Voices of Fostering
Voices of Fostering brought to you by National Fostering Group.
Everyone’s life takes a different path. As children and young people decisions can be made for us that shape our lives forever – whether for good or bad. As adults, we have the opportunity to make our own choices. And what we choose can have a positive impact on us and the world around us. Particularly if one of those choices is fostering. When you listen to the stories of children and young people whose lives have been touched by foster carers, you start to see the impact that fostering can have. When you decide to foster, it’s hard to imagine just how big a difference you could make. Not just to the young people you foster, but rippling out into countless other lives. Your choice to foster could transform the life chances of some of the most vulnerable people in society. In this podcast, you’ll hear young people who were fostered, birth children and foster carers talking openly and candidly about their experiences. You’ll get to understand why fostering can be simultaneously the most rewarding and the most challenging thing you’ll ever do and why embarking on this extraordinary journey changes people forever. If you’ve ever been curious about what it really means to foster, what difference it really makes, you’ll find the answers here.
Voices of Fostering
Rachel and David - Balancing Careers and Fostering
Rachel and David share their journey of fostering over the past five years. From their love for children to the unexpected moments that shaped their path, Rachel and David talk candidly about their experiences, including the joys and challenges of balancing birth children with fostering.
If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.
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00:00:00 Helen
Welcome along to this episode of Voices of Fostering where I'm delighted today to be joined by Foster carers Rachel and David. Hello, guys.
00:00:10 Rachel
Hi, Helen.
00:00:11 David
How are you? How are?
00:00:11 Helen
Lovely to meet you. Ohh, it's so lovely to have you both on the podcast and we're really interested to hear about your story. You've been fostering for five years.
00:00:12 David
Hi, Helen. Good to meet you.
00:00:21 Helen
Haven't you?
00:00:22 Helen
So tell us how it all started for you, you know, was fostering something that you'd always wanted to do or what led you to it? Well.
00:00:30 Rachel
Whenever we got married, well, even before we got married would be. We sat a lot of children whenever we were dating and things, and we just always loved children. And our three children came along very quickly and we worked in our local church and community.
00:00:43 Rachel
With a lot of young children and lots of them were from quite difficult background.
00:00:48 Helen
And.
00:00:49 Rachel
And we discovered sort of that we were very good at talking to children. We just love working with children. And we thought about it initially in our first little house that we lived in and find out about it. But we realised we didn't have an extra bedroom. So we thought if we ever have the chance to move to a bigger house, it's definitely.
00:01:09 Rachel
Then that will day.
00:01:10 David
Yeah, I suppose it's important that both of us were on board, like before I even met Rachel. I was involved in a lot.
00:01:15 David
Of children's work.
00:01:17 David
And would have been in contact with lots of children within the foster within the fostering an environment and maybe didn't know an.
00:01:25 David
Awful lot about it, but.
00:01:27 David
This just seemed to create so much love and that just kind of really drew my attention to it. And then.
00:01:33 David
Whenever we got married.
00:01:35 David
Then it was kind of more some of.
00:01:36 David
The more sort of thought more about you so.
00:01:39 Helen
Yeah. Did you think maybe having your own birth children was something that would prevent you from fostering? Did you worry about that at all?
00:01:48 Speaker 3
No, I think I think suppose for us.
00:01:50 David
And once we had our own children, it was it never really scared us to thought of having any other children because Rachel always wanted to have a big family. Rachel always wanted to have six kids at least. So that scared me away better.
00:02:03 Rachel
Yes, you're scared of that. We probably had three, but what we did, we like.
00:02:09 Rachel
We were very surprised that we ended up being able to build our own House and we had extra bedrooms and David said to me, I really think we should think about fostering again. And I thought, oh, I'm quite comfortable in our nice house with extra bedrooms, but.
00:02:24 Rachel
We just like we kept hearing ads on the radio and different things, and they thought, right, really well look into it. But it's probably really complicated and you know, we'll not get past because they're really strict about looking after these children because they've been so through so much trauma. And it was during COVID as well and.
00:02:44 Rachel
We thought well.
00:02:45 Rachel
You know, they'll be really strict, but it ended up it was a really nice.
