Voices of Fostering
Voices of Fostering brought to you by National Fostering Group.
Everyone’s life takes a different path. As children and young people decisions can be made for us that shape our lives forever – whether for good or bad. As adults, we have the opportunity to make our own choices. And what we choose can have a positive impact on us and the world around us. Particularly if one of those choices is fostering. When you listen to the stories of children and young people whose lives have been touched by foster carers, you start to see the impact that fostering can have. When you decide to foster, it’s hard to imagine just how big a difference you could make. Not just to the young people you foster, but rippling out into countless other lives. Your choice to foster could transform the life chances of some of the most vulnerable people in society. In this podcast, you’ll hear young people who were fostered, birth children and foster carers talking openly and candidly about their experiences. You’ll get to understand why fostering can be simultaneously the most rewarding and the most challenging thing you’ll ever do and why embarking on this extraordinary journey changes people forever. If you’ve ever been curious about what it really means to foster, what difference it really makes, you’ll find the answers here.
Voices of Fostering
Jayne and Ken - We have fostered for 19 years!
Jayne and Ken have been dedicated foster carers for 19 years, and their journey is nothing short of remarkable. In one of our most heartfelt episodes yet, they share stories of children once labelled by local authorities as "children from hell," some facing unimaginable medical challenges. Despite the odds, Jayne and Ken's unwavering support helped these children thrive, and today, many of them are adults raising families of their own.
If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.
If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk
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00:00:00 Helen
So welcome to this episode of Voices of Fostering, where today I'm delighted to be joined by Jane and Ken. Hello, guys. Hi. Hi.
00:00:10 Helen
Now you are two of our am I allowed to call you long timers? Yeah.
00:00:17 Helen
Long timer Foster carers. It's getting on for what, 20 years is it now that you've been foster carers? So tell us about that. If you can cast your minds back to, you know, 20 years ago, what was it that made you want to do it, and how did it all begin for you?
00:00:22 Jayne
Yeah.
00:00:34 Jayne
I think initially we were very, very naive. We didn't really know what Foster had.
00:00:39 Jayne
Build. We actually passed a stand in shopping centre and I remember going up the escalator and saying should we go down and talk to them and with it and they came to see us and we were really shocked about the reasons why children were looked after it. We sort of started the process to foster.
00:01:00 Jayne
And and backed out several times because we kept thinking. We're not sure if we can do this or not. OK, it, yeah.
00:01:06 Ken
It was so different from what we expected. We expected to be asked to look after two children.
00:01:07 Jayne
Affected, yeah.
00:01:12 Ken
For example, if their parents have been injured in the road axes and they were in hospital, we'd look after these two children while mum and dad were in hospital. All we had to do was show them a bit of love, feed them and give them a.
00:01:25 Ken
Home.
00:01:26 Ken
And make them happy and.
00:01:27 Ken
That, and we honestly believe it.
00:01:29
Very.
00:01:29 Jayne
Was very naive and.
00:01:32 Ken
So far from the truth.
00:01:33 Jayne
Yeah. When we did our skills for foster course and we loved it. And then we sat back and went.
00:01:39 Jayne
Just not sure. Not sure. And then we were approved and then we literally could not wait to take our first placement and and there's a story in itself really because Ken didn't want to take younger children because he said this is how different we are now. He didn't want our lives to change too much by taking.
00:01:58 Jayne
And the children.
00:02:00 Jayne
We were on holiday with our kids. I had to come back early because our son was doing exams and I.
00:02:05 Jayne
Took the phone call.
00:02:05 Ken
And I I said that under no circumstances would I ever take a child under 9 and I was adamant. I was adamant there was no compensation.
00:02:11
OK.
00:02:15 Helen
And and what was it about 9:10? What? Why 9?
00:02:15 Ken
That.
00:02:18 Ken
I just thought that was the kind.
00:02:19 Ken
Of age where.
00:02:21 Ken
They could interact, interact with US, and they could fit into our lifestyle. Anything, anything younger than that would disrupt our life.
00:02:26
Wow.
00:02:31 Jayne
OK. However, however, I think the phone call and met came back at the airport and said we've got our first place.
00:02:38 Jayne
And.
00:02:39 Jayne
And sort of Long story short, I said it's a 3 year old boy and he was like, what, what's going on?
