Leonie: My parents are foster carers

Leonie’s mum and dad have been fostering since she was just two. It’s pretty much all she’s ever known. One of her earliest memories is of a young foster child coming into the room where Leonie was watching TV, sitting down on her lap and falling asleep. She’s since learned that many foster children feel uncomfortable with adults because of everything that’s happened to them, so birth children play a really important role in foster families. Having foster children became a way of life for Leonie, who estimates her family cared for around 70 children – some for just a few days, others for much longer.  And while we may think that what Leonie, her parents and her sister do is amazing, for them fostering is just part of everyday life. In this podcast, Leonie shares the steps they take to make foster children feel welcome and part of the family and explains what she says to people who have negative views about fostering. She’s a great ambassador for fostering and it’s no surprise that she says she plans to foster one day. In the meantime, she’s chosen a career that will perfectly suit her calm, unflappable demeanour. 

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

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Transcript

Leonie

0:01 Interviewer

As everyday people, we don't always have a chance to talk about our life, to be heard, but we've all got a story and this is Leonie’s. So, hello Leonie.

Leonie

Hiya

Interviewer

Thank you so much for joining me today. It's lovely to have you here. So really let's start by talking about your upbringing, which is maybe a little bit different to an average upbringing in that your mum and dad foster children, don't they? 

Leonie

Yeah. 

Interviewer

Um, and that's all you've ever remembered, isn't it? So, can you tell me about that?

00:32 Leonie

Yeah, so my mum and dad started fostering when I was two and it was through my mum's work cause she was with the police and then came up to and they were like, would you like to try fostering? And my dad was very hesitant at first. 

Interviewer

Yeah. 

Leonie

And he wasn't sure about it but they were like decided to try it and yeah, it's just gone from there since I was two. 

00:56 Interviewer

So, you were, you were two years old at the time so I imagine you don't really remember it clearly, but can you think of any of your first memories of, of having foster children in your

home? 

1:06 Leonie

Yeah, so I don't remember like when I was super young. 

Interviewer

Yeah. 

Leonie

But I remember like different situations when cause we like did different types of fostering. 

Interviewer

Yeah. 

Leonie

And like I remember our like I think it was one of the first children, I'm not sure, but the police came and like brought us a child and the children are often very scared of adults cause of like the situations they've been in him. So I was just sat on the floor in the lounge watching like kids' TV and this child was like really young and they just came and sat on me and then like fell asleep. So it's like they felt more comfortable with like a younger person and that's like one of my first memories.

1:47 Interviewer

And can you remember how that made you feel? You know, like having like the police come round and stuff, like how did that feel?

1:55 Leonie

I felt it was quite exciting. 

Interviewer

Yeah. <laugh> 

Leonie

Because like my mom was in the police so I got all these stories and stuff and it was like, it was like exciting to me and, but it's like because I was so young I didn't realise what was happening totally and it was just like another person in my house and like I'm just used to people coming in and out and it's just normal for me like life.

2:15 Interviewer

So as you say, coming in and out, how often would you have new children come and live with you? Do you know how many children you've had live with you throughout your life?

2:24 Leonie

Don't count me on it, but I think around 70 ish. 

Interviewer

Wow. 

Leonie

Because we started off doing emergency. So like they came in when they first came into care to ours and they could be there from like a couple days to a couple weeks and then they’d find like more longer term or court cases or whatever's going on, they’d find them somewhere else. So then, and then we moved on to like short term and long term. So we do a bit of everything and respite.

2: 48 Interviewer

So how did that feel for you as a child? Essentially, I suppose, sharing your parents really… Hhow was that? 

2:58 Leonie

See, I get this question quite a lot but it's just my normal life that I don't know anything different and I'm just used to it and I don't mind sharing them cause we're doing like a good thing for people.

3:07 Interviewer

Yeah. You must sort of look up to your mom and dad in a way that you know, they, they've had a positive impact on 70 different children's lives as well as obviously you and your sibling. Like how do you feel about them? Do you feel really proud of

them? 

3:23 Leonie

Yeah, very proud. Yeah because like I was thinking when I'm older do I want to do it? And I think I would cause it's like you're putting a good thing in and like they both worked full-time jobs at the time and just managed to work it around them. But when we foster we don't, it's not like a random children coming into your house and it's got to be this way. They're part of the family so you're not just, they're not like outcasts like you're not gonna go and do this. We're just normal outdoor people like canoeing, um, paddle boarding, going for walks so they're just part of the family and do what we do.

3:55 Interviewer

So, how do you make a child feel like they're part of the family?

4:00 Leonie

So not when we did emergency, when we did like short term and we like knew a child was come in, we would let them design the room and like how they want to do it and we'd do the room out for them. The first night they come we asked them what the favourite meal is and cook that and it's just like make it like a normal house, not something different.

4:21 Interviewer

Yeah. And can you ever remember any times maybe when you were younger where you wished that maybe it wasn't the case that you were a foster family? Can you ever imagine there was a time when you were like, you know what, I wish I was like all my other mates and, you know?

4:34 Leonie

Yeah so a lot of children have like complex needs and sometimes like the behaviours can show it and like if a kid was like kicking off or something and you're just like, I'm done with this noise in the house. But then you think into it and it's like I'm doing it for a good reason. We're better in their lives and it's like that. And then also like when I was growing up in primary school and even secondary school, not many people knew what fostering was and they just didn't get it and they were like, why have you got all these people in your houses like in your house? But I just explained it to them and they were like, oh that's quite interesting actually.

5:09 Interviewer

Yeah. So how did you explain it to people? Did you sometimes come up against some, you know, negative attitudes and and how did you change those attitudes?