00:02:50 Rachel
Social worker that came out and did the visits with their mask on and it was quite in-depth, but we actually learned a lot about ourselves through that and really enjoyed it and we.
00:03:00 David
Actually, I probably learned more about Rachel than I ever knew during that process, so it was actually really good for us. So yeah, that was really good.
00:03:00
Yeah.
00:03:03 Rachel
Yeah, and vice versa.
00:03:05 Helen
Yeah. So many people say that it's like a a really therapeutic experience for you both, isn't it? As a couple, you learn things that you didn't know about each other.
00:03:15 Rachel
Definitely.
00:03:17 Rachel
Uh. And then they take your children away and talk to them.
00:03:20 Rachel
And by themselves, and you're like, well hope.
00:03:22 Rachel
They don't say anything.
00:03:24 Rachel
They so they will, but you know it's.
00:03:26 Rachel
Just I suppose of all my daddy thing.
00:03:27 Helen
Please do tell us about that guys, cause you know, people watching who have birth children, that is definitely not a barrier to fostering at all. But what what happens in that process? How how are the children involved in the assessment?
00:03:43 Speaker 3
Well, I think suppose from the very start.
00:03:45 David
It's not just about us as the parents, it's very much about the kids as well. So we had to make sure that our children were very much on board and we would not have went forward with Foster if if our children weren't on board with the whole thing at the very, very start. That's the most, most important.
00:04:02 Rachel
Yeah, we sat down as a family and talked about it and said this is what we're thinking. What do you think they were always wear on board and then the social workers will talk to them about how they were disciplined and all the rest of it and.
00:04:17 Rachel
They answered very honestly and we were very honest too, and it they actually enjoyed it too. You know, they it wasn't something that fazed them in any way at all. They were always, you know, excited as to what was happening next. And we are with kindercare, the fostering agency and obviously you've training videos and things.
00:04:37 Rachel
And we watched as a family and our youngest son, I remember.
00:04:42 Rachel
We were on the sofa and he just turned down to meet the end and he gave me a big hug and he says Mommy, I'm so glad you have any addictions and.
00:04:48 Rachel
You're.
00:04:48 Rachel
Such a good mommy. And I thought, oh, you know, it's worth it, even though we haven't even started fostering yet, he's recognising this from what we're going through. And there's so many mummies out there.
00:04:57 Rachel
Who think they're definitely not?
00:04:59 Rachel
A good mummy when they they really are after you've come through.
00:05:02 Rachel
These five years, you see.
00:05:04 Rachel
What? You know the differences?
00:05:05 Rachel
So definitely it was a good thing for our children right from the start, we decided that we didn't want children that are older than our children just because we don't have 24/7 experience of of that.
00:05:18 David
What? What age were our kids at that?
00:05:20 David
Time. What about 12?
00:05:22 Rachel
Hello.
00:05:22 David
Nine, maybe 11:10 and 9:00. I think about that.
00:05:26 David
Time whenever we started the process.
00:05:28 Speaker 3
Yes.
00:05:29 David
So yeah.
00:05:30 Rachel
Maybe 12 is she's 16 now, the oldest, but the the first placement that we got and and we were told don't go for your first placement whenever they they ring and but the first placement just seemed to really suit our family. And we said to our children about it and they were so excited. And two we blonde heads.
00:05:50 Rachel
Bump jumped out of the car. Still remember it and our children were excited and show them all around the house and yeah, you know they're, you know, proud to show them their bedroom, their new things and their new toys outside. And all they have to play with. And I think our children have been.
00:06:07 Rachel
Sort of considered themselves like role models for the older children and they like to talk about, you know, once the younger children are in bed, they like to talk to us about what they were doing or what they, you know, maybe didn't do right, you know, or little things have said to them and that it's been a very, very positive journey for our children.
00:06:27 Rachel
And definitely something that is very as that they've grown into teenagers I have noticed.
00:06:33 Rachel
They actually are better at relating to younger children, then maybe some of their friends who don't have any younger siblings. You know, even when we're out somewhere else and there's other children not related to, they'll go over and talk to them. So I'm talking too.