00:02:46 Helen
That's quite, quite a bit younger than 99, isn't it?
00:02:46
It's a bit more.
00:02:50 Jayne
Ben.
00:02:51 Ken
And just what what I was folks.
00:02:55 Jayne
And then I said as he sort of calmed down and went and his baby brother.
00:03:01 Jayne
And he was like, what? How old is he? I said, well, he's he's 3 weeks old, but he'll be in hospital for another three weeks because he's heavily addicted and.
00:03:11 Ken
And that was it. I was phoning solicitor.
00:03:14 Jayne
But it was.
00:03:16 Jayne
And you'll admit it was the best decision I ever made because he was the first one in the hospital that bonded with that baby. We all collected him from hospital. And you know, we've had a baby in the house for, I would say, 19 out of the 20 years that we fostered and.
00:03:33 Jayne
So we were proof for for.
00:03:34 Jayne
For birth to 18, we've had lots of different children, lots of different ages.
00:03:38 Jayne
But.
00:03:39 Jayne
Many babies that we've actually brought home from the hospital and moved on to adoption and returned home, so he admits he was wrong.
00:03:47 Helen
Yeah. So, so, Ken, you're you're under nine rule change quite quickly, didn't it? So, so tell us about that then.
00:03:48 Ken
Both.
00:03:53 Ken
Very quickly.
00:03:57 Ken
I mean, I just, I think I would prefer.
00:04:00 Ken
Well, I don't think I know. I prefer under nines. I like babies, newborns.
00:04:06 Ken
Fine.
00:04:08 Ken
Babies of any age and young children, I actually I I was so wrong. She was right. It's not very.
00:04:14 Ken
Often I say that but.
00:04:16 Ken
In this case, she was she really was right.
00:04:20 Jayne
I think, and we suddenly realised that I think any child will.
00:04:25 Jayne
You can adapt your life to for that for that child to fit in with your life. You we have to make changes and things. Things that you need to be prepared for, but it's it's the right decision and we do foster children of any age. It's not. It's not something that an age that we stick to, but yeah, that's centred up and we've got three children in placement at the moment. We've got 2.
00:04:42 Jayne
I.
00:04:45 Jayne
Old A5 year old and a 7 year old.
00:04:49 Jayne
Yeah.
00:04:50 Helen
So your one to nine. Yeah, so you said, you know, at the beginning you were quite naive. Do you, do you think there's no getting away from that really. Like most people at the start of their journey, they are really. They just, they don't really know what they're getting into.
00:04:51 Ken
All.
00:05:07 Jayne
I think unless you've come from a fostering family where your parents fostered, then it's quite a shock. It is a shock because sometimes I think we've had very sheltered lives. We had kids ourselves.
00:05:18 Jayne
We are with normal sort of childhood problems and then to realise the reasons why kids are looked after it is a shock and.
00:05:27 Helen
So. So tell us about the beginning again. Then you know, you said you took those two children on. How? How did that go? You know, was that was that quite a steep learning curve?
00:05:38 Jayne
Yes, it was because we had to be trained to give more warfarin to the baby because he was so addicted.
00:05:40 Ken
Very, very much.
00:05:45 Jayne
He was very, very poor.
00:05:47 Jayne
More probably than we knew, really. And and he remained on on morphine for several months. However, once he'd finished that, he was, like, flicking this switch. He developed absolutely beautifully. And his his brother it. It was wonderful. It was absolutely wonderful. And they were.
00:06:06 Jayne
And moved to grandparents after a year and.
00:06:10 Jayne
Really, sadly, that broke down it it it just didn't work and then they came back to us for another year and then they moved on to adoption and you know, we saw these boys at Christmas. They're grown men now and they still got our life story books. So they knew who everybody was. And you know, I I can't even finish now.
00:06:29 Ken
It was amazing.
00:06:30 Jayne
My heart was with that because it was amazing.
00:06:33
Yeah, because they're they.
00:06:35 Ken
They become your own children. Yeah, yeah.
00:06:37 Jayne
They've always got that bit of.
00:06:38 Ken
Thou nave they'll leave this to our.
00:06:41 Helen
Children. So are you still in touch with a lot of of children and young people that you've had in your?
00:06:47 Jayne
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And.