5:17 Leonie

Yeah, a lot of people are like, why are you just bringing children to your house? Like I don't get it and you're just like all the children who like need somewhere safe to be and have good experiences. And then once you like explain the process of it and like why you're doing it, they're just the fine of it and they're like, it's quite cool actually. 

5:36 Interviewer

Yeah. And how or why do you think it's so important that you know that that people are foster carers and that and that people care so much about other people like your family clearly do? 

5:49

Yeah, I just think cause they've not been brought, not been brought like like they've not had a good start to life if that makes sense. So you're just trying to give them like even experiences that that they've wouldn’t have before. Like paddle boarding, going on lakes, going for walks, like a safe like room how they like it, it just gives them something.

6:12 Interviewer

Are there any particular children or experiences through your upbringing that stand out that you remember?

6:20 Leonie

Yeah, there's like quite a few and it's like just the good memories and then you also have like some like large sibling groups that come in and it's like, like you're taking a lot of it like so we've had three children before so there's five children in the house, my mom and dad. So it's just chaos everywhere. 

Interviewer

Mm-hmm <affirmative>. 

Leonie

But I love it and it's, yeah…

6:42 Interviewer

And do you see yourself maybe doing that in the future? 

Leonie

Yeah. 

Interviewer

The same as your mom and dad?

6:46 Leonie

Definitely. I don't know which one but I'll definitely do it at some point. Yeah. And yeah. 

6:51 Interviewer

And what is it that you're doing at the moment? You're training to be a paramedic aren't

you? 

6:54 Leonie

Yeah, so I'm at The University of Sunderland doing Paramedic Science, which is good. It's full on <laugh> but it's really good. Yeah.

7:01 Interviewer

Yeah. So where do you see your, your career going, really? A paramedic or maybe something slightly different, or…?

7:08 Leonie

Definitely paramedic. Yeah maybe like air ambulance, something a bit bigger.

Interviewer

Wow. 

Leonie

Yeah. 

7:13 Interviewer

That's fantastic. So thinking back to when you were a child, what would you say your, what would you say your favourite part of your upbringing was? Cause it sounds like you had a really, really happy upbringing. 

Leonie

Yeah. 

Interviewer

So you say there was always lots of children about, you were really inspired by your mum and dad who sound like lovely people. What would you say your favourite part of your upbringing was?

7:42 Leonie

I think just being outside doing things. Not just sitting inside all day on like iPads and watching TV. Just being out, doing activities and then just being like, I'm the youngest child so I've got an older sister and it's like being a role model and an older like figure to someone else and being like an older sister, which is quite nice.

8:04 Interviewer

Yeah. And why do you think it's important to be a role model?

8:08 Leonie

Just for them like to look up to someone and like a lot of children, they're not massive fans of adults because of the situations they've come from. 

Interviewer

Mm-hmm <affirmative> 

Leonie

And they feel more comfortable with younger people. So like things they might want to tell us, like we've had a lot of children who would talk to us - like me and my sister - then my mom and dad and then we'd have conversations and it's just like nice to do that. 

8:35 Interviewer

Yeah. Were you, were you always aware of backgrounds that children had come from and what had happened to them?

8:42 Leonie

I think as I've got older my mum and dad would like explain it more cause before like when we've been like asked to have a child, my mum and dad would always ask me and and my sister if we want it and like, could you get like a background of the child and they just ask are you happy with them coming? If we say no, then they wouldn't do it. 

Interviewer

Mm-hmm. <affirmative> 

Leonie

It's like we have a say in it as well so it's not just my mum and dad's choice to do it. Like it's a whole family choice.

9:13

Yeah. So how, how important do you think it is that it isn't just the parents? Is it that, that are the foster family? It's the entire family isn't it? 

9:23 Leonie

Yeah. Yeah. It's so important cause if you like had a child and they don't want to do it but you did, then it's not gonna be nice for them. So like they always ask us, it's like always really nice and yeah, it's good to be involved in the whole process.

9: 40 Interviewer

Absolutely. And have there been any times Leonie when it's been really difficult, when there has been, you know, children or young people that have lived with you where it has been very challenging and how have you got through that?

9:54 Leonie

Yeah, definitely. So like some children we have had, have had like more complex needs than others and it's more the behaviors they show because when they feel safe sometimes the behaviours come out more so it's just working around them and if I like don't like it or get upset then I'd remove myself at that point in time. But then also go and talk to mom and dad about it and like would work out a plan of how it would go and how we could sort the situation out.

10:21 Interviewer

Yeah. Did you ever feel like maybe there was quite a lot of pressure on you as a child really to be, to be part of this fostering family and you know, did you feel like there was a way of responsibility as a child?

10:35 Leonie

I don't think so. I think I just lived my own like childhood just with other children there and other people in the house. So it's like when I was younger you've got more people to play with so I thought it was like more of a positive thing than a negative thing. 

Interviewer 

Yeah. 

Leonie

Which is like really nice.

10:52 Interviewer

Do you realize now though, like how amazing it is? Like what your family have done and what you've been part of? 

10:59 Leonie

See, because we've been doing it since I was two, it's just my normal…

Interviewer

Yeah. 

Leonie

Life. But then like as I get older I'm like, this is quite a cool thing to do cause like not many people do it, so yeah.

11:11 Interviewer

Yeah. And it's important that more and more people do it really, isn't

It? 

11:15 Leonie

Yeah, it is. Yeah. Because it's such a good thing and rewarding thing to do.

11:19 Interviewer

Absolutely. So yeah, if you feel inspired by this and you've enjoyed this podcast then um, please do have a look at our website, NFA.co.uk