00:06:46 Speaker 4
Much now it's something.
00:06:48 David
That Rachel always doesn't just doesn't know when to stop talking.
00:06:53 Helen
Taking you back guys to when you found out that you.
00:06:56 Helen
Had pass your assessment and that you were gonna be foster carers. Can you remember how you felt and what the reaction was like with with your children? Like, you know, the whole family. You must have been delighted.
00:07:10 David
Yeah, because it it is. It is a very intense process to go through. There's a lot of questions and at one point in the process, I was like, Rachel, this is a lot of a lot of questions, a lot of very intrusive. But whenever you get approved, you're you're excited for your first placement. And as Rachel mentioned, these two weeks.
00:07:31 David
Blonde heads just bobbing into the house and two social.
00:07:34 Rachel
Go back. Sorry.
00:07:35 Rachel
To being passed by panel, all those questions and then going to the panel and they say there's 10 people that have to approve you. I was quite nervous about that. I thought somebody's bound to find something or ask a question will not be able to.
00:07:37 David
Yeah.
00:07:48 Rachel
Answer but.
00:07:50 Rachel
I think with Kindercare to you and their support and their help, it was really they were very encouraging and very positive.
00:07:56 Rachel
That felt, and we were fast straight away and there was no problems. It was just like we're we're passed.
00:07:56 David
Very much so, yeah.
00:08:03 David
Yeah. And literally within about half an hour of being passed, we got a phone call about these two girls and.
00:08:08 Helen
Ohh wow, sounds quick. I I hate differing stories really. Sometimes it's a couple of days or sometimes it's literally.
00:08:17
A.
00:08:18 Helen
Couple of minutes.
00:08:19 Helen
So for you guys, it was quite quickly, yeah.
00:08:22 Rachel
But we were worried because we had gone through training with another couple.
00:08:26 Rachel
People who seem to have been on all the training zones that we had been on and they had been filmed before, they've got to panel about all these different children and we thought are they not ringing us, we're maybe not gonna get passed or maybe they find some problem with us so.
00:08:39 David
Yeah. And then the social workers have said that, you know, don't always just go for your first placement because it might not be right and just, you know, don't be just panicking and just jumping into your first placement. But these two girls, they just seemed so right and so perfect. Such a perfect fit for our family. And it just seemed right. And we were so excited about it.
00:08:58 Helen
Yeah. So how did that first placement go then? How long did they stay with you for?
00:09:03 David
Well, we still have them. We started off as short term thinking. This is just something that was short term and then within a year we realised that these we kids weren't go back to their parents and they were going to have to move on somewhere else and.
00:09:05 Helen
Ohh well.
00:09:21 David
They had connected with them so well and there was such a nice bond there. We just we we we can't let them go back to somewhere and to put in another house or another foster place. So we thought like we need to go for the long term placement which we did and we were approved from past four straight away. So yeah those two the first two we blonde bombshells that we came into our house on that.
00:09:42 David
First day we still have them now, so we have them till at least 18.
00:09:45 David
So it's fantastic, yeah.
00:09:47 Helen
Yeah. So I think sometimes you you go into it thinking that your experience is gonna be one thing, but actually it becomes something else, doesn't it? Do you think it's important for people to be open minded at the start of their?
00:10:01 Rachel
Journey. Definitely. Yeah. I think we thought we'll just have little P ones for short term and then they'll move on. But then.
00:10:09 Rachel
You know, we just got so attached to quickly and they're just we pets, they really are and they've been through so much and they still are going through so much. We just we knew it would. One in particular, it would have really destroyed her to move on somewhere else and we just couldn't. And then we were told.
00:10:29 Rachel
Nobody's changed to long term so quickly within one year and we were a bit nervous that that wouldn't happen, but it did. So we were really thankful how how that worked out and then they've been so welcoming to all the the other little place since we had since then, yeah.
00:10:43 Helen
So you've had other placements alongside?
00:10:46 Helen
Your long term placement as well tell us about that.
00:10:49 David
Yeah, well, suppose at the start we never really wanted to. We never really thought we'd have that many. We just started off with the two, and we then had a a wee baby actually, from two days old until about 9-10 months. I think she was when she left. Yeah.