00:06:48 Ken
Definitely got one young man. Well, he was a young man. He's not anymore. His children call us now.
00:06:55 Jayne
And then you got that. Yeah. Wow, yeah.
00:06:57 Ken
And.
00:06:59 Jayne
And they're often here. We've always got kids here with the men. Now they're.
00:07:03 Jayne
Off men, they're.
00:07:03 Helen
Yeah. Yeah. So what? What are some other children and young people who stand out, really, who've who've lived with you?
00:07:04 Jayne
They're.
00:07:12 Ken
The child I've got at the moment we had him from 8 months old.
00:07:20 Ken
We took him direct from hospital.
00:07:24 Ken
He was extremely ill. He'd never left.
00:07:27 Ken
The hospital ward.
00:07:29 Ken
At that point.
00:07:32 Ken
We picked him up from hospital and brought him home, we were told.
00:07:37 Ken
He would never sit up unaided.
00:07:39 Ken
He would never walk.
00:07:41 Ken
And he'd never talk.
00:07:45 Ken
We went, we went to Chessington yesterday.
00:07:48 Helen
Hmm.
00:07:49 Ken
And he ran around screaming and shouting, going on all the big riots. He has beaten every milestone anybody even dreamt for him.
00:08:01
Yeah.
00:08:02 Ken
And the feeling.
00:08:04 Ken
Feeling we get from that I I can't even describe, but nobody could pay us enough money.
00:08:13 Ken
To look at him.
00:08:14 Ken
And feel like we do it. It's just just absolutely amazing. You can get, you get so much more from these children. You get more from them.
00:08:27 Ken
That they give us.
00:08:29 Jayne
We had another boy who came to us when he was.
00:08:34 Jayne
15.
00:08:36 Jayne
The local authority described him as.
00:08:38 Jayne
A child from hell.
00:08:39 Jayne
And that made us take him. Actually, we were like, they can't call it that. And that we took him and and he came and he was we had three teenage boys at home at the time he fitted right in the middle of them we came very close to our middle son and and.
00:08:55 Jayne
For the first couple of weeks, he would come downstairs with his baseball cap on just no eye contact. You come down for food and then go back to his room and and and then after about 3 weeks he came downstairs one morning and he had no baseball cap on. And you know, you're like.
00:09:12 Jayne
What's going on?
00:09:13 Jayne
And it was like this little comfort blanket. And he'd managed to put that down well, he's now in his 30s and he's the boy with two children of his own. He he works a very good job. He's amazing. And we've got another teenager that came when he was five. He stayed with us.
00:09:32 Jayne
And when he was 5, until he left cow at 18, he manages a charity shop and he's now just got another job and he's moving around and and just the work ethic is amazing and.
00:09:48 Jayne
They're here. They're here all the.
00:09:49 Jayne
Time. Yeah, yeah.
00:09:49 Ken
Yeah. They're everything. You're welcome your aunt. That's.
00:09:51 Helen
Yeah, so you must have so many people in.
00:09:52 Ken
Children.
00:09:55 Helen
Your house all the.
00:09:56 Helen
Time. So do you know how many children and young people you've you've had to stay with you throughout the 19 years?
00:10:04 Jayne
Well, we do. You know what I used to religiously count and then it just got it just got so, so difficult because some children would, as I say, would leave us and then come back and rest.
00:10:07 Helen
Yeah.
00:10:15 Jayne
I don't know.
00:10:16 Helen
Don't. Nobody's a lot. It's a lot.
00:10:19 Jayne
Maybe 50. Yeah, it's a lot. A lot of the children have come very young and they stayed a long time. We had another boy from 7:00 until 19 and.
00:10:20
Yeah.
00:10:32 Jayne
Yeah, it's, it's. I think even the little boy that we're looking after now because there is additional needs, we're never set out to look after children with additional needs. It happened one of the children we were looking after became very ill.
00:10:46 Jayne
And ended up in on life support and. And so we were literally trained in an ICU unit to look after him and and then from that point of looking after him.
00:10:57 Jayne
That we've been offered more children with who are tube fed and have got sort of quite complex medical needs we've got. Yeah. And I mean we had no medical history whatsoever, but just had really good training from a hospital. And so we tube feed we can suction, we can all all these things that some of these two do need.
