. I'll find it really fascinating. So when you first before you go to panel, you have your skills to foster training course. And that's a three day training course and and that's going over the basics of looking into like your safeguarding and a little bit of therapeutic parenting. 

00:09:49 

Yeah. 

00:10:01 Scott 

And then once you've done that, you have mandatory course. You have to do throughout the years before, throughout your first year and then you have optional extra courses which. 

00:10:11 Scott 

I was sort of. I'm going for this. I'm gonna do everything I can and I've I've hopped on all the training courses I. 

00:10:17 Scott 

Can. 

00:10:17 Scott 

Do the therapeutic training course it's it's difficult for people to understand it. Who haven't done it because they think it's just soft parenting and it's hard because a lot of people who aren't around the fostering industry. 

00:10:33 Scott 

Or used to vulnerable children like that. They see these children out in public and they we've had it and we get dirty looks. If our children are kicking. 

00:10:44 Scott 

And I don't understand how we won't raise our voices to them, and we'll stay calm. 

00:10:50 Scott 

Not because they haven't done that sort of training. I think therapeutic trance parenting should be across the board and available to all parents because it really does work. 

00:11:00 Helen 

Yeah, you know you you said Scott before you became a foster carer. 

00:11:06 Helen 

You didn't have any experience of of looking after children, do you? Do you think that was actually a strength really, because you've just, you've come in like a a sort of blank canvas and you've you've learned all of this and and sewed it up rather than being somebody who maybe has had birth children or experience of children before. 

00:11:26 Helen 

Do you think it's been a a positive for you? 

00:11:30 Scott 

Sometimes I think it's positive, sometimes I don't. It it helps keep your mind open to different tactics. Yeah, and techniques. It does bring a lot of self doubting yourself. If if I'm doing this right because it's it's trial and error, fostering is a lot of trial and error. 

00:11:47 Helen 

Yeah. 

00:11:49 Scott 

So like when I first started doing it, it was scary, but then when you start seeing the results, you're like this is amazing. 

00:11:56 Helen 

Yeah. Can you think of of of some instances of that, you know, moments where you thought, wow, this is all worth it? Like, you know, moments where maybe you've even been brought to tears because you've you've you've seen the positive impact that you've made? 

00:12:12 Scott 

So yeah, so when we first got our boys, we had to support them through their court case. 

00:12:18 Scott 

And that was a very stressful time for him because they they didn't know what was happening and they were staying with me and my wife or if they were going somewhere else. 

00:12:25 Scott 

And. 

00:12:25 Scott 

They going and they didn't know. Yeah. And. And we actually had to support them. Speaking to the judge of their case, which they were petrified to do. And they request that me and my wife sat there with them. 

00:12:38 Scott 

And I've never seen a braver pair of boys speaking to a complete stranger opening up to them all about their feelings, and that that was amazing for us like that, actually, we've enabled them to have the. 

00:12:49 Scott 

Confidence. 

00:12:51 Scott 

To do that. 

00:12:52 Helen 

Yeah, that's incredible. And and Scott, you know I I talked to a lot of people on this podcast and I've spoken to to people who are in the 60s or 70s and they've been fostering for years and years and years. It's lovely to speak to you right at the beginning of your journey, really cause, you know, you're three years in, which is a long time, but you might foster for. 

00:13:13 Helen 

40 years. You know you don't know. How do you imagine your your future being? Do you think you'll do this for a long time? Like what? What do you see for yourself? And and your part? 

00:13:24 Scott 

I mean, this is the best thing that me and my wife has ever done and I can't see myself doing anything different. I want to be in this industry for as long as I can and help as many children as I can, and because it's not just the children that you inform the attachments with. 

00:13:39 Scott 

It's the other professionals. 

00:13:41 Scott 

And and it's really just a big family network. 

00:13:45 Helen 

Yeah, it's. Yeah, it really is, isn't it? And and do you think that's really enriched your life in a in a lot of different ways? 

00:13:53 Scott 

Yes. So not only obviously are we helping the young people would look, you know, young children's life and we also help ourselves and these days been times when we've been dealing with our children through their trauma and it's and you sort of think ohh I'm I've had that same sort of thing. 

00:14:13 Scott 

And so it helps you do a lot of self reflecting and helps you work through your individual problems as well. 

00:14:20 Helen 

Yeah, definitely, definitely. And if there was anybody watching now, Scott, who, you know, maybe was thinking about fostering, and they weren't sure. Maybe like yourselves, they're they're on the younger end of the spectrum and they think, ohh, maybe it's not for me. You know what? What advice would you give them? 

00:14:38 Scott 

Just go and do it. 

00:14:40 Scott 

Just go and do it like I said you you the process to get into it is you know it takes a few months and everybody is amazing. You get a support career with you, so you could actually talk to people who do the job as well. But yeah, all I can say is just just dive in, do it if you're unsure of yourself, don't worry cause you will be amazing because you do have the support. 

00:15:01 

Or. 

00:15:01 Helen 

Yeah. And what do you think are some of the things that that you and your your partner have maybe learned about yourselves along the way that is there anything that's that surprised you? 

00:15:12 Scott 

It surprised us how resilient we can be. Yeah, and actually, how how long we can keep calm for when we have a lot of. 

00:15:19 Scott 

Stuff flying. 

00:15:19 Scott 

At us. But it's also showing us how strong as a couple we are and actually when we're working together, we can achieve anything. 

00:15:30 Helen 

Wow. 

00:15:31 Helen 

Wonderful. Well, thank you so, so much for talking to us, Scott. It's been absolutely fantastic to to hear your story and I'm sure it will be very inspiring for other people. 

00:15:40 Helen 

Watching so yeah, best of luck with the future and you know, maybe we'll speak to you in many years to come. And you, you can tell us, you know, about your, your long career in fostering. So thank you so much, Scott. And take care. 

00:15:52 Scott 

Lovely. Thank you. 

00:15:54 Helen 

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to get involved in the conversation, we would love to hear your questions. Maybe there's something you'd really like to ask about fostering. Get in touch. You can e-mail us on podcast@nfa.co.uk.