00:11:07 David
So that was.
00:11:09 David
And experience back to the.
00:11:11 David
Late nights and up in the middle of night, feeding the baby and changing that ways that we haven't.
00:11:15 David
Done for so many.
00:11:16 David
Years so, but it's so nice having a baby.
00:11:17 Rachel
But you don't mind because you haven't been.
00:11:18 Rachel
Pregnant and you?
00:11:19 David
Yeah.
00:11:19 Rachel
Far more energy, and they're so tidy and.
00:11:23 Rachel
Cute. And we had such.
00:11:24 Rachel
A good relationship I started a communication book with that baby's mummy and we have a really good relationship with her and she drove quite a distance every day to see her little baby and all like.
00:11:37 Rachel
Our first placement and our birth children all just fell in love with this wee baby as well and.
00:11:43 Rachel
And she's such a cute wee Billy and.
00:11:46 David
Meet up with her regularly, maybe twice a year. We'll see her birthday if we saw her for her 1st birthday. Met up with her again during the year, and then we just met up with her recently for a second birthday there. So it's so sweet and she just got out of the car and she just ran across the yard to me and just jumped up into my arms to give you this.
00:12:03 David
Like massive hug and I hadn't saw her for six months and it was just almost made me cry. It was so.
00:12:07 Speaker 4
Special it was so nice.
00:12:09 Helen
Because I think sometimes people can think that when a child or a young person moves on that that's it you're disconnected from them. But that's not the case, is it? You you.
00:12:18 Helen
Stay in touch.
00:12:19 Rachel
Yeah, we definitely stayed in touch with the babies mummy. She sends me photos every week, and she's really appreciative of what we've done and talking again about birth children. Our oldest daughter made this beautiful book. Yeah. For her going back to her mummy like a big scrapbook of each month that she was there and photographs and quotes from the communication.
00:12:40 Rachel
Out between me and her mummy and to their first Wee Vesnik show, such a tiny baby and all these wee first things that she'd done and a lovely letter to your mummy at the end of.
00:12:50 Rachel
And our social worker from the trust said she could really come and teach the social workers how to do these memory books because she did such a good job. And so she was very proud of herself doing that. But I really do think it was a positive experience to have that, that placement, that first one after. Yeah, the second one, I think.
00:13:05 Speaker 3
Definitely, definitely, yeah.
00:13:10 Helen
Another thing that people can be concerned about sometimes is the contact with, with, with birth parents and and and both grandparents and and how you know how that goes, what that's like, you've had quite positive experiences with that, haven't you? Can you tell me?
00:13:31 Rachel
Well, that first little baby we just talked about.
00:13:35 Rachel
The first time her mommy showed up and brought her granny along with her, I did not think it was going to be a positive relationship. You know, you have to try and think from their point of view, this little baby has been taken away, that they would like to have themselves and that Granny was giving me the Death star. Definitely. But.
00:13:55 Rachel
And I just figured out in that situation there was other children that were with the granny. So I brought them sweets and tried to.
00:14:02 Rachel
On on one particular day, remember, she just looked at me and I thought, that's good. I'm in with the granny. It's going a bit.
00:14:08 David
More positive, I think, I think whenever they can see that you're showing their child love and the child's coming nicely dressed and it's presenting well and it's it's really into us. You know, it's really connecting with us. I think that.
00:14:09
Yeah.
00:14:24 David
Give them a security that.
00:14:25 David
Actually, their child's being really well looked after and I think it takes a little bit of time just to get that connection.
00:14:32 Speaker 4
And.
00:14:33 David
That sort of built up.
00:14:34 David
But.
00:14:35 David
Just being nice to the parents, it it really does help and we have such a positive relationship with and we've actually had the mum, the baby and all the all their siblings.
00:14:45 David
And the granny and Grandad to your house?
00:14:47 David
For dinner? So that's since since they had return, so that's like awesome.
00:14:48 Rachel
Since since they have returns yeah.
00:14:52 Speaker 4
That's so nice.
00:14:52 Rachel
It's not the same for every placement, and we had one placement where, sadly, Mummy never showed up ever to even see the the little boy, which is.