00:11:03 Ken
Just because the skills.
00:11:04 Ken
We learn.
00:11:18 Jayne
That is so rewarding, and I think some people do shy away from that because it makes them scared.
00:11:25 Jayne
It is. It's it's. It is so rewarding. It is so rewarding because sometimes it's very difficult to find carers for children with like complex medical needs, yeah.
00:11:34 Ken
And you know what? They're.
00:11:35 Ken
They're such beautiful children.
00:11:37 Jayne
They will be.
00:11:38 Ken
Really, really all that.
00:11:40 Ken
You know, children with additional needs somehow are a bit special on them. And then just.
00:11:46 Ken
They don't demand so much of you.
00:11:49 Ken
They're just, they're just very loving and people imagine that. They imagine it's so hard to look after a child that, for example, is tube fed.
00:11:59 Ken
It's not. It's once you get over that initial.
00:12:03 Ken
Here.
00:12:05 Ken
Of what you're doing and get used to it, it's sometimes easier than looking after a child with no problems.
00:12:12 Helen
Yeah, and I imagine there's a lot of training and support that goes into that, isn't there?
00:12:16 Jayne
There is there is I mean and as an agency NFA, if we've had anything that comes up, they will find US training that is relevant to us. We had a child that was coming in with diabetes. We hadn't looked after a child with diabetes before, so literally.
00:12:32 Jayne
It was training was arranged the next day with a nurse, so there. There's an awful lot of support out there, an awful lot of support.
00:12:40 Helen
Yeah.
00:12:40 Jayne
And to be.
00:12:41 Jayne
And any child that comes to you.
00:12:44 Jayne
It's it there. There's gonna sort of, there's there's gonna be some hard times ahead. I think with any child that you look after because.
00:12:52 Jayne
Of what they've been through, and sometimes I often think, you know, we need to show empathy for those children. I always think about when we're told we're gonna get a new placement. Makes me really nervous. Yeah, but I get.
00:13:02 Ken
It's.
00:13:02 Ken
Exciting, but it's exciting for.
00:13:05 Jayne
I get so nervous and he always hits me. Why you nervous when I.
00:13:08 Jayne
Because that child is coming to us, you know he's been maybe just removed from his parents or another carer. They come into a house, they've never seen two people they don't know.
00:13:19 Jayne
And it's it's how you.
00:13:22 Jayne
Into back with the children.
00:13:24 Jayne
And we've got a dog that really.
00:13:25 Jayne
Helps that really does help so.
00:13:28 Ken
Yeah. You know, young people will gravitate if.
00:13:31 Ken
They're very, very.
00:13:32 Ken
Nervous about the adults in the house, they'll gravitate to the.
00:13:35 Ken
Dog.
00:13:36 Helen
Yeah, I hear that a lot. We talk about that a lot actually.
00:13:40 Helen
That, you know, firstly sometimes if people have animals they might think ohh that means that I can't foster because I've got animals and that isn't always the case at all, you know. But then they can also the animals be really, really therapeutic and helpful, can't they?
00:13:58 Jayne
100%, we've got a we've got a big German shepherd. We've always had German shepherds and there's been occasions where we've taken children in the middle of the night and some children have come from police cells where they've been arrested and they need somewhere safe for the.
00:14:12 Jayne
And you're, you're off in the middle of the night and you're cooking pizzas, always pizzas.
00:14:16 Ken
Always, always spaces.
00:14:18 Helen
Always have a good stash in the freezer, yeah.
00:14:20 Jayne
They're always in the freezer.
00:14:22 Jayne
And they don't tend to want to talk to you, but they'll sit and they'll touch the dog and you can see them. Relax.
00:14:30 Jayne
So the dog is really coming handy.
00:14:33 Ken
But I we always say can.
00:14:36 Ken
Even even me as an adult now, the thought of being taken somewhere totally away from everything I know.
00:14:44 Ken
And being taken to a home and said Ohh you're going to live in it this place with these.
00:14:49 Ken
People now goodbye.
00:14:52 Ken
Social worker and just leaves you.
00:14:55 Ken
What would that feel like? So even as an adult, that would feel awful. But for these young people it it's so long.
00:14:58 Jayne
You know we we spoke.
00:15:00 Jayne
Yeah.