00:14:54 David
No, no.
00:15:02 Rachel
Very sad and.
00:15:03 Rachel
And there's other placements where they they do be understandably nervous of you, but I just think again when they see that their children are turn.
00:15:12 Rachel
Up like having fun and they're really happy to come back with us and happy to tell them all about what they've been doing with us and that generally we, I would say mostly have had very positive so far.
00:15:23 David
So far so good, yeah.
00:15:25 Helen
Yeah. And if you ever have any, you know, any struggles or there's anything that you need help with, do you find that you have a lot of support, that there's always somebody at the end of the phone?
00:15:36 Rachel
Definitely.
00:15:36 David
Yes, the social workers we have again, we're with kindercare. They're absolutely amazing that we, baby we're talking about. Was it bronchiolitis Rachel? She took bronchiolitis after maybe a few months. She had to go into the hospital, and she was quite ill to.
00:15:45 Rachel
Yeah.
00:15:51 David
The point where?
00:15:52 David
We thought she might not actually make it, and the social workers came down.
00:15:57 David
They actually stayed with the baby for a week while with Rachel Gabbers of support. That happened in the middle of the night. The social workers rang me at the middle of night.
00:16:04 David
Because I was.
00:16:04 David
At home, looking after the girls and and and their own birth kids and they, they they couldn't have been any more support if they were absolutely fantastic. It was so.
00:16:14 Rachel
Yeah, definitely. There's always somebody there.
00:16:16 Helen
Yes, you definitely never on your own. There's there's always support, isn't there, definitely. And we've not really talked yet, guys, about what your your background was really before you started fostering, because I, I know your career Dave has been quite different. You're in, is it concrete and construction, yeah.
00:16:20 David
Yeah, absolutely.
00:16:35 David
Correct. Yep.
00:16:35 Helen
And and then you from an education background, Rachel. So yeah. How did you find that your your careers before fostering helped you sort of move on to fostering with their transferable skills that that you found were helpful?
00:16:52 David
Yeah. Oh, absolutely, yeah.
00:16:53 Rachel
Hungry well.
00:16:56 Helen
Doesn't really seem that concrete and construction would have transferable skills, but I'm sure there are.
00:17:03 Helen
Aren't the police tell us?
00:17:03 David
Yeah, but the The thing is, I sold concrete. And so I was dealing with builders and buyers and all types of different people. So everybody needed to be treated in different ways. As such, you know, walking into a farmer, for example, you basically.
00:17:18 Helen
Yeah.
00:17:23 David
Hang over a gate and talked about what you.
00:17:25 David
Were talking about.
00:17:27 David
Maybe you were going to meet a a builder on site who was busy work and you had to kind of muck in and do some of the work along with him. Or you maybe went to a a high flying buyer in a big office. So you had to be all nice and.
00:17:39 David
Prim and proper and.
00:17:40 David
Talk the talk and walk the walk. So you.
00:17:42 Helen
Had to be adaptable.
00:17:43 David
Correct, correct. Yeah, yeah.
00:17:45 Rachel
So kind of like.
00:17:46 Rachel
Children.
00:17:48 Helen
Yeah, because every situation is different, isn't it? Yeah. And every child is different. And what about yourself, Rachel? How did how did you find?
00:17:49
Yeah.
00:17:51 David
Absolutely, yeah, yeah.
00:17:56 Helen
You know the the transition from from your other career to or do do either of you still have your careers, do you do you still?
00:18:04 Helen
Work as well.
00:18:06 David
Just recently, two months ago, I actually gave my employment up full time, so I am now full time foster care. So yeah, it's we'll talk about that in a minute or two.
00:18:15 David
You can talk about with you.
00:18:16 Helen
Yeah. What about yourself, Rachel?
00:18:16 Rachel
And then we're both full time now. Yeah, obviously working with children. I have a.
00:18:22 Rachel
Degree in early years so.
00:18:24 Rachel
And I have a lot of experience and I suppose had knowledge of that and working with children, but in a classroom setting is a lot different to 24/7 and you might know a bit about children who how they would present whenever they would come in and things but.
00:18:44 Rachel
You get to learn so much more as such a deeper level when you know you, you get such great training.
00:18:51 Rachel
Within the the Kindercare anyway, provide it for us. It was so good and so helpful. I wish everybody could do.
00:18:57 Rachel
It to be honest to see.
00:18:59 Rachel
The the need out there and even about being sensitive to children. So yeah, I do think I I definitely was able to transfer skills because I just love children, always have and talking to children relate to them. Well, maybe that doesn't say much.
00:19:14 Rachel
About.
00:19:14 Rachel
Me, but now we're both full time and.
00:19:17 Rachel
It's it's great.
00:19:19 Rachel
It really is, but you don't have to be. We weren't at the start. At the start, I was still working and then gradually saw.
00:19:19 Speaker 3
Yeah.
00:19:26 Rachel
Right, we've, they've got a lot more appointments than our birth children do for understandable reasons. And so I give up my work first and then.
00:19:34 David
Yeah, well, suppose at at the start we only had two placements, and then we had three. And then we had four, and now we have 5. So 5 little kids run around the house. It's it's hard work. Plus our own 3. So I I felt I was doing a day's work.
00:19:54 David
Best.
00:19:55 David
To the health at work.
00:19:56 David
With builders and people giving off to.
00:19:58 David
Me and stress that you had with that.
00:20:00 David
And then you came home.
00:20:02 David
Where you would like to have had a little bit of time just to you.
00:20:05 David
Know sit down.
00:20:05 David
And relax. While you had five kids run the boat, plus your own kids. So it it was difficult, maybe just didn't have that down time that you would like so.
00:20:15 David
I just thought like I need to give my job up. I need to do this full time so.
00:20:18 David
I can help Rachel help her.
00:20:20 David
And one of the maybe the kids are at school now we get.
00:20:24 David
Four or five hours in the morning to yourselves, which is nice. We can do.
00:20:28 Rachel
We have a baby at the minute and again which is great and it's it people might think, oh, that's so easy with, you know, Foster and five, we children, there's not much work in that. But you know, anybody who knows anything about Foster knows that it's these children are a lot different from what maybe they would be used to in, in how they're brought up.
00:20:49 Rachel
And they've got a lot more needs and additional appointments and support that they need.
00:20:55 Rachel
And even something that's sad and skill can just one sentence by somebody can trigger them off and they just need a lot more support than I'm talking too much again and getting in and.
00:21:07 Helen
Then I do have a burning question, though that's popped up in my head now because.
00:21:10 Helen
Fine.
00:21:15 Helen
Now we know that you have 5, you have 5 foster children with you, you have your three both children as well. So that's eight children plus the two of you. So that's 10 of.
00:21:16 David
Ohh no.
00:21:25 Helen
You. What vehicle do you have? Is it a?
00:21:28 Helen
Minibus. So glamorous.
00:21:29 David
Yeah, yeah.
00:21:32 Helen
Do you really have a minibus?
00:21:33 David
I I I love my cars. I used to have an M3. I used to have a Subaru Impreza. I used to love those sort of things. You.
00:21:40 Helen
Have to grow up for the yeah, you're not. You're not sitting eight kids in a.
00:21:43 Helen
Subaru Impreza? Or are you?
00:21:44 David
No, no, definitely not. No. We had we used to have A7 seater, we swapped that out, then we bought an 8 seater. But we're still too short. So basically what happens is if we're going any long.
00:21:58 David
He's. I'll take my daughters starting to drive very soon, so I'll take one car. I will take maybe two of the birth kids in it and then the rest of it all goes and the the, the mini buses.
00:22:04
Yeah.
00:22:10 David
Are worse. So yeah, so a little.
00:22:12 Rachel
Convoy. Yeah, but it's very comfortable. I really love it. No, we didn't know when we bought it.
00:22:18 Rachel
Got massage seats and in the front.
00:22:19 David
Yeah, racial spoiled driving that car to be automatic. Everything, you know, leather seats.
00:22:24 Helen
So did you imagine at the beginning of your journey guys like four or five years ago that you would, that you would have that many children? I mean, I know you. You said, Rachel, you always wanted six kids, didn't you?