00:15:02 Jayne
We spoke about the first little boy that we fostered when his father was still in the hospital, so he came to us.
00:15:08 Jayne
And and we'd gone out and we've all these things and the social worker left. And we said, come on, we need to put him to bed now and we put him to bed and we heard him singing himself to sleep. And Ken and I sat on the top step and cried our eyes out. This was our first place. And he was he was singing himself to sleep and this you.
00:15:27 Jayne
Know you think.
00:15:28 Jayne
This isn't what we planned this was.
00:15:29 Jayne
Heartbreaking. Yeah, we said.
00:15:31 Ken
It's not safe.
00:15:32 Jayne
We just sat and cried and cried. Been a lot of crying.
00:15:37 Ken
Ohh yeah, there's a lot of laughter.
00:15:40 Ken
There's a lot of crying as well.
00:15:41 Helen
Yeah, but you know, the tears are worth it, aren't they? Definitely. They're they're all part of the journey, aren't they?
00:15:44
Oh.
00:15:47 Jayne
They all they. I wouldn't. I wouldn't change anything that we've ever done in in all that time, because everything is. It's either taught us something or when children move on to adoption or they move home, you know it doesn't. It doesn't matter where they're moving.
00:16:01 Jayne
That is the hardest part of frustration because.
00:16:04 Jayne
You can't with a young child. You can't say to, you know, I'm not going to be there when you go to bed tonight. I'm not going to be there when you wake up in the morning. Then the kids normally bounce through it. They really do cope well and it's us.
00:16:15 Ken
Sitting at home playing their eyes out. Yeah, I mean we, yeah, we pick children up several times from maternity, you know, just a couple of days old.
00:16:25 Ken
And we've had them for 2 1/2 years and then one.
00:16:27 Ken
Day you have to just.
00:16:29 Ken
Hand them over.
00:16:31 Ken
And say goodbye.
00:16:33 Ken
And it's it's no different to giving up.
00:16:36 Ken
Your own children.
00:16:37 Ken
Your own birth.
00:16:38 Ken
Children, it's.
00:16:38 Jayne
That that I think the process for adoption is so good with the introduction period now. And I mean they practically will live in your house for a week and then you'll go and spend a week at their house.
00:16:40 Ken
So.
00:16:51 Jayne
Every, every adoption that we have actually done has been so well arranged and we always say we couldn't have handpicked parents better than the social services did because they've all had amazing parents. They've all thrived in adoption. It's it's good. It's really good.
00:16:56
Yeah.
00:17:07 Helen
Yeah, because that's one thing that we come to back to a lot really in these conversations that we have on the podcast and and the conversations are have in real life as well. When I, you know, I tell people what I do and they always say ohh I couldn't foster because you have to give them back and that's so hard.
00:17:24 Helen
God and every career that I speak to says, yeah, it is hard, but we understand it's part of the process and it makes sense.
00:17:34 Helen
You know what I mean?
00:17:35 Jayne
When we go into this, we knew that we were not going to keep any children, our ages, etcetera, and even the first two children were asked to adopt them and we said we didn't go through this process to help two children. We want to help lots. And so we knew children were never going to say, but that doesn't stop my heart from breaking when they leave.
00:17:57 Jayne
But you go into this knowing knowing what the plan.
00:18:00 Ken
These these children are going on to a home where they really want.
00:18:00 Jayne
Is.
00:18:03 Jayne
Wanted, laughed.
00:18:03 Ken
Is, you know they're.
00:18:05 Ken
Gonna be care for. And there's other children sitting there waiting. Where there's no hopes for them.
00:18:08 Jayne
What?
00:18:11 Helen
Yeah. Now, earlier on guys, we talked a little bit about training, you know, and obviously you have these schools to foster training right at the beginning of of your journey. But training's ongoing, isn't it? There's always new things to learn and you say, you know, there's, you've had lots of specialist training looking after children with additional needs and things.
00:18:11 Ken
That's next step.
00:18:31 Helen
That, but you've also had, was it mindfulness training? Can you tell us a bit about that?
00:18:37 Jayne
Yeah, I think even even down to any sort of training that we do with regard to the children a little bit is touched on the subject of the mindfulness, because how do you look after these children if you're not looking after yourself? Yeah, because it's it's. It's not easy. And and even when you do like the escalation training or something like that.