00:22:36 Helen
So you know you've you've definitely achieved that, haven't you? But did you really think that that you would have 5 foster children?
00:22:43 David
No. No way.
00:22:45 David
No, not not.
00:22:45 David
Not never in a million? No. Never because I don't know. He just he just seemed to. It's just something about do I don't know what it is. It's just there's just something that just draws your heart out to them and.
00:22:59 David
Not that you feel sorry for them, but you.
00:23:01 Speaker 3
Just wanna just.
00:23:02 Rachel
When you say you're making a difference, you can actually see the difference from when they come, you know, till when they leave, or even as you know, some of them are still here.
00:23:03 David
Yeah.
00:23:12 Rachel
It it's really so encouraging and so satisfying. You know that you're actually helping these we lives and hopefully creating good memories that they'll not forget for the rest of their lives. And and it's a bit addictive for us, as you can tell.
00:23:30 Helen
Like maybe sort of day by day.
00:23:32 Helen
You don't notice the progress, but when you sort of take a step back and you think, wow or maybe a picture comes up from a year ago or something and you think, wow, the the progress that's happened in that time, that must be really satisfying.
00:23:45 David
Yeah, like for example, whenever the the girls came to us at the start, if anything happened at all, like anything, they just ran upstairs and head into their bed. And this is strange. That never happened with their birth kids. And within a very short space of time that all stopped. And it's just we we small things and and.
00:24:04 Rachel
But we didn't realise that stopping until it was sort of stopped and thought about it. Yeah, and even other people come into the house. We had little boys.
00:24:15 Rachel
And there we had to get speech therapy for them. At least both didn't realise maybe how initially bad their speech was at the start or how much help they needed. And someone came who had seen.
00:24:27 Rachel
Them before a.
00:24:28 Rachel
Professional he had seen them before. They were placed with us.
00:24:30 Rachel
And said oh.
00:24:31 Rachel
My goodness, there's speech I can understand.
00:24:33 Rachel
What they're saying and we're like.
00:24:35
That's great. That's so encouraging.
00:24:37 Rachel
You know that we've actually helped.
00:24:39 David
Yeah. And The thing is like people say to us all the time, you know, you're special. You know, you have a.
00:24:43 David
Gift for this I I do.
00:24:46 David
I don't. Maybe we do it. Maybe we just mad I.
00:24:48 David
Don't.
00:24:48 David
Know, but we we just be ourselves. We just bring these kids up the same way as we brought our own kids up. We make no difference in them apps at all. And I don't know whether maybe that's why it works. I don't know. We just. There's no difference. There's no favourites in our house. Everybody gets treated the same way if.
00:25:05 David
We go on holiday.
00:25:06 David
The kids come along with us. They all come and we just make a family out of everything that we do and.
00:25:12 David
Yeah, there's not the set. It's easy. It just seems to come natural, but that's what. Yeah.
00:25:15 Helen
Yeah. And and what do your so friends and your wider family think of of you fostering has it has it had sort of like a positive ripple effect maybe you're like ohh, Rachel and David have made such a, you know, difference to people. Like what? What does everybody else?
00:25:33 Helen
Think.
00:25:34 David
Yeah, it's an interesting one. My mum and dad were slightly older and they were very.
00:25:39 David
Opposed to it.
00:25:40 David
At the start, because they didn't know much about.
00:25:42 David
It it was like.
00:25:44 David
Oh. Oh. What? What's this? What's this?
00:25:46 David
And the more I told them about it, and we'll explain.
00:25:46 Helen
Yeah.
00:25:49 David
What it was.
00:25:50 David
And what we would do and and and how such the unfortunate circumstances that these kids.
00:25:55 David
Then yeah, you could start.
00:25:56 David
To see them coming round.
00:25:58 David
And and the support we have now from friends and family is phenomenal, like especially that we maybe we have people just can't get.
00:26:05 David
Enough of her.
00:26:06 Helen
Yeah, because it's education, isn't it? Like some of us, we we grow up in a certain way. We're very privileged. We don't understand that. What other situations there are out there?
00:26:06 David
We just love it so.
00:26:19 Helen
Yeah.
00:26:20 Helen
So you've you've really educated your family there, haven't you?
00:26:23 David
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Like, we had no idea that half of the stuff that was going on around us was actually happening on our doorstep. It it actually frightens you to know some of the things that are happening, these kids. And just to think that we could make a difference and people in our family can make a difference. Friends of ours can make a difference. And that's why.
00:26:43 David
You know, doing things that just trying to make the awareness to let more people know that there's massive need for foster care.
00:26:48 David
Out there for these weak kids, yeah.
00:26:51 Rachel
One of the children we cared for didn't even have a bed to sleep in. He was used to sleeping on the floor and I think that really spoke.
00:26:58 Rachel
To a lot.
00:26:59 Rachel
Of our family as well. But we're very fortunate that they have been supportive and my mum and dad take them sleepovers for to their house, for sleepovers, go to Nanny and Papas and they love it and they want to know.
00:27:09 Rachel
Whose turn is next?
00:27:11 Rachel
To go for the sleepover and.
00:27:12 Rachel
And I think it's been very positive actually some of our friends have become foster carers themselves, and there's some going through the process. So it definitely we talked to everybody about it. You know everybody we meet because there's such.
00:27:26 David
Can't knock? Who's that? My neighbours. And we've got a bus and another car.
00:27:34 Helen
So if there was anybody watching now, guys who was maybe, you know, teetering on the edge, we're thinking about fostering, but they're not sure if it's for them. What would you say to them? How would you encourage them to do it?
00:27:46 David
Of course. Wow. Just.
00:27:49 David
Do it. The difference that you can make in these week kids lives is just incredible. Like, put the week kids to bed at night and eventually like the the week girls, we had it.
00:27:59 Speaker 3
Took them probably two months.
00:28:02 David
Before they gave me a hug.
00:28:04 David
And I made a mistake one morning because they actually had asked me to give them a cereal, and I gave them toast and wine.
00:28:10 David
Some toast and I get down on my knees beside one of.
00:28:13 David
The girls and I just.
00:28:14 Speaker 3
I'm really sorry I made a mistake and can you can you take the cereal instead of the toast. And she looked at, which just don't worry about it. It's OK. I gave her this massive big hug and I went down there. I actually.
00:28:25 Speaker 3
Started to cry.
00:28:26 Speaker 4
I said wait, so she gave me a.
00:28:27 Speaker 4
Hug. They've been they've.
00:28:28 Speaker 4
Been hugging Rachel.
00:28:29 Speaker 4
All along. But they had never hugged me, but they just hadn't made that connection. And.
00:28:33 Speaker 4
See from that day on.
00:28:34 Speaker 4
He give me these big massive tight hugs and to maybe have him going to bed at night and tell I say Daddy, I love you like.
00:28:42 David
It's just, it's just special. So special, yeah.
00:28:46 Helen
Things want people to know that you can really, really make a phenomenal difference to children's lives, can't you?
00:28:46
He just.
00:28:54 Speaker 3
Absolutely.
00:28:54 Rachel
Yeah, definitely. If you know that you love children and you can provide a good home, you will make such a huge difference. Just just being there for them, just providing the bed.
00:29:06 Rachel
For them is just loving them is something so many of them, sadly, haven't been used to.
00:29:11 David
Crave for absolutely crave for that affection and the love and the care and the Nice home that you can provide them. Yeah, it's just.
00:29:21 David
Yeah.
00:29:22 Rachel
Lifetime.
00:29:23 Helen
Guys, we will leave it there. Rachel and David, thank you so, so much. It's been fantastic speaking to you and hearing your stories and and best of luck with you with your.
00:29:33 Helen
Boss, full of kids.
00:29:35 Speaker 4
Thank you very much.
00:29:36 David
Yeah.
00:29:37 Helen
Thanks so much guys.
00:29:39 David
No problem, thank.
00:29:39 Helen
Thank you. Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to get involved in the conversation, we would love to hear your questions. Maybe there's something you'd really like to ask about fostering. Get in touch. You can e-mail us on podcast@nfa.co.uk.