00:18:57 Jayne
You need to be prepared in yourself to be ready to look after the children, so it's.
00:19:02 Jayne
About giving yourself time about sort of focusing on what's happened and if there's an event that happens and you need to, you need to sit back and think about it and how will I do that differently and how has that affected the child? And so mindfulness is really, really important. It is important because you do.
00:19:22 Jayne
People used to say to us what time do you have for yourself and you used to say, well, this was when we were really busy. You know, we go shopping once a week to Tesco.
00:19:29 Jayne
'S that was.
00:19:30 Helen
Our time. I thought you were gonna say when I go to the toilet sometimes I got 2 minutes if I'm lucky.
00:19:38 Ken
I mean, there's there have been times when.
00:19:40 Ken
It was like that but.
00:19:41 Ken
That very child.
00:19:42 Jayne
1st we had. Yeah, he was so poorly.
00:19:45 Ken
He was so heavily addicted that he only slept for an hour a day. He screamed. The rest of the time he was in pain, but his in his tummy and he was curled up into a ball and we used to sleep in one hour shifts. I would walk round the house rocking him while he cried.
00:19:49 Jayne
Tell you.
00:20:04 Ken
And then I'd wake her up and pass him over.
00:20:08 Ken
UM. And then she'd spend an hour, and then she'd pass him back to me, and that I was still working in those days. I used to go to work and leave her sitting on the settee with him.
00:20:15 Jayne
Yeah, Ken still had his job in those days and.
00:20:22 Ken
I come home and she's still being her night clothes. Sit sexy with him. You know. That was that's really that was our first placement.
00:20:26 Jayne
Yeah.
00:20:30 Jayne
Tough, it was tough.
00:20:32 Ken
It was a real yeah.
00:20:32 Helen
And that was your first child. So what made you want to carry on after that? Cause that sounds, that sounds hard going.
00:20:40 Jayne
Ohh yeah, it it was hard and it and it's hard at the time, but when you look back on it, you think.
00:20:45 Jayne
Ohh OK. You got through it. That boys that boys were at home, they were amazing. But it's I think when you see the changes in those children and you think you play the part in that.
00:20:57
Thanks.
00:20:58 Jayne
Why not carry on just this?
00:21:01 Ken
But to a certain extent, it's the opposite of what you've just said it at the time.
00:21:06 Ken
It doesn't seem hard.
00:21:08 Ken
At the time, it's something you've got to do.
00:21:10 Jayne
Yeah, you have to do it.
00:21:11 Ken
And you just do it. It's off. Just when you look back at it and think, how did I ever do that?
00:21:21 Ken
And it just seems horrific now, looking back at it. But let's say at the time you had to do it, you had no choice. It's like every parent that's woken up 10 times in the night with their own.
00:21:32 Ken
Children.
00:21:33 Ken
You know you have.
00:21:34 Ken
To do it you do it.
00:21:36 Ken
And then afterwards, say it sounds awful, but you've seen this massive.
00:21:41 Ken
Improvement and that little boy has turned into.
00:21:47 Ken
An amazing young man, he plays county county cricket.
00:21:55 Ken
He's amazingly clever.
00:21:57 Jayne
They both did.
00:22:01 Ken
You know, and you could think, well, I had a little bit to.
00:22:03 Ken
Do with.
00:22:04 Ken
That. Yeah, and it's it's quite amazing to feel.
00:22:07 Helen
Massively, yeah. And you said earlier, you know how naive you thought you both were at the beginning. If you could go back, you know, 19 years and and tell Jane and Ken of 19 years ago.
00:22:20 Helen
What you know some advice?
00:22:22 Helen
What do you what what would that be?
00:22:24 Jayne
I would say.
00:22:25 Ken
Take take under 9.
00:22:29 Jayne
I would say if you're considering fostering, be prepared. It will change your life. It will change your life, but it will only change your life for the better. It will teach you things that.
00:22:40 Jayne
You never knew you could do or have the strength to do as I say, I wouldn't change anything in the last 19 years because it's just.
00:22:50 Jayne
There's been some really difficult times, but there's just been the best times and when now when we see these children and they've they've moved on to other lives and and we are in touch with a lot of them, you know, I just.
00:23:03 Jayne
I am so proud of them all because of the things that they have done and what they've achieved and and and the effort that they've put in because you know, they're just they're they're all amazing.
00:23:12 Ken
A little story I do like to tell was that got to me more than just about anything. Was the young man we said came to us as the child from hell. The local authority called him and we were out one day and we drove past Feltham.
00:23:32 Ken
On offenders institute.
00:23:35 Ken
And he looked at it and he said to me.
00:23:38 Ken
That's Philtre, isn't it?
00:23:40 Ken
And I went, yeah.
00:23:42 Ken
And he went quiet, and he went. I'd be in there now. It wasn't for you and Jane. I said that. Don't be silly. He said no, no, I would, he said. He said my life didn't have any meaning. He said, I know that I'm gonna be in and out of there. I was going to be out in and.
00:23:58 Ken
Out of prison and he said I didn't really care.
00:24:02 Ken
You said it's different now since I've come to you. I know my life's gonna be good.
00:24:06 Ken
I get choked up people saying.
00:24:08 Ken
Yeah, because I remember how.
00:24:09 Helen
You. You. You choked me up as well.
00:24:13
That well.
00:24:14 Helen
Oh well, I think.
00:24:16 Ken
Beaded from that kind.
00:24:17 Ken
Of thing.
00:24:18 Jayne
What what I mean when?
00:24:19 Jayne
When else could you get something like that? You changed someone's life and it's we didn't even do anything really special. We just brought him into a family and we gave him the opportunities to do other things and hang around the streets and.
00:24:31 Helen
But this is the thing, Jane, that honestly both of you, you're so humble and you just say like, ohh, it's not about us. It's about the children. But it is like the the incredible things that.
00:24:37
Oh.
00:24:44 Helen
You were both.
00:24:44 Helen
One you you should be so, so proud of yourselves. You really, really should.
00:24:51 Ken
Just makes us feel well.
00:24:53 Jayne
We are, we are happy, our life. We're out in our life. And what?
00:24:56 Jayne
We do. It makes us happy. Yeah. Yeah. Makes us happy.
00:25:00 Ken
The that for the what?
00:25:01 Ken
For the last nearly three months.
00:25:04 Ken
We only had one child.
00:25:08 Ken
And this house.
00:25:10
Let's.
00:25:11 Helen
So quiet. Oh, like we need more chaos. We need more going on.
00:25:14 Ken
Wait, wait. Yeah.
00:25:16
When he went.
00:25:17 Ken
When he went to.
00:25:17 Jayne
School. We were like what?
00:25:20 Ken
The house stayed clean and tidy.
00:25:21 Jayne
All day long and we just sat.
00:25:23 Ken
There looked at.
00:25:23 Ken
Each other it was.
00:25:25 Ken
Really cute because it's probably the time.
00:25:27 Jayne
Only 5 in in those almost 20 years and.
00:25:29 Ken
But we've only had Monticello.
00:25:29 Jayne
It.
00:25:29 Jayne
Has been we've had three children. We went into phosphate to do sibling crooks. We had two.
00:25:36 Jayne
Yeah, in all that time it just happened that we took a baby. Then we took another job and we never in 19 years we never bring empty, never we no we.
00:25:45 Jayne
Had three children.
00:25:47 Ken
At this it it seems strange.
00:25:48 Jayne
Yeah.
00:25:49 Ken
It's just to see.
00:25:49 Ken
The living room floor. It's no strange.
00:25:55 Helen
Well, Jane and Ken, thank you so, so much for talking to us and sharing your stories with us.
00:26:02 Helen
Uh, we've laughed. We've cried. We've been on a royal journey, haven't we? Umm. So yeah, thank you so, so much. And and best of luck with the next 20 years maybe.
00:26:12 Jayne
Thank you. Yeah, hope so. Hope so.
00:26:15 Ken
I probably don't think so about my age.
00:26:19 Ken
There never.
00:26:19 Helen
Thank you so much guys. Take care.
00:26:21 Jayne
Thank you.
00:26:22 Ken
Thank you so much.
00:26:24 Helen
Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to get involved in the conversation, we would love to hear your questions. Maybe there's something you'd really like to ask about fostering. Get in touch. You can e-mail us on podcast@nfa.co.